Disaster

[aljones]

I fear that I have completely lost all that I have worked toward. I made a promise to myself that I would stay away from this one man. I have failed. About a month or so ago I asked everyone heres opinion about attending a Frat Party. (see link)
I did not go. I did well that night. Last night I was not so lucky. When does the hopelessness of life go away? When will I be free from this hell that it him? Why can't I tell him no? Inevitable depression has set in.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1114633


smile ally

[loftycity]

1. One of these days he will fade out into the sunset

You will just get tired of him..and the fastest way is leave yourself open to meet some one else. So you can give that horse he is riding a swift kick and get him on his sunset ride.
Lofty
nothing like a new guy to forget about and old guy...

[SarahB]

2. Men who get under our skin

...that don't care about us. It's like a band-aid. Just rip it off quick and toss it in the garbage. Not worth the agony.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. Stop kicking yourself...

It sounds superficially like you're making some unreasonable demands on yourself.

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself (and him, if necessary), to get a realistic perspective of what's happening here:

1) How do I really feel about him?

2) How does he feel about me?

3) Is anyone hurt by this relationship?

4) What kind of relationship do I really want with him?

Be honest with yourself...

[Bossy Monkey]

4. A quick course in cognitive therapy

Those of us who are total depressives (I'm the president, chairman of the board, and world champion) have a tendency to do three things, and you just did all of them. We catastrophize (this bad thing that happened is a calamity; it's all over!); we personalize (It's all my fault!); and we do a third thing I can't make a verb out of, but it has to do with permanence (Things will never get better!) Take a deep breath, go read this: http://www.mastersforum.com/archives/seligman/selig.htm
then when you have more time, read his book "Learned Optimism" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671019112/thewhythingsdont/102-2835326-4505706
but in the mean time, remember the following:
Sometimes it's hard to do what you know is the right thing.
Everybody makes mistakes.
Making one mistake isn't the end of the world, doesn't make you a bad person, and isn't going to ruin your life.
Men are weasel-bastard-shitboxes, and are to be avoided. (Ok, I'm mostly kidding about that one.)
The sun is probably going to rise in the morning.
You never lose what you've been working toward. Two steps forward and one step back is the normal way humans progress toward personal growth.

Now you smile!

[FleshCartoon]

5. This is some great advice from Undisclosedlocation.

I've been there twice: once I was a teenager and really didn't know better. I just got tired of his shit finally and made up my mind to put him out of my life. It was hurtful for a bit and everyone we both knew thought it their duty to tell me exactly what and who he was doing for a few months. But I got some new friends and ended up rising above it. He left town, but ended up calling me and asking me to join him after I graduated (as if!). I got to tell him no with not even a twinge of regret.

The other one was about 7 years ago and I was old enough to know better, but still acted like an idiot over the guy who was only fucking with my head for his own still unrevealed reasons. I fell for the stupidest shit where he was concerned, even though I'm a pretty bright and independent person. Then he'd call me with the big apology and begging me to come over--and I'd go every damned time.

Okay, this is going to sound stupid, but bear with me: remember that cute little Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore movie The Wedding Singer? If so, there was a conversation between those two characters about Drew's lover who, though he had flown across the ocean (or whatever) many times, didn't offer her the window seat for her first flight over it. Well, that's because her lover devalued her. And that's where I was with this guy. He finally got tired of toying with me after two years and left me. Thank God. I didn't think so at the time, but I can now say it: Thank God!

I know you don't believe me, because I didn't when my friends tried to tell me while I was in the midst of it, but there is life after this guy. There is. One day you'll merely be embarrassed when you think of how much you thought you cared for him. You'll laugh at yourself in time over it.

I promise. Now get some sleep and stop beating yourself up. You deserve better and you damn well know it. Do something really nice for yourself before you go to bed and do not pick up that phone and dial it for anything in this world, unless you're calling your mom or sister!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

7. Hey wait, they told me I was the world champion! Dammit.

I take more effexor than you do!

I think.

[youngred]

6. Stay away!!!

Please Allison stay away from him at all costs.

hang in there my friend

[Tom_Foolery]

8. Dig deep inside yourself and tell him NO....

I had an affair with a married woman a long time ago. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. When I thought it was over, she drew me back into her web. I finally told her NO. It took me a long time to get over her. I started working on myself. I learned new skills, met new people, and started living a successful life. They really hate it when you start living a successful life without them. It's so hard...I know. One thing you really need to do is teach yourself the ability to shut out any thoughts of this man. The second you start thinking of him, quickly think of something else. It works. I used to go completely blank, erasing any thoughts of her. I then focused on music, art, etc. Good luck!!! You can do it!!!! Life does get better!!!