Post the punchline from your favorite dirty joke.

[bif]

My third husband collected stamps. God, I miss him!

[neuvocat]

1. No, I'm here to have it de-clawed.

[mr_hat]

2. His dick was stuck in the chicken.

[sniffa]

3. no, i picked the scabs off and Let the puss drain out

[sniffa]

4. a brunette with reaLLy bad breath

[Bronco69]

5. dick cheney

didn't want to go either!

[matcom]

6. Now, where is that old lady with the bad tooth!

[sniffa]

7. poke her? i hardLy know her.

[MissMillie]

8. So they don't hit you in the eye (n/t)

.

[Beware the Beast Man]

9. Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

nt

[Tom_Foolery]

10. Damn those fire trucks!! n/t

[Misunderestimator]

11. Get it up, get it in, get it it out, don't mess my hair up....

Sung to the tune of Bonanza... (at least I think it was Bonanza).

[TlalocW]

12. You don't understand... Chunks is my dog!!!

TlalocW

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

13. I am Paçoca.

[arwalden]

14. So the little boy replied "HI-I-I-I LA-A-ADY!"

[Dedalus]

15. "Hey Mister... I'm not a REAL welder!"

n/t

[On the Road]

16. "I'm Sorry, Ma'am,

I know I paid for this -- but I can't take another 66 of THOSE."

[DinahMoeHum]

17. Two in the bush is better than one in the hand.

n/t

:evilgrin:

[HawkerHurricane]

18. and the Priest says "Not you again!"

n/t

[underpants]

19. Help me find my keys and we will DRIVE out of here

:bounce:

[Rainbowreflect]

20. Where's the bitch with the abscessed tooth.

[SnohoDem]

21. I'm sorry ma'am, I don't know nothin' 'bout those Japanese cars

[sniffa]

22. the man repLies, "i'm bubbLes"

[arwalden]

23. So the one legged jockey says Dont worry about me baby, I ride sidesaddle!

[5thGenDemocrat]

24. And the groom says

"That's okay, Father -- they won't let us into the A&P any more, either."
John
Either that one or "And the doctor says 'N-n-n-n-n-no W-w-w-w-w-ay.'"
It is now 17 days, one hours and three minutes to FUNDAY.

[beyurslf]

25. Lie Pinochio! Lie!

[Donkeyboy75]

26. Adam thought for a minute, then said "What can I get for a rib?"

I'm gonna get flamed, but my wife told me that. And yes, I also think male-bashing jokes are funny.

[NoPasaran]

27. "Twenty-five dollars, Father. Same as downtown."

[bearfan454]

29. You beat me by one minute.

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

32. In that same vein: "Normally I get $5 and a Snickers bar"

.

[bearfan454]

28. The same as in town 20 dollars.

[zbdent]

30. Then I realized he had both hands on my shoulders.

.

[pagerbear]

31. No, that's just the way the light shines on it.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

33. Oh, they fired her, too.

[davsand]

34. They took the seats off the bicycles.

Alternately,

Anybody that can take his cock, wrap it around his waist and stick it in his ear is a tough Mother-fu**er!


Laura

HAD to change the alternate because I suddenly remembered the maritan joke!!!!

[Throckmorton]

35. Bossy the cow is over there,

Thats our bull elemer.

[texas1928]

36. Lady you are 35 and still believe in Leprechauns

[zbdent]

37. No, only one. Twelve tequilas make my

pussy hurt.

[PopSixSquish]

38. With Your Teeth Out and...

Your hair parted like that, you look more like your mother every day.

First Runner Up

"That's it buddy, get it all in there."

Both courtesy of my father, the retired Episcopal priest.

[underpants]

39. Like a donkey eating a falafel

Okay I made that one up

[trackfan]

40. I think i'll just go with the soup.

[ScreamingMeemie]

41. No, I said I had acute ANGINA!

;)

[NuckinFutz]

42. Yes, it does, doesn't it?

[geniph]

43. So that's how I ended up with a 12-inch pianist.

[Unperson 309]

44. Then She Hit Me With A Bag Of Quarters!

[leftofthedial]

45. a good goat'll do that

[johnnie]

46. And two came out

[LostInAnomie]

47. Oh, I peeled the scabs off.

[VOX]

48. "Not bad. Someone tossed me some hot buttered corn while I was waiting."

:evilgrin:

[mitchum]

49. "No, no, that's just ice cream!"

[ConcernedCanuk]

50. "Parkinson's"

.
.
.:evilgrin:

:freak:

.

[ConcernedCanuk]

53. The Joke . . .

.
.
.
Subject: 95 YEARS OLD

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.
Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden
behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat, and before they know it,several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation,Harold turns to Mildred and asks,

"Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks,

"What?"

"SEX!!" he replies

Mildred exclaims,

"Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers,removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled,

"You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

Old Harold smiled happily and replied,

"Parkinson's. :evilgrin: :bounce:

[bif]

51. "She's hung like a donut."

n/t

[AlGore-08.com]

52. So Sven says to Olie: "I don't care if she gets pregnant either - -

- - let's take 'em off."

:spank:

[mac56]

54. "Two candy bars and a Pepsi. Why?"

Runners-up:

"Hey! Where the hell's my cookie?!"
"POSSE! I said: go get the POSSE!"
"You see?! THAT's why no one invites you to parties!"

[Red State Rebel]

55. "Not bad, I got a * for a buck, a buck for a * and five bucks for a

*'d up duck!"