Share Your Funniest Fart Stories

[Unperson 309]

For me it would have to be the time during a wedding when the vows were being read. The minister had just come to the part about "Is there anyone here who has reason to believe this marriage should not take place. Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Someone "spoke". My guess is he tried for a discreet little 'peep' but the container was a bit more pressurized than he expected. BRRAAAAPPPP!! It was captured on the wedding video, I think. The rest of the ceremony was conducted amid smothered snorts of laughter.

Fortunately bride and groom were goos sports about it... in fact, the groom was in tears trying not to bust up laughing during the 'I do's'

309

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

1. Oh, that is hilarious!

Nothing that amusing has happened to me. I guess when my husband emitted a fart in bed that I swear lasted a full 30 seconds and covered several octaves.

[liberalpragmatist]

2. You're joking

That's impossible.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

3. No, I'm not joking!

It went on FOREVER and was quite musical, really - we STILL roll on the floor laughing about it.

[liberalpragmatist]

7. Damn

30 seconds? I'm trying to imagine that, and I realize HOW LONG 30 seconds REALLY is.

Damn.

[dudeness]

5. did he pull the blankets over your head?..

so you could really enjoy the aroma...lol

[liberalpragmatist]

8. eh, generally loud ones don't smell

Remember, silent but deadly.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

9. You're right - it didn't smell

Another fart story - my mom used to have problems with that while grocery shopping, for some reason. With every step she'd do a little "boot - boot - boot - boot." I used to walk behind her talking loudly to cover for her.

[texas1928]

18. You never met my dad.

He was deadly know matter the if he was noisy or not.

[Spinzonner]

12. What was the Richter measurement ?

[texas1928]

19. I can relate to that

I have done that before. My parents are in to herbal medicines and I was not feeling well one day, this was after I had moved out and been on my own for a while. My dad gave me a garlic tablet with cayenne in it. My not feeling good went away but I had an intense pain in my lower back all the way home, I lived thirty minutes away from them. I was hurting so bad I could not sit back on the truck seat. I got home and I continued to hurt. God was that pain. well finally after about 2 hours of pain, I let go with the loudest, and longest fart, my dog was laying next to me, she jumped up and ran to the other room. My roommate was asleep in the other room and he camem out and asked "did you say something?" I could not stop laughing, the dog sat across the room and stared at me the rest of the night with this look, that she could not trust me. but Hey after that one I felt so much better.

[CO Liberal]

4. When My Mother Was Still Alive...

...I was talking to her long distance - CO to NJ. Our dog Peanut was sitting on teh living room floor, cleaning herself. Suddenly, Peanut farted - for a minute she froze in place, mesmerized by the smell. It was all I could do not to laugh, because I didn't want to explain to Mom why I was laughing.

[ironflange]

6. I was in Grade 5 or so

The police department's safety mobile came to the school. It was a semi trailer with a classroom inside, tres cool, used to teach bike safety etc. The class was sitting in there watching the show, and I was suffering a painful pressure buildup. Finally, I was unable to hold it, and, hoping for a silent one, had to release some of that pressure. No luck, out came a high peeeeeeeOOOOOOOEEEEYYYYYYYYY sound. I can still hear it. I can also see everyone sitting in front of me turn around and stare. What could I do? I also turned around to stare at the miscreant. Unfortunately, I was sitting in the last row.

[SnohoDem]

10. Toilet Training

Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? Well, I hope you remember this story when they
start getting frustrated. A lady wrote, My three year
old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco
Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very
busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny so of course I checked my
seven month old daughter and she was clean. Then I
realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him and he said no. I kept thinking,
oh Lord that child has had an accident and I didn't
have any clothes with me. Then I said, Matt are you
sure you did not have an accident? I just knew that he
must have had an accident, cause the smell was
getting worse. SOOO, I asked one more time MATT DID
YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT? This time with a little smirk
on his face he jumped up and yanked down his pants,
bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, SEE MOM
IT'S JUST GAS!!!! While 100 people nearly choked to
death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants
and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I
was mortified, but some kind elderly people made me
feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked
me for the best laugh they had ever had.

(Not my story, but when I read it, I figured this child must be a relative.)

[Tom Kitten]

11. I already posted this but what the hey...

It was a sidebar on another thread that got ignored...but then again farts should be ignored in polite society I suppose...

"this reminds me of an old college dorm neighbor who was kinda cool but had the odd habit of taking his lighter and igniting his farts as he sat in his chair talking to us (only person I've ever seen do this)...The last time I saw him try this, it was in warm weather and he was wearing shorts...I remember seeing a blue and then yellow flames around his crotch before he suddenly jumped up and started yelling "ouch ouch ouch!" holding himself...I guess the gas had pooled around his privvies and he burnt his testicles as well as a good portion of his pubic hair...I know I for one was literally ROTFLMAO as he ran down the hall to the bathroom... I think that was the last time he did that! "

[liberalpragmatist]

13. That's great

hopefully there wasn't any permanent damage.

[CaliforniaLady]

14. When my brother was in college...

he had a "fart collection" on a shelf in his dorm room. He and his friends would fart into small capped jars and then put labels on the jars of what they ate/drank prior to the fart.

A pizza and beer fart has a distinct difference over a fried chicken and cola fart. :)

[bratcatinok]

15. My then husband and I were in a bookstore

browsing through the books. He was half an aisle down from me, standing up sideways while he read the introduction in the front of a book. In his peripheral vision he saw a female come up, bend over and start looking at books on the second to the bottom shelf. He thought it was me....it wasn't. He let out a long, high pitched squeaky fart right in the ladies face. I heard it from where I was standing.

After he was done, he turned around to face the woman he thought was me. By this time she had jerked upright and was staring at him in horror. As he turned he brought up his thumb in a thumbs up position. He realized it wasn't me and his hand dropped to his side and then he hurriedly put the book back on the shelf. He practically ran down the aisle toward me and almost pushed me out of the store.

We never went back to that bookstore again.

[Red State Rebel]

20. Oh my gawd!!

I was laughing so hard dog jumped on the couch and looked at me like there was something wrong with me.

[TXlib]

16. I asked a smoker in a restaurant to stop smoking.

There was no non-smoking section, and the place was empty. But he sat down right next to us and blazed up.

He told me to fuck off.

So, as I turned around, I lifted up a cheek, and let one rip two feet from his face.

He wasn't expecting that response. He just gave me a stunned look, and then left.

[thebaghwan]

17. We lived across the street from the Catholic School and I and a friend

would go to high 8:30 a.m. mass to check out this babe that always went to mass with her family. Anyway it was a warm summer morning and I wasn't feeling so well in the tummy when I really started feeling bad and decided i better leave so I get out of the pew and go right up front by the altar and genuflect and just as the padre is elevating the host I let go with a wall shaking fart. I mean a good 5-7 second ripper which managed to reverberate through the entire church.

[Red State Rebel]

21. My 4 year old Granddaughter let one go in a room full of company

and promptly looked up at me, smiled and said "Grandma, my butt burped!".

The whole place went to pieces....

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

22. I have a couple

stories, that is. When I was a kid, my father (bless his soul) was in the Air Force and stationed to a base in Germany. Our family was invited to a party in the apartment of his Commanding Officer who lived beneath us in military housing. I remember my father discussing his own grandfather with his Commanding Officer and suddenly announcing to all the guests that he was going to show them something his grandfather used to do. What he had intended to do was get down on the floor and execute a one-arm push-up. My dad had been a prize fighter in his youth and was very strong. Anyway, he got down on all fours right in front of all the guests including his Commanding Officer and, before he could get into position to do the push-up, he let out a whopping fart in front of everyone and then collapsed to the floor in laughter, particularly because it had appeared that this is what he had solemnly told everyone his grandfather used to do. His Commanding Officer was drunk and had a very good laugh.

The other story is from a time when my family visited Wind Cave National Park, South Dakota. The Park Ranger was about to guide us into the cave, but stopped at the old cave entrance, a small hole barely wider than a man's shoulders. The guide told us that the name "Wind Cave" came from the fact that the cave's air was very sensitive to changes in barometric temperature of the outside air, and would alternately blow inward or outward, with very great force. Just as the tour guide was saying "outward, with very great force" a little 10 year old kid in our group let out one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. The tour guide took about 5 minutes to recover.

[bearfan454]

23. My 3 1/2 year old granddaughter let one go in my face.

I get up for work at 9:00 pm. I lay on the couch about 15 minutes when I first get up. My angel usually comes over and sits with me unless SpongeBob or ScubyDo is on. About a month ago she climbed up on me, put her butt in my face and cut a big one. Mrs bearfan cracked up. I had to laugh myself even though it was gross.