Tell me somethin' good.

[XNASA]

Mrs. XNASA dropped in at home from work unexpectedly this afternoon.

Our 16 year old son was throwing a party for a few special friends and hadn't gotten a single chore done as he had promised.

Beer bottles littered the rec room, teens scattering in every which direction. And that's just for starters.

It wouldn't be so bad, except that our son couldn't have had a worse year in school grade-wise. He's been to counselling...we've tried everything.

Tell me something to keep me optimistic. Please.

[htuttle]

1. He'll be 18 in 2 years

:shrug: Did that help?

[XNASA]

4. Well, that's something that to forward to, for sure.

But, I sure hope that he experiences an epiphany between now and then......

[htuttle]

11. We have two in their twenties

Don't hold your breath regarding the epiphany...sometimes it takes a bit longer.

[GOPisEvil]

2. I finally move in to my house today.

And, I have no teenagers to wreck it. So, that's good for me, I guess.

[TX-RAT]

7. Did they finish the driving range yet.

[matcom]

3. ditch the counseling

it won't work. if he says it helps he is lying to you. my folks did the same thing (sounds like i was A LOT like your son in my youth). he probably hates you for it. i did.

figure out how to keep him safe (i.e. no drinking and driving, etc...)

don't know how you feel about his drinking/pot smokeing maybe? but if you are ok with it, tell him to do it in front of you so you make sure he is ok.

treat him like an adult. that is what he is looking for. i have more (sorry this is hurried) but its a start.

PM me if you want my experiences. i was never a parent but was a pretty fucked up teen. turned out ok (i think) though :)

[sangh0]

8. I was with you, until

I got to the "turned out ok (i think) though", followed by your cartoon ass.

:-)

[XNASA]

9. He hated the counselling.

And I really didn't get on with the counseller either.

The drinking/smoking.....I understand that he feels the need to experiment. But it's not OK to do it in front of us. Perhaps if he could be trusted, but he can't. He's really shown a lack of judgement lately.

I might take you up on your offer.

Thanks pal.

[matcom]

15. if he can't do it in front of you he will do it behind your back

and he will drive.

you got some tough choices here. PM me

[XNASA]

19. He won't drive. He can't drive.

He hasn't been able to get his licence because his grades are so poor.

Illinois has made it prohibitive for 16 & 17 year olds to drive. It's costs $$$$$ bigtime. Plus, it's illegal for a car full of 16 & 17 years olds to joyride. No more than 2 teens in a car unless they're with an adult.

He may drive someday....but he won't drive while he's still at home.

[matcom]

21. are you comfortable with his friends who DO have licenses?

cause the ones he hangs out with are the ones with similar interests. trust me.

if he drinks, his friends drink
if he :smoke: his friends :smoke:

if they don't then he ain't doing it.

bottom line - he will do it in YOUR house or somewhere else where you can't protect him

i could/should have died at least 4 times in my teenage years. not trying to scare you but don't be blind either

[XNASA]

23. They don't drive either.

I can take the good with the bad.

It's just that there's no good.

[matcom]

26. there is a TON OF GOOD!

this is MUCH too complicated to do over a message board.

there is a LOT going on here trust me. i was hooked on coke in the 80's at the age of 17 man. it is VERY complicated and you need to understand him.

you will be limited in what you can do but there are things he needs (hopefully he isn't as fucked up as i was) and a lot of that is letting him find his way.

hey, if you want me to call you, let me know. be happy to help. remember, i am not a parent but WAS a crazy teen.

let me know man. i'll do what i can

[Name removed]

16. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Tom_Foolery]

14. I agree with MATCOM...

Be open about any nasty habits that he has. They'll lose their shock value. My parents did that with me and my sister. It worked. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I now do it with my 13 year-old stepdaughter. She knows that nothing shocks me, so she's realized that there is no point in trying to shock me. Good luck!!!

[XNASA]

22. I'm open, for sure.

He knows that I'm open-minded. And to be honest, my brothers and I were terrors. Nothing shocks me. Nothing.

But....we were good students. We were intellectually curious. We read books. I myself graduated from HS a semester early. I didn't like it, so I did the work and got on with my life.

He wants none of that. I've never seen him with a book in his hand. His friends are ignorant slackers.

It's so disappointing.

[Tom_Foolery]

30. I've known a lot of guys who were like your son...

the only thing that ever changed them was getting slapped around by life. Now it didn't change all of them; but in the 26 years that I've been out of school, I've seen some of the guys that were absolute terrors back then. They'll come over, shake my hand, and tell me what they've been through. I've had several apologize for being mean to me back then. I hope your son comes to his senses sooner than later... for your sake. Take care!!

[Name removed]

17. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[commander bunnypants]

5. sounds like me

and I turned pretty damn well. Keep on supporting him

DDQM

[greatauntoftriplets]

6. Cubs leading 12 - 2...

...7th inning.

[XNASA]

10. There ya go!

That cheered me up.

Thanks.

[greatauntoftriplets]

18. Anytime!

Except when they are losing, of course. then, it's.....

:evilfrown:

[FuriousMNDem]

13. I smell a Cubs/Twins World Series!

Although the Cubs aren't exactly leading the division.

So? :D

[adriennel]

12. I grew out of it!

I was a horrible teenager (...according to my parents. I was a GREAT teenager when it came to drinking and throwing parties while the 'rents were away : )

I am now a fully functioning member of society.

--The "pop-in" could be a very useful tactic. If your son knows there is a chance you or your wife or a family friend could stop by any time, he will be less likely to use your home for those activities.
--Also, find out which of his friends have parents who work all day. Since it is summer, I would be wary of his spending inordinate amounts of time at "Bobby's" house.
--Find out which of his friends have cars, or if your son has a car, try to monitor it's use.
--Prepare for two more years of worry and/or sleeplessness. The good news is, 16 is probably the worst year in terms of behavior(it was for me)
--counseling is costly and often sucky. but good counseling is priceless so don't stop trying. the right therapist can make all the difference, unfortunately they can be difficult to find.

Good luck, my friend! Time shall cure all teenagers.

[VelmaD]

20. I'm not wearing...

any underwear. :evilgrin:

Did that help? ;)

[XNASA]

24. LOL!!!!

Yes. Thanks.

That helped a lot.

[VelmaD]

27. Glad to be of assistance.

On a more serious note, we went through this with my niece a couple of years ago. With both her parents working she was staying home alone during the summer. One of the parents got home early one day and she wasn't there. Found out she was running around with friends and dressing like a little tramp and her parents went ballistic.

Anyway, long story short, she spent the rest of the summer with one of the parents or me calling her randomly throughout the day and if she didn't answer she was in big trouble. I'm talking if she went to the can she better take the phone with her. And we varied the schedule so she'd never know when the call was coming.

[XNASA]

25. Thanks for all your help. I'm signing off for now.

Time to go home and see what's goin' on.

[Susang]

28. The O'Banion's reunion is Saturday night

Not helping? Didn't think so. :-(

I don't have any experience in this area (other than being the bad child, so I don't know what to tell you. I guess there's always bourbon (for you, that is!). ;-)

[prolesunited]

29. Well, I was a "bad" girl

and look how well I've turned out. (I hope that doesn't scare you more. ;-) )

I don't know what more I can say. Would a change of environment help? Is he the leader or the follower?

Know that you're doing the best you can and that age, they really are starting to make their own choices. How about him getting a job? That would keep him occupied.

On a brighter note, see you Sunday! :hi: