Update on BIG disagreement with wife

[tcfrogs]

She went to stay with her parents (who live five hours away) for a while, took the dog too.

She left yesterday, my birthday and our anniversary.

Thanks to all for the thoughtful responses on the original thread.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=1285936&mesg_id=1285936

We've been having problems anyway. And this disagreement wasn't the reason for her leaving.

Just thought I should give a little update.

[truthspeaker]

1. BUMMER. But I knew that one disagreement couldn't be the only problem

It was such a petty thing for her to get upset about, I knew there had to be more going on.

[nini]

2. sorry for this...

hopefully everything will work out for what's best in the long run.

hurts though and for that I'm sorry :hug:

[latebloomer]

3. I'm so sorry, that really sucks

And on your birthday and anniversary, yet!!

Please, take my advice and make an appointment with a marriage counselor. If you get a good therapist you can really turn things around--you both need to be able to air your grievances in a safe setting and learn how to communicate and negotiate so you can really hear one another.

[tcfrogs]

4. We have been going off & on for two years

To a marriage counselor, that is.

She's a very stubborn woman. Part of why I love her, of course. But also part of why we've had our troubles.

And, b-day, anniversary is just a day. You can celebrate those things whenever you want, IMHO.

[Insider]

5. best wishes, man

take good care of yourself. have a good dinner. stay close to friends and family. we'll do the movie thread later if you wanna join in.

:grouphug:...........:donut:

[tcfrogs]

6. Thank you!

DU has been a good outlet for me, and I so appreciate it.

[Beaverhausen]

7. Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue"

I may get flamed for this but his book has helped me a lot in my current situation. You may want to check it out.

:hug:

[tcfrogs]

8. Get Real!

She likes Dr. Phil, so maybe...

[wryter2000]

9. Everyone's given you good advice

So, I'll just add that you should plan to do things for yourself that she wouldn't enjoy. Watch some movies/TV she wouldn't like. Have some food she wouldn't like. At least, you can get something out of the separation.

[papau]

10. took the dog! A wife that likes DOGS! - This one deserves a little effort

at keeping. Dog loving ladies are to be treasured!

As I recall our problem times (we've been married approaching 50 years), I seem to recall that the best way to calm things down was say I was sorry, I was wrong, forgive me, I'll try harder -

and then I would actually try harder.

But for the record I was not wrong - I just hated the idea of ending things with her more than I minded the ego cost of begging.
and I need my dog too -

Perhaps I am just a wimp and wuss - I'd be pulling a blanket over my head about now -

Good Luck - but an internet board is not where you should be right now - indeed a councilor/minister is a great idea - and being with other folk so you do not get wiped out depressed are my suggestions.

Again good luck.

[tcfrogs]

11. A kick, for those who didn't see my thanks this afternoon

Thanks to all who gave their comments.

[tcfrogs]

12. A complete self-serving KICK