Provide your own punchline to this joke.

[arbusto_baboso]

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

I know there's already a similar one going around about how many Bush Administration officials it takes, but I want some original ideas from you DUers.

[Squeech]

1. A true Conservative

would never presume to *change* anything. If tallow candles were good enough for the Founding Fathers, they're good enough for you.

[freetobegay]

2. None!

They've had the electricity turned off!

[RUSTY SHACKLEFORD]

3. About half a dozen.

One hires the immigrant day-worker to actually do the work, and the rest stand around and blame the inflated cost of electricity on the "Librals".

[bif]

4. One--to turn the no bid contract over to Haliburton

n/t

[NashVegas]

5. At Least Eight

1 to change the bulb

1 to call his stock broker and get a buy on manufacturer before you change the bulb.

1 to call his broker for a 'sell' after the deed is done.

1 to call the local utility and make sure it's not Enron having a little joke

1 to outsource the lightbulb production jobs to China

1 to meet with the board of directors and tell them how the GOP agenda is going to help their corporate agenda.

1 to lobby for a tax break for the manufacturer.

1 to tell everyone in the room it's their own fault for not being able to see in the dark.

[Commendatori]

6. All of them.

One changes the bulb, the rest of them listen to Rush Limbaugh to find out what to think about it.

[chelsea0011]

7. All of them. They all want screw it to us.

[mac56]

8. Two. One to call the electrician, and one to mix the martinis.

- or -

None. If Congress would just leave the lightbulb alone, it would change itself.

- or -

Just one: to steal a lightbulb from the Social Security Administration.

[Sabriel]

9. Two...

One to test the lightbulb to see how much it knows and one to give it a voucher to a better fixture that's not "under-performing."

No bulb left behind

[CO Liberal]

10. Two - One to Change it, and One to Hold The Chandelier Steady

:-)

[No2W2004]

11. 100

One to put the new one in

99 to blame Clinton for the old one going out

[Q3JR4]

12. All of them.

1 planner to decide they can use the issue of the light bulb as a wedge issue if only...

10 to convince Jerry Falwell to announce that the light bulb is homosexual and therefore must be condemned.

1 to assure all Republican constituents of Mr. Falwell's qualifications.

227 members in the house to pass a resolution condemning gay light bulbs.

51 members in the senate to pass the same resolution.

1 to sign the resolution..even though he hasn't read it and that gay light bulb has always done it's work the same as any other light bulb while paying the same amount of taxes and getting less benefits but thinks it's necessary to condemn those gay light bulbs anyway.

2 moderates to resign from the supreme court so that the anti-gay light bulb resolution is upheld in court

(everyone else) to run--or help someone else run--on a platform condemning gay light bulbs in an attempt to use it as a wedge issue to garner more votes for whomever they are attempting to get elected.

and

1 janitor (who hasn't had health insurance for four years, who is the only person working in his household, who is a vet who got his benefits cut because he makes too much money, who is working his last day because his employer plans to outsource his job to a janitor from India who will work for 30% less, who has to pay for the light bulb because the government wants to eliminate government waste while simultaneously throwing huge amounts of money at an organization that was at one time controlled by the second in command of the white house) to actually change it.

Can't expect the Republicans to actually WORK can you?

[bbernardini]

13. And then the penguin says...

..."that's no bookshelf...that's a fire extinguisher!"

[sus]

14. purple!!

BWAHAHAHAAA!!! oh man i crack myself UP.

:silly:

[scottcsmith]

15. They will not change the lightbulb

But they will try to pass a constitutional amendment preventing the lightbulb from being used with certain kinds of lamps.

[UrbScotty]

16. Millions, of course

One to show that there's a connection to Saddam

Another to lobby for the bulb to get a tax break

An Army to shoot down the old light bulb

A few dozen to dodge the draft when the war turns into a quagmire

Another to cut veterans' benefits to those who have fought in that type of war

Another to use it as an excuse to infringe on our civil liberties

Another to raise the terror alert level from yellow to orange to red to white (that’s right, a new color)

Another to use it as an excuse to lobby big oil into drilling more of our parks

Another to set it on fire and say, “burn, baby, burn”

Another to blame it on Clinton on his supposedly popular radio show while also blaming our 42nd President for his divorce

Twenty million a week to listen to him

…and a Democrat to actually change the bulb

[GiovanniC]

17. Eight

One person from the Pentagon to write a memo saying it's okay to torture the light bulb.

One person from the Department of Justice to permit the use of unmuzzled dogs and stress positions on the light bulb.

One conservative to berate the light bulb for "not working" and living off the system.

One conservative to claim that there are credible ties between the bulb not working and Saddam Hussein's regime.

One conservative to claim that the fact that the light bulb burned out shows the evil nature of light bulbs.

One conservative to give a no-bid contract to Halliburton to purchase a new light bulb for $7.2 billion.

One Halliburton official to buy a four-pack of light bulbs for $150.

One Halliburton official to subcontract the light bulb changing process to another company for $5 million.

[Insider]

18. zero. they refuse to see the light.