Bad Superhero Ideas

[sus]

We've all been there. Sitting at your desk. Overworked. Underpaid. Drunk. and Bored.

Daydreaming about your boss climbing up the wall of your cubicle, a knife clenched in his pointy teeth. Free-associating, liberated from rational thought by over-the-counter cold medication, coming up with ideas, scenarios, movie titles, tawdry scenarios involving puppets.

It's within this frame of mind, that I suggest some of the best of the worst new funny comic book ideas will come from.
We are brilliant. We are the pioneers.

Share your ideas for muscle bound do-gooders, borne like athena from your forehead.

[sus]

1. Checkout Lad: Scanning the aisles for wrongdoers, Safeway-wide.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Noxious Body Odor Man

Able to foil criminals with but one dose of his underarm venom.

His "kryptonite": Right Guard

[sus]

3. Unconvincing Liar Man!!

His lies are so unconvincing, evil doers are STUNNED into immobility!!

[sus]

4. Morning Person! and her trusty sidekick: People Person!

[GOPisEvil]

5. Jump To Conclusions Man

Before you can tell him what's wrong, he finishes your sentence incorrectly and saves someone not in need of being saved.

[sus]

6. CAPTAIN SENSITIVE!

[LynneSin]

7. SUPER SUS

Nah.....nevermind!

[sus]

8. EXACT CHANGE MAN!

[m-jean03]

9. Pee-Confidence Man!

Comes to the aid of the perpetually pee-shy by standing around in public
restrooms and giving pep-talks!!!

[Ratty]

48. I love this one!

Worst ... Super ... Hero ... EVER!

[m-jean03]

50. Thanks!

I'm honored -- there's some pretty awful ones on this list, too! :pals:

[sus]

10. Captain Corpulence! The Flabby Freedom Fighter!

[GOPisEvil]

11. His sidekick: Bulimia Boy!

[sus]

12. THE GOLDEN SHOWER!

[GOPisEvil]

13. Umbrella Man!

Always there for those that forget.

[m-jean03]

16. I don't know why, but this made me laugh!!!

He would be helpful here in the NW!! :)

[GOPisEvil]

19. Here too...it's rained for 3 days straight.

[LynneSin]

14. Should we just start a forum here at DU for Sus & GOPisEvil

:shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

What makes you think there isn't one already?

:D

[sus]

18. Look! up in the sky! it's a REAGAN! it's a REAGAN! it's Great IDEA girl!!!

[LynneSin]

23. I'm going to kick your ass

Wait, I already have!

Well, my cats are going to kick your cats asses!!!

[sus]

15. The Facilitator!!

Seemingly helpful, this evil villain ruins lives and destroys productivity by using long, meaningless phrases to disguise his ultimate goal: the destruction of your time with stupid meetings!

[XNASA]

17. Cannonfodderman and his partner Trebuchet

Cannonfodderman has no powers. Instead he explodes himself out of a cannon, often resulting in near fatal injuries to himself. His assist, Trebuchet, is similar...except that instead of blasting out of a cannon, he's launched thousands of feet into the air using a Trebuchet. Unfortunately, since his flight is so long and he's easy to spot, it's not difficult for the villians to merely step aside at the last second as Trebuchet crashes to the ground.

[sus]

20. Professor Prostate! Able to cease the flow of urine with a single flare-up

[GOPisEvil]

21. Don't forget his sidekick: THE LATEX GLOVE!

Sssssssss-NAP!!!

[sus]

22. it's Coughing Man!! Turning the heads of evil doers since 1978!!

[sus]

24. The Spanker! slapping the backside of crime since 1950!

[jpgray]

25. Captain Ennui (nt)

[sus]

26. Nuance man! He says what he means, and shades it with the right meaning!!

every time!!!

[m-jean03]

29. You guys are too smart for me!!

That's beautiful!!! :toast:

[GOPisEvil]

27. Captain CEO - able to run a multinational corporation AND fight crime.

Hilarity ensues when our hero has to arrest himself for polluting the atmosphere.

[GOPisEvil]

28. Delusions of Grandeur Man

He's really a kick-ass super hero...in his own mind.

[sus]

31. HAHA! good one!

[sus]

30. Eyes in the back of her head Woman! SHE SAW THAT!!

[Skinner]

32. Years ago, when he was still on NBC, Letterman did a top 10 list

"Top 10 lest exciting superhero super powers"

I can't remember all of them, but three of them stick out in my mind...

"Super spelling"
"Ability to make it with other superheroes' wives"
"Really bendy thumb"

I love that last one. Really bendy thumb. LOL.

[Skinner]

35. I just found the entire list. Gotta love Google.

Top 10 Least Exciting Superpowers (August 3, 1990)

10. Super spelling
9. Lightning-fast mood swings
8. Really bendy thumb
7. Can breathe soup
6. Ability to calm jittery squirrels
5. Power to shake exactly two aspirin out of a bottle
4. Ability to get tickets to Goodwill Games
3. Power to score with other superheroes' wives
2. Ability to communicate with corn
1. Magnetic colon

[sus]

38. HAHA! Can breathe soup. I love that.

[GOPisEvil]

40. *snerk* magnetic colon!!

[DrWeird]

33. Here's one: Batman.

He doesn't have any superpowers, but he's rich and has some fancy gizmos on his belt. Oh, and a goofy car. And airplane perhaps.

[GOPisEvil]

34. Please. That'll never sell.

[mede8er]

36. Super Miss Cleo.....

This time she'll see the law comin days in advance......:+

[sus]

37. Bureaucrat Man! Forces criminals to submit plans in triplicate!!

oh the HORROR!!!

[bif]

39. Captain Bladder!

Can sit in his cube and only take one leak a day.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

41. The Human Porch

Proud member of the Fantastic Furniture!

[commander bunnypants]

42. BiClops

from the Simpsons

DDQM

[sus]

43. Patchouli Man!!

With a swirl of his stringy hair, a poof of his
tie-died shirt and a stomp of his mighty
birkenstocks, a great green cloud of
"essential" oils asphixiates the bad
people. And animals. And other folks
in line at the bank.
And some people at a Phish concert.

[put out]

46. And his trusty sidekick,

Granola Girl! With a soiled sleeping bag under her arm, she trots through camp sites looking for the evil and subversive, especially those who shave or use Tupperware. She will not tolerate antiperspirant nor artificial topically applied enhancement on the female face. Together, they shall liberate us all from hygiene and modern convenience!

Let's all get into the smoke lodge, come on you weenies.

[Canuckistanian]

44. Indifference man

Able to ignore giant problems with a single yawn!

See him lose attention during crises!

With his trusty sidekick, Boy Ignorance, he roams the globe, not looking for, well, anything!

[sus]

45. The Blinker!

Leaves his turn signal on, confusing all evil doers driving behind.

[Tom Kitten]

47. Pus Pot Pete (formerly known as The Black Head) and Acne Lad

They "boil" in anger as they "put the squeeze" on the pimples of society!

[AlGore-08.com]

49. Captain Lemming!

Vaults over the guard railing of the nations sky scrapers, plunging to his death, thereby accomplishing nothing.

[AlGore-08.com]

51. Super Wolf Blitzer!

Uses the power of his mega-stupidity to mindlessly parrot RNC spin points while disguising himself as a drunk-@ss weasel.

[jakefrep]

52. Constipation Man

Clogs the bowels of crime!

[daligirrl]

53. Ineffectual Middle-Management Man . . .

Bores his foes to death with long pointless meetings about ideas that will never be implemented.