Odd thing....

[punpirate]

I live in a poor neighborhood, and had used a high-school kid in the neighborhood to mow my lawn (or, more specifically, the weeds) in the past. I was driving down the cross street when I saw him with his sister and pushing his youngest brother in a wheelchair, and slowed to ask him if he could mow my lawn again. He said, sure, and an hour later, they were all in my yard with the lawnmower.

About halfway through the job, they'd run out of gas, so I offered to drive one of them up to get gas. The ten-year-old girl was elected to go with me to get gas, so her older brother could stay with his handicapped brother. Driving to the gas station, I asked her name, and she said, "Leticia" and I asked if she went to a local elementary school, and she said, "yes." Beyond that, nothing.

I feel a bit badly that this ten-year-old couldn't open up at all. I don't want to think that this could be symptomatic of the implicit racism in the local schools, but I fear that it might be. I'm big, old, white, and I suppose that that might be intimidating to a ten-year-old black kid. But I wish that it weren't. Wish I knew how to bridge that gulf. But, I don't.

Suggestions are welcome for the next time I meet this kid.

[Mojambo]

1. Don't try too hard

Time is really the only thing that is going to make her more comfortable.

Plus, black or white she might just be shy. I know I usually clam up around strangers. This too will pass with more familiarity.

Good on you that you even consider such issues. I wish more people had your kind of sensitivity to these things.

-Joe

[punpirate]

3. Thanks...

... I just tried to be my usual self. Maybe that wasn't enough. I just felt badly when she ducked going by a few houses down the road, and wished she'd said something when I asked how she liked her school.

I probably went beyond some bound in what I thought were simple questions. I'll go easier in the future.

Thanks.

[pauliedangerously]

2. You are an honorable man

Time and patience. Next time you see her, smile and say, "Hi, Leticia."

You have no way of knowing what her life is like, whether she's been abused, or if she's just introverted, or whatever.

Your post really tugs at my heart, brother, for I have experienced things like that many times.

If she says "Hi" back to you, try introducing youself, first name only. Tell her your nickname, "Punpirate," for example, and encourage her to call you that. It may evoke a question from her, like "Why do you call yourself THAT?"

These are just ideas, and only you can judge what's the most appropriate. Do you know her brother's name? The one who cuts the grass? Try to make an introduction to him if you haven't already, same scenario.

If I knew what region of the country you live in I could offer more insight; I've lived in the South, the Northeast, and the Midwest, and it's a little different in each place...the Midwest being more different than the other two.

[punpirate]

4. In the southwest...

... but in an area which is white-dominated. That might be part of it.

You give several good suggestions--I'll work on those later, as circumstances allow.

[jpgray]

6. To a parent 'punpirate' might also sound like your cult name

Stick to the first names, friend. :) Kids like 'em same as anyone. Don't afford anybody anyhow any kind of special treatment, and just get along with them as you do yourself and 'get along with it'.

(and a residually inebriated good mornin' to you)

[punpirate]

7. Takin' yer "residually inebriated" advice...

... I'm almost always m'self in real life. *smile**

[jpgray]

8. Yeah

Later tonight I'll have a face so long you'll have to turn your head to see the end of it. :)

[pauliedangerously]

11. Sounds like the Midwest

It's been hardest for me here in the MW. You hit the nail on the head. Blacks are much more comfortable in the South due to their greater numbers, and I found it very easy to open dialogues with them there.

I can remember asking some of my Afram friends why they don't move to more progressive parts of the country and get out of the more racially tense South. The fact is, the South is more racially tense from the White perspective, because the lesser tolerant Whites feel that the Blacks are taking over.

When a Virginia resident, I have thrown people out of my home in fits of rage for making that assertion to me.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

5. Sounds stupid when I write it, but...

Just like any other kid. They get the "fear of strangers" shit pounded into them all the time, and here she is in a car with you... I mean, look at it from her POV.

Time, like the others said.

[punpirate]

9. Good point. Thanks... n/t

[SarahB]

10. I thought the same thing.

I'm sure you're a decent man, but speaking as the mother of a daughter around that age, I honestly wouldn't even allow her to be alone in a car with a man who was just a neighbor I didn't know well. It's a scary world.

[Lars39]

12. It might have been because you were an adult

asking the inevitable "school" question. Some kids are touchy about questions about school. :shrug:

[jukes]

13. excellent advise

all over this thread. can't add a goddam thing, 'cept you must be a righteous dude to care this much. that alone shd do the trick, in time.



:hi: