Did anyone else read that NYTimes Magazine story, about h.s hookups?

[Lauren2882]

It came out this Sunday. I thought it was soo depressing, if at all accurate. The thesis was basically the culture of teen sex today is such that way more teens are having sex outside of relationships today, and that the attitude toward it is really casual. "Dating" and "romance" seem to be anachronisms. Anyone who's in high school, or parents of highschoolers want to comment?

Like other high-school girls I talked to, Melissa says she doesn't see why boys get to have ''all the fun,'' although during the few months we communicated, it was clear that Melissa's hookups rarely brought her joy. She complained often about being depressed, and her hookups, which she hoped would make her feel better, usually left her feeling worse. But a few days after a hookup, she would have forgotten that they tended to make her miserable, and would tell me excitedly about a new boy she was planning to meet. When that boy failed to show or called to say he was running an hour late, Melissa's spirits would sink -- again.

But when I asked Melissa whether she thought hookups worked equally well for girls and boys, she surprised me with her answer. ''It's equal,'' she said. ''Everyone is using each other. That's fair.''

And the link: (the story is long-- 9 pages).

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/30/magazine/30NONDATING.html

[bluestateguy]

1. This is all Bill Clinton's fault!

The only time people should have sex is if it's two married people trying to make a baby! And they better not enjoy it!!!

[Lauren2882]

5. Ummm...

I think there's a middle ground between that attitude and what was described in this article.

[Guy Fawkes]

2. no surprise.

I've known people who do this for years. We call it "buddy-sex." It's when two people who know eachother hookup for brief sexual interactions.
It's realy... depressing- that this sort of thing goes on, even though people know about it.

Like I said before, I don't know what the world's coming to, but g-d help us all.

[MontecitoDem]

4. True, but this is about middle school kids!

Even more depressing don't you think?

[Lauren2882]

6. Yeah, that kind of thing

for sure goes on between college kids and adults. And I don't think it's the greatest idea there even, but when you're talking about children, it really is depressing. To me the whole point of being 15 is that making out -- and nothing more -- it exciting.

[MontecitoDem]

3. Yea - I read it

Yikes! Not a promising story about our future. I've got two little ones, and I want them to stay little forever!:scared:

[LastKnight]

7. this highschooler (well, graduated last sunday) says blame the media...

sex is so commonplace in our society that we cant really be surprised that more people are taking to it so casuially at a younger age, i find it kinda dissappointing, that some people like that can be so reckless, at the very least the media and public schools should take a little time to do some stuff on safe sex or prevention. bleh, im talkin like a middleaged father... im only 18...

but yea... more education on stds and protection is needed at the minimum.

-LK

[maggrwaggr]

10. shit yeah, look at those MTV spring break shows, and crap like that

MTV is just so godawful.

I think a lot of this goes back to madonna, frankly.

She set feminism back about 80 jillion years.

[Guaranteed]

8. I've always hated that term "hookup."

It's hard for me to figure out exactly what it is about it, but it's something like it's way too childish.

[maggrwaggr]

9. sounds mechanical to me, like train cars

completely devoid of anything human

[Guaranteed]

11. Yeah, that too.

I also have a pet peeve- when people turn verbs into nouns. Like the verb "hook up," as in, "We're going to hook up" is bad enough, but then people turn it into a THING- "It wasn't a very good hookup." GAACK.

Another one of those is "body wash" GAAACCK I HATE that. Wash is a VERB, not a NOUN. And "facial scrub," God, that's the worst.

[Old and In the Way]

12. Our kids are marinated in sex.........

Sex sells everything today. No wonder that our kids are developing very different ideas about the role of sex in their lives as compared to what those of us who grew up in the 60s struggled with. Not saying that we didn't have our own fun, sex-wise, back then, but broadcast media pumps it 24-7 today and I'm wondering how my 16 and 15 year olds are going to deal with it. I think they have a pretty healthy attitude about sex, but it's on my radar screen.

[gauguin57]

13. Just finishing that article ...

and oh my god ... I knew about these behaviors in older teens ... but I wasn't aware it was so pervasive -- and so common in middle school. That dating and romance are dead in favor of hookups.

eeeeeeeeek! Lock up my teen nieces!!!!!!

I was struck by the part in which a couple of girls were bragging about how much they got out of just going to guys' houses, performing fellatio and leaving (very little talking). Most of them were uncomfortable asking for cunnilingus cuz the guys thought it was gross. Then, one of their girlfriends said she DIDN'T think girls got much out of such behaviors, and the other girls kept claiming it's such a fabulous thing. I agreed with the expert (psychologist or whatever) who said these girls are basically in denial ... doing this for acceptance ... doing what the guys want -- and calling it feminism -- girls have the right to be skanks, too! They're way too young for all this ... and they're going around with a bellyful of spunk and getting no physical pleasure in return? Sorry -- when it's NEVER RECIPROCATED, that's no fun. More teen girls who don't respect themselves. Will it never end?

I thought I was growing up in sexually liberated times ... but we thought Rhoda Morgenstern admitting she was on the pill was shocking TV! I look at some of these videos with everyone's asses and crotches in your face ... good lord. These kids must think boinking your beyatch all day long is normal behavior.

And these kids not using condoms (it's "just oral") -- and getting P.I.D. and chlamydia and gonorrhea for their trouble. Jeebus.

[regnaD kciN]

14. Without having read the article...

The thesis was basically the culture of teen sex today is such that way more teens are having sex outside of relationships today, and that the attitude toward it is really casual.

...my only reaction is, "Damn! Why couldn't it have been like that thirty-five years ago?"

;-)

[huellewig]

15. I wasn't ready for sex at 17..

I did it and failed miserably. At 13 the train wreck of huellewig having sex would have taken out a small town in China.

I do wonder about the body and when our design makes sex OK. Both genders get sexual at 13 or so? So in caveman times would that be OK? Our life expectancy was short so getting the kids out quick was important. 18 is a made up number, so without our modern cultural influence what age would sex be OK?

curious..

[huellewig]

16. I was thinking about this.

I guess at 13 back in the day you would have acquired the the skills to take care of yourself. Now that is not the case. Kids having kids. I need to stop worrying about the world and focus on making my life great.

I just replied to myself-->huellewig=Dork..:)