|
OK, so my cannabis deodorant thread didn't get much of a response, much to my disappointment; and here I thought I'd discovered a sure-fire money maker. C'est la vie. So let me tell you about one of my hobbies -- fucking with telemarketers' heads (as opposed to just fucking telemarketers which probably would be verboten on DU).
This afternoon the phone rings and when I answer a very cute female voice on the other end asks in what can only be described as a girlish giggle, "Can you hear me?" Ah! I think, the game's afoot!
"No... but I can hear you."
"Uh... Well, I'd like to send you three free issues of Wastewater Fisherman, Sports Illiterate, and Outdoor Plumbing."
"I'm sorry, but none of those magazines interest me."
Although she was obviously thrown by my opening move, my opponent has regained her composure now that I've fallen right into her script. The impossibly happy girlish voice continues...
"Oh, but we have lots of sports magazines to choose from!"
"Ah, but my dear, I think your computer has discombobulated its' bobulater and picked the wrong guy. I detest sports."
Apparently the poor thing had never heard of a guy who hates sports because she then very tentatively asked, "Oh... Well, what do you do in your spare time then?"
"Well... I don't like to talk about it."
Pause. I can almost hear the little hamster wheel spinning in her head at this point. I think it was 50/50 whether she would just hang up or pursue the call, but in the end curiosity got the best of her.
"Umm... well, you can tell me."
"World domination."
"Huh!?"
"World domination. In my spare time I work at total world domination."
"You're kidding me!"
"No... not at all." I pause briefly for dramatic effect, "...but I'm not very good at it, so I like to concentrate on the little things."
"Ummm... what do you mean?"
"Well, I really shouldn't be telling you this, but have you ever been walking along at night all alone and just as you pass underneath a street lamp it suddenly blinks out?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, that's my work. It's small, but still I'm quite proud of it."
"You're kidding me!"
(Sigh) "Nobody appreciates what I do."
|