The only thing that cheered me up today was Culture Club!!

[aljones]

Today was one of the lowest days I have had in quite sometime. For those of you who have followed my personal relationship drama you may understand. But anyway, today at lunch with my mom we heard that song by Culture Club, Miss Me Blind. we sang along as we drove back to work. I was almost happy again for a while. It was nice. I have spent the rest of the day trying to find that song again!! I miss him now and I wonder if it will ever stop!

Threads about my drama:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1267466

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1114633

smile ally

[Droopy]

1. Well, I just read the other threads

Why is having an intimate relationship with this guy so depressing? Why are you throwing away everything you've worked for by being with him? It seems like you could have a good time with him and not be so attatched that you have to do things his way. I don't understand why you're depressed.

[aljones]

2. Simple

I had planned to stay away from him. (that is what is thrown away) It will never turn into a real relationship, which to me makes it pointless. That is the problem I am not attached! Most of the time I could care less about him, but there are times, like now, when I have seen him, talked with him, expressed my hopes and dreams about my future and the worlds. That there is that part of me that thinks there is something special. And surely there is, but it is not a good kind of special.

Ultimately the problem is that I want to!! He says hey why don't you come here and I say sure. Not because I have too, but because I want too!! And that makes me feel so horribly guilty. Not to mention sad for being week.

[Droopy]

3. Oh, so you don't like to play around

Well the only cure I can think of for that is to find a partner who is looking for a serious, dedicated relationship. Then your desire to be with this other fella will melt away.

But who am I to give advice. I'm single and I have no intentions of being otherwise and I've never been in a long-term relationship. So I better not play Dr. Droopy love specialist too much.

[aljones]

4. lol

At least you are happy with who you are. I am happy with who I am most of the time. I question my ethics sometimes because of my unwillingness to stay away from people who are bad for me!

I am by no means a saint and don't mean to come across as such. I just wish I didn't like him as much as I do.

I am not sure that I am looking for a serious relationship myself. The last one I had ended very badly. Not sure I am ready to trust someone again. Which is another reason why after two years I still have this unresolved attraction to him. I don't have to trust him, he is not mine to worry about.

Doesn't mean I don't feel guilty.

smile ally