Let your grumpy old man (or woman) out!

[Khephra]

RANT:

I FREEPING HATE FIREWORKS!!! Especially fireworks set off by people who shoot them off at your house!

:grr:

[Wickerman]

1. Hey you kids

get off my ()*&)^ing lawn

thanks, I needed that

[Khephra]

2. You throw your ball in my yard!

And I'm keeping it! Grumble, grumble... Damn kids.

[Archae]

3. When I was your age...

I walked to school ten miles each day! Barefoot! In the snow when it was 20 below zero, uphill both ways!

So don't give me this "I need a ride to school" crap! :crazy:

[Speck Tater]

4. What's wrong with these young people who won't take good advice

from someone older and wiser?

Now when I was young, I always listened to my edler's advice.

Well sometimes I listened.

Ok, so I didn't pay any attention,


ever.


But kids today should be smarter than that. They should listen to my sage advice.

[tigereye]

6. sick of those tatoos and piercings ( not really, but)

and I don't want to see your underwear!
and turn down the bass on your car stereo!
and I hate most non-political rap!
and how come you aren't insecure like we were in my day!
and how can you be Republicans without any concept of history!

the curmudgeon in me thanks you for this opportunity to vent. ;)
grumble, grumble

[Khephra]

5. The Good Old Days

Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.

Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?

Terry Gilliam: You're right there Obediah.

Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?

MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

GC: A cup ' COLD tea.

EI: Without milk or sugar.

TG: OR tea!

MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.

EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness."

EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.

GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!

TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! We used to have to live in a corridor!

MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.

EI: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.

GC: We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!

TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.

MP: Cardboard box?

TG: Aye.

MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

ALL: Nope, nope..

[put out]

7. Hey, you kids,

You can walk your bikes down through my yard, but don't ride them, the lawn is crappy enough! Hey, you heard me! I'm calling your mother!

Gol dang animals are eating my flowers, and the tomatoes. Have the stinking peppers, you gol dang animals! Leave the gol dang tomatoes and flowers alone! Good thing for you're cute and I can't shoot you here in the city. Of course, the chipmunks would probably succumb to a slingshot. I'm checking it out for the legality of it.

And you young people, don't drive so fast down the gol dang street! Shit, you aren't going anywhere anyway; you are just getting nowhere faster. We got kids living on this street, they could be injured or much worse, and your driving is for shit.

Get off the gol dang cell phone. I don't need to hear you get advice from three different sources about which bread to buy. Or which meat. And what kind. And which cut. And what laundry detergent, including bleach or not. Color-saving detergent or not. Liquid or powder. Shit, just make a choice and live with it; it doesn't constitute signing a mortgage. You are not going to starve nor go with unwashed clothing if you can afford a walk around telephone.