I'm going to jump on the bandwagon, I'm f**king depressed too.

[Exultant Democracy]

And for no good reason that I can think of. Two months ago I was a waste of space. I had spent the last year going to college (kind of) not working and pretty much drinking all the time living off a few hundred dollars a month and I was pretty freaking content.

Two months ago I was running out of money and the semester was almost over so I decide to get a summer job (in sales) just to tide myself over till school started. As luck would have it I turned out to be very good at my job and I got promoted within a month, but since I was new they put me in the worst store in one of the bottom locations as the manager.

It turned out that I am even better as a manager then as a salesman and since I took over the location has over doubled in output.

I have even started dating again finally after being dumped by my s/o of four years about ten months ago (one of the many reasons I was drinking so much.)

It would stand to reason that any 22 year old that had managed to get his life together and was making six figures a year on what was only going to be a summer job would be happy, but I have never found failure as disappointing as I am finding success.

So wtf is wrong with me. Everyone tells me how proud they are of me nd what a good job I am doing. Now when I see my mother she beams at me instead of giving me that look she used to that said "what did you do to your future." But part of me wants to cash it all in and go back to being a 50% homeless drunkin asshole sleeping till three everyday, spending the next five hours on DU and then going out drinking, without even a basic grasp of what day of the week it is.

Am I a piece of work or what?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. Funny thing success is

or as Peggy Lee said, "Is that all there is?"

The next task on your ladder is to find a place of contentment within you that is unrelated to your circumstances...that way, whether you are farting in silk or pissing by the roadside, you can know happiness.

I can't tell you exactly HOW to do it but I can tell you it comes from living out of a true desire to transform your being...there's not ONE lone way of doing it...

[Exultant Democracy]

9. Yeah the "Is that all there is?" is a big part of it.

It wasn't even hard to do. I had always expected to be good at something, but I had assumed it was going to be something "useless" involving sitting around in a library all day doing bookish things.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

12. Creating a purpose in life is necessary

Survival isn't the be all and end all and success is part of the "I'm surviving better than you" game.

[Exultant Democracy]

18. Got any hints?

I guess that would be cheating. I had always assumed that my purpose in life would be related to my work, but I never intended to work in the business world.My passion has always been for reading, research and to a lesser degree writing.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

21. That's your passion..what purpose would it serve?

[Exultant Democracy]

22. I have always felt

that learning was it's own purpose, and that perhaps I would be able to find a way to put food on the table while I was doing it as a side benefit.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

23. So is your purpose to empower people?

Or to teach?

Learning MAY be it's own purpose but it doesn't answer the question of the meaning you could grant to your own life when things seem shallow.

[SarahB]

2. There's no "should be happy"

Most people would probably say the same thing to me having no idea really what's inside me or both my long term and short term histories. Sometimes, you find yourself living your life based on someone else's expectations (or society's) without asking yourself, "what do I really want?"

And if you get too gloomy, you can come with Amaya and I to see Fahrenheit 911 in a couple weeks. :7

[Exultant Democracy]

10. Tell me when and where,

there is no way I will miss that.

[SarahB]

11. I'll keep you posted.

She and I talked about going, but no definite date yet. Probably a Saturday. If you're interested, I'll let you know. :)

[Exultant Democracy]

19. Ok, thanks.

Where in CT ?

[SarahB]

25. Probably Hartford.

:D

[Dogmudgeon]

3. Hey, you've got MY blues!

My life is a complete mess. My health sucks, I was ruined (I mean, ruined) when the software industry went belly-up, I don't have any real-life friends, I never married, I don't date, and I'm at home taking care of my mother, who is in declining health, and my grandmother, who may be dying.

I'm not miserable. I should be beside myself with grief, but I'm not.

I can't say I'm happy-go-lucky or even happy, but I'm not miserable.

All my life, I was prone to depression, then the bottom dropped out. And I'm virtually depression-proof. I mean, WTF?

It's gotta be something in those chemtrails. It's just gotta.

--bkl

[Exultant Democracy]

6. Hum,

must be some type of "conservation of happiness" going on.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. You should teach coping classes

you'd be an instant millionaire..and thanks for taking care of your family...the job that does NOT pay six figures but allows you to look in the mirror in the morning and see a hero staring back at you.

[alittlelark]

14. Are you in the Bay Area?

those chemtrails here are REALLY increasing.

[DEMVET-USMC]

15. Doggone bareknockled, what can I say ?Through somewhat different routes

Though in many ways the parallels are there we have arrived at a similar place in life emotionally. I wish us both well in all regards. ...Oscar

[Don_G]

4. Maybe You're Not Doing What You Want To Do

However, you have discovered an unsuspected talent in yourself that you might want to develop and merge with your long-term goals.

A little disipline, a little fun and you just might buy out Satan to corner the market on Evil like Bill Gates has.

[Exultant Democracy]

20. The unsuspected talent is part of the problem

what business did it have lurking around hidden I can't help thinking, if I could do this in two months where would I be is I had started years ago.

[Miss Authoritiva]

5. I don't know why (well, actually, I do), but the 20s are hellacious.

There's always so much going on and most of it is intense. It's a hell of a ride. All you can do is keep the safety bar down and in the locked position, and keep your hands and arms inside the car.

[DEMVET-USMC]

8. No, this is not an unusual reaction to heretofore unexpected success ! !

My friend, my friend, get a grasp on yourself. Being successful is a very hard thing to achieve. It is new to you, please do not throw it away. You can learn to live with it over time, it just takes getting used to. You learned to adopt to failure and this is why you are having a hard time feeling comfortable with success. Please do not self-destruct. What ever bad feelings you have about being successful will pass. Get used to being a winner and be a happy man. ...Oscar

[Exultant Democracy]

16. I guess I'll just have to get used to it

I don't really want to go back to what I was, but I do remember it wistfully. While I am at work I am fine and I admit making a huge sale is a bigger rush then any drug can give, but the drive home is long and lonely and that is when I start feeling down.

[alittlelark]

13. I started doing voice work again after 10 + years away from the field

I am now RAKING IT IN........and have never felt so unfulfilled.
People say I have a 'dream job' - but I enjoyed working more when I was bartending at a neighborhood bar during college (almost 20 years ago).

I can relate - on many levels...
But that doesn't mean it makes sense.

[amerikat]

17. come over here

(Tom Waits and Kathleen Brennan)
Well the moon is broken
And the sky is cracked
Come on up to the house
The only things that you can see
Is all that you lack
Come on up to the house

All your cryin don't do no good
Come on up to the house
Come down off the cross
We can use the wood
Come on up to the house

Come on up to the house
Come on up to the house
The world is not my home
I'm just a passin thru
Come on up to the house

There's no light in the tunnel
No irons in the fire
Come on up to the house
And your singin lead soprano
In a junkman's choir
You gotta come on up to the house

Does life seem nasty, brutish and short
Come on up to the house
The seas are stormy
And you can't find no port
Come on up to the house
There's nothin in the world

(Chorus)
there's nothin in the world
that you can do
you gotta come on up to the house
and you been whipped by the forces
that are inside you
come on up to the house
well you're high on top
of your mountain of woe
come on up to the house
well you know you should surrender
but you can't let go
you gotta come on up to the house
(Chorus)



tracks


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[specimenfred1984]

24. Don't live for work, live for the fun stuff

No matter how successful you are, somebody else is always better so making a wad of money is only a comparison to others incomes. Your needs are yours regardless of what others think of you.

I've got really simple things that make me happy like some little sports leagues I'm in, playing dinky music and yes, the corniest of all, a great wife. I realized a long time ago I'd never be a Donald Trump.

You know who you are, just be that person. And, maybe you have depression. If you do, take some anti-depressant and get on with being happy.

[mrboba1]

26. Its because you are

probably not living to your ideals somehow. I'm not going to say what those are or should be, because deep inside you they are there.

If you can figure out what the principles you want to live by are, then you can be more satisfied with your life.

There is much more to it than that, but it is a good start - you want to be grounded in uncomprimisable principles.

[mede8er]

27. I grok that......

Use your present job as a stepping stone to get to where you need to be. I could not face a lifetime of employment that didn't incorporate community service of some form........