Ya want nuts with that ?

[moof]

No, just hang them on the wall.

Retold by Mary Tyler Moore on Dave Letterman in happier times when men were men, women were women and the only nevrous sheep were in Texas.

A strikingly handsome young man walked into the office of a
Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. The
agent reviewed the young man's slim resume and small portfolio
with the care that was deserving of his fine young specimen.

"You have the very obvious good looks and excellent
demeanor of an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I
might be aware of."

"Other than the requisite high school and college plays, no sir,"
said the handsome young man.

"I dare say I know the reason why, with a name like yours," said
the agent.

"Sir?"

"Your name. Penis Van Lesbian. That's not a name that will go
far in Hollywood. I'd love to represent you, but you'll have to
change your name."

"Sir," the handsome young man protested. "The Van Lesbian
name was my father's, my grandfather's and his father's name.
We have carried this name for generations and I will not change
it for Hollywood or any other reason."

"If you won't change your name, I cannot represent you young
man."

"Then I bid you farewell -- my name will not change." With that,
Penis Van Lesbian left the agents office never to return.

Five Years Later: The Hollywood agent returned to his office
after lunch with some producers and shuffled through his mail.
Mostly junk mail, trade journals and the like. There was one
letter. He opened the envelope and removed the letter. As he
unfolded the fine linen paper, a check dropped from the folds
and onto his desk. He looked at the check. It was for 50,000
dollars! He read the letter:

Dear Sir: Several years ago, I entered your office determined
to become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I
changed my name. I objected, saying the Penis Van Lesbian
name had been carried for generations and left your office.
However, upon leaving, I chanced to reconsider my hastiness
and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your
advice and endeavored to change my name. Now I am a famous
actor with many roles and known to millions worldwide.

Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is often that I think
back to my meeting with you and your insistence that I change
my name. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this
check with my humble thanks, for it was your idea which has
brought me to such wealth and fame.

Very Sincerely Yours,

Dick Van Dyke