If you've met someone online, had two dates that went well, but then

[Deja Q]

was told your potential SO had roommate and job problems (having noted he getting two calls on the 2nd date - one from work and the other from the roommate) so he had to put you aside until his workload went down and found a new place to live, would you believe him?

Would you still believe him after two further, though week-apart follow-up e-mails?

(it's been quiet now so maybe I'm questioning things as I often do. I want to trust him and we really did click, but if he wasn't interested, why would he continue to lead me on? That makes no sense.)

Just looking for ideas, I'm not convinced he's ditched me. (maybe in another week of silence, but not yet...)

[Dookus]

1. I'd put him on the back burner...

if he calls you back, see him again. But don't expect much.

[Deja Q]

2. Agreed. I think he's gone.

I saw he updated his personal ad.

Humans. What a joke of a species.

[Donkeyboy75]

3. There's no way we could know.

Relationships depend on many variables...few of which any of us are privy to. Nobody here could possibly know.

Good luck, though.

[Deja Q]

5. Thanks...

If he does call back, I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Otherwise, oh well. I've been alone for so long of my life combined with being burned so often that maybe I should just drop my standards, try to get a fling if that's still possible, and die a happy death of AIDS. :shrug: :-(

[Donkeyboy75]

7. No bug chasing, hypno!

It's always darkest before dawn. A cliche, but I've found it to be true.

[NightTrain]

4. Something similar happened to me in 1999.

When she found it necessary to cancel five dates on me in six weeks, I decided to drop her.

[indigo32]

6. Its a jungle out there Hypnotoad

hang in there,
and move on from this guy.

[demgurl]

8. My husband had this sort of problem when he was single....

It broke my heart to see her break his heart. They had a long distance/email relationship and then met in Georgia. I am still not convinced that she was not still living with her cop husband. I warned him to be careful, especially when cops were possibly involved.

She just used him like a Kleenex and threw him away in the garbage!

Well, now I have him and appreciate him. You had your chance and now I will make sure he does not get hurt again!

OK, so maybe she does not visit these boards, but there are better people out there. You do not need scum that leads you on and is not enough of a man to even break things off! Good riddance!

[Rowdyboy]

9. What have you invested so far and what do you stand to lose?

If your answer is "not much" then relax and see what happens. Lots of people have job problems and roommates can be a NIGHTMARE. Cut him slack as long as you can-you'll know when its time to cut him off.

Meanwhile, update your profile-what do you have to lose?

[Deja Q]

10. Overreacting pessimist as I am, my proverbial door is not closed.

He would have blown me off for real 2 responses ago. A lot of what he said rang true and still does upon reflection.

His own updated ad is the usual "waiting for a normal guy" type (sigh, that phrase alone has kept me FAR AWAY from many, is normal anyway, pardon the cliche?!) In the end, I dunno. If he wants to go out again, I'm all for it.

Or maybe I did scare him off with my eagerness... either way, life goes on. May as well live it. Life is a journey, and I can't seem to get to the destination. :shrug:

[Rowdyboy]

11. I was so incredibly certain that I would NEVER meet the right person

I absolutely knew for a fact that I had waited too long, I was too old and no longer had enough appeal to get anyone worth having. Nothing but a couple of brief, horrible, short-term relationships that led to nothing but heartache. My straight friends made jokes among themselves about my pathetic dates. Now, their relatonships are in shambles and mine is still going strong. Que sera, sera...

When I met "him", we fit, almost at once. I was 35, he was 39 and newly divorced. Today is his 55th birthday, and I've been with him for everyone since 1989.

Don't ever, ever, ever, ever give up. We met in a bar on a Monday night-who knows when your time will be? The only thing certain is that it will never happen if you stay at home and wait for him to find you.

[Deja Q]

12. Tomorrow, it's boozin' time!

Before the loud music 10pm time... :-) Heck, the way the internet is, it's all phony - even when it seems we were a good match, it just didn't work out. A bar is reality, I suppose...

I hate going out though, but I won't explain why...

Congrats on your LTR! I'm glad you found somebody.

[Rowdyboy]

13. Man, I HATED going out too

It was such a total waste of time and effort and money, but....if I hadn't.....

Please don't think I mean to brag. I know just how incredibly lucky I am. But, if it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone.

BTW, we've only been in a bar maybe a dozen times since I moved in with Michael. Going to gay bars wasn't a way of life for me-it was a means to an end.