I had a weird bit of closure regarding my husband's death today

[flamingyouth]

Most of you know, this past week my life was like I had taken the brown acid. So, today I had to go out to the cemetery to arrange for a place to put his ashes. Now, he was a total and complete atheist and didn't want any of this bullshit the grieving families have shoved at them - like "God cares about you and weeps for you." Well, I'm sorry, but I don't really give a flying fuck about God or if he's thinking about me. If he exists, AFAIK, he's a twisted asshole, but I digress.

Anyway, there was a pretty cool spot in my price range. I felt a little bad, like it was kind of the cheap seats in the cemetery, but it was nice, lots of trees around, as well as a park bench. So I signed off on it all and started to drive home.

I had just gotten on the freeway when I decided to turn on the radio, and it was one of the rock stations here. This guy called up and said, "I've had a hard week, I need you to play something that will start my weekend off right." And the DJ plays "Highway to Hell," which was one of my husband's favorite songs (and it is one of mine - I mean, it's just a great song). I had wondered all week why I had not dreamed of him, why I couldn't feel his presence at all. It was quite upsetting, to be honest. Anyway, thanks to that guy for calling up KISW and requesting AC/DC. Frankly, it's always great to hear AC/DC, but did I ever need it today.

I'm currently working on a playlist for the public memorial we're holding for him on July 9. So far, I know we have to play something off "Kick Out The Jams" by the MC5 and that fucked-up 3rd volume of Pebbles with "I'm Five Years Ahead of My Time" on it - you know, the volume where all the bands were on acid. Well, maybe you don't know. Anyway, thanks for listening to me rant. You all rock.:headbang:

[SheepyMcSheepster]

1. sorry to hear about your loss

your husband sounded like a cool guy. I wish you the best.

[flamingyouth]

11. Thanks a lot

He was who he was and we shall all survive.:hug:

[CharlesGroce]

2. consider playing

"The Big Ship" by Brian Eno, on the album "Another Green World", when my dad died the song just made me celebrate life. It's all instrumental, you'll hear the good of it if you buy it. Private Message me if you're interested in it.

Sorry to hear of your loss. But you know that the only way to celebrate the death of a loved one is to live!

[flamingyouth]

12. He really loved early Roxy Music with Eno

I'll have to dig out that stuff - thanks for the reminder! :hug:

[havocmom]

3. Hey girl, take the messages when ever they come.

As to not being able to feel him for a bit, give him some time. Maybe it takes a while to learn the ropes of his new situation.

He is OK

You will be OK.

And we all hope you know we care enough for you that you can rant anytime you need to. 's OK. We're all here to catch each other.

Strength and peace to you.
havocmom

[flamingyouth]

13. Thanks a lot

What a nice thing to say. Very comforting.:hug:

[cosmokramer]

4. Play it loud and proud...

...make it the service he would want, and do what eases your pain the most.

So sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

14. Right on

:headbang:

[CharlesGroce]

5. you have to move on

now. No waiting, no guilt, your new life should start now. Good luck.

[flamingyouth]

15. Thanks

I'm working on that new life. It's weird and scary but I'm ready to take a stab at it.:hug:

[greatauntoftriplets]

6. Ah, Lisa....

I have thought so often about the hard times you are going through. Happy you had a good moment.

[flamingyouth]

16. Thanks, Shelia

You're a sweetheart:loveya:

[madrchsod]

7. strange days

little surreal full of odd little things,sights and sounds,glimpse of shadows..are they real..opps having a flash back reading about acid bands..yes life is strange. i hope you guys have a nice public thing for him.."play this record LOUD"

[flamingyouth]

17. LOL - I was thinking the same thing

I just hope those amps go to 11 on July 9, that's all I can say.:evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

8. Wow... that's really cool...

So often in life something comes to you in the strangest way that helps you reconcile things. A wonderful story, and thanks for sharing it. :hug:

As for the price range bit... given his atheism (and I'm right with you there on god giving a flying fuck)... it's more than what you needed to do. It's a wonderful thing that you did... and I'm sure he would totally be with you on it (well, actually you probably went overboard in his mind) :) .

:pals:

[flamingyouth]

18. Thank you

:loveya:

[Pale Blue Dot]

9. These little bits of karma are a blessing.

I'm happy that you got a little closure.

And I'm partial to "Back in Black". :-)

[flamingyouth]

19. Oh, "Hell's Bells" will definitely be on there

No doubt about it!:loveya:

[CanuckAmok]

10. Gotta get some Iggy in there, FY!

Nobody wakes the dead like the Stooges. "Shake Appeal" would be my pick!

[flamingyouth]

20. "Gimme Danger" is one of my faves

Actually, "Raw Power" is one of the best albums ever, IMO. Freaking anything on that could be played, I'd be as happy as I could be given the circumstances.:D

[sybylla]

21. How wonderful for you

It's easy to get so wrapped up in the surreal motions of life after a death. I'm glad you had an opportunity to remember your husband as he was.

My thoughts are with you. My family experienced a suicide 10 years ago so I understand some of what you are going through. I wish you well on this new road you now travel on.

[proud patriot]

22. The first concert where I saw people outside telling me to repent

was at an AC DC concert ...Ah the memories ..

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

23. I think a lot of people feel that way..

you know, the wondering "why the hell can't I feel this person/ why don't I dream of him/her" etc... we hear so much about how others grieve (or maybe how we're supposed to think others grieve) and it's just, for me at least, very oddly alienating. Like, you know there's a hole in your life, so where are the feelings? There's sadness, or anger, or bewilderment, especially if you lose someone unexpectedly, but I used to feel like a shit when I wasn't just overwhelmed at my grandmother's death in the immediate aftermath (different from a husband but she was just a wonderful woman) and then I saw, one day, as I was rummaging through some boxes a little bead bell she made (she used to make lots of them) and I just had this overpowering feeling of her. Doesn't happen with her photograph (or not many of them) but it does with some of her things, esp. the things she made.

Anyway, it does happen, more often than not, I think, just as it happened to you... something out of the blue pops at you and you say "oh yes, there you are". And I don't think that ever stops happening.

[m-jean03]

24. Hi Lisa -- Thanks again for

sharing with us. Everything you've posted recently is so heartbreaking. And I never really know what to say.

I sincerely hope you continue to find closure and peace in your life.

[Maestro]

25. Once again I am sorry for your loss

and you, your husband and I, it would seem, share the same taste in music. If you want, have a listen to the "The Show Must Go On" by Queen. Great song and even more poignant once you consider Freddie Mercury sung that song as he was dying of AIDS. It might be appropriate for you.