All right! Time to say something to infuriate the righties!

[JackDragna]

I've noticed how Free Republic/various lunatic right-wingers like to quote (or misquote) DU to score points with their slovenly friends/listeners/people with an IQ under 20. In this spirit, I'm asking people to write the most outrageous screeds of invective so as to satisfy the right's desire to point the finger. I'll start to show you how it works.

"I think all NRA members, Baptists and puppies should be thrown into pools of battery acid and lit on fire."

The author of the most over-the-top post gets some candy. BEGIN!

[booley]

1. Ok, Lets ban SAME RACE MARRIAGE

Thats right! we should pass an ammendment banning same race marriage!

After all, if marriage is about procration, then mixed race children are going to be geneticly healthier ( less likly to get dangerouse reccessives), are more culturaly diverse, it will end racism and WHY SHOULD STRAIGHT PEOPLE of the same race have SPECIAL RIGHTS! I sure as hell don't get to marry who I want. why should they?

Oh, this is fun, I'll have to come back with more stuff to say. Do I get a prize if they use my post?

[JackDragna]

2. YES! YOU'LL GET PRIZES!

Everyone will get prizes! Go! Make this post long!

[Race4Peace]

44. what kind of prize?

If we win, do we get to choose our prize?

[neebob]

32. No, let's ban all marriages

Marriage isn't really very much fun for most people, so let's abolish it - redefine a family as any group of two or more people living together, stop raising our kids to believe they must eventually pair off with a member of the opposite sex, and force all the divorce lawyers to find some other way to make a living. As of tomorrow, no one is married and society is no longer crumbling.

[dolo amber]

33. "One should always be in love....

That is why one should never marry." -- Oscar Wilde

;)

[izzie]

3. Under God off all money

That hits in two of the three subjects they like most. How could I get sex into that? God, money and sex. Come on you brains, you can think of one that gets all three.

[booley]

27. Better yet. have UNDER GOD on all money

and all monuments and public buildings and government contracts.

One Nation Under ATHENA!!

I didn't say which God we should be under!

I am always amazed how quickly fundies agree with sep of church and state when it's OTHER religions!

[SmileyBoy]

4. I think we're all homosexuals deep down inside.

YEAH, YOU HEARD ME!!!:grr:

:D

[Mike Niendorff]

5. Absolutely

Mandatory gay marriage for everyone.

:evilgrin:


MDN

[izzie]

6. but only if they marry in a church where it cost money.

-------

[neebob]

42. Me, too!

and I think school children who tease their classmates about being gay or are heard referring to homosexuals or homosexuality in a derogatory manner should be sent home and not allowed to return to school until they have completed a federally accredited sensitivity program taught by certified homosexuals and paid for by their parents. And it should cost at least $1,000, and part of the proceeds should be used to fund therapy and gender-reassignment surgery for GLBT students, without parental consent.

[testing123]

7. I heard that when Reagan was cremated his body exploded and blew a hole

Through the side of the funeral home because his body had been fermenting in alcohol for so many years due to his drinking problems.

[teach1st]

8. I blame America first....

...even for my dirty house.

I hug trees and embrace situational ethics. I am against the death penalty except for those who pray in public.

I think Americans should be forced by law to wear Birkenstocks and drink French wine.

[Name removed]

9. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Trajan]

12. This is posted in DU Lounge, which is where humor threads are poste ..

If you dont like humor, then get out of the lounge ....

[no_hypocrisy]

10. We support the right of gay polygamists to marry & spawn 40 children.

[murielm99]

11. French Lesbian Aethestic Communists for Kerry!

eom

[m-jean03]

46. Bonjour, comrade!!

:D

[Maccagirl]

13. Billary!

They're back and want to rule the world again!

[baldguy]

14. Ban money!

Make America an anarchic socialist state. Free sex, too! Anyone can fuck anybody else at any time.

(Let's see, neocons love money, hate sex ... what else - oh yea, religion, guns & foreigners.)

And let's bring the UN Army in to take our guns and teach us Islam!

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. Catholics should be given enough arms to take over the US

and form us into a theocracy with the Pope as president/high priest and while protestantism will remain legal, only Catholics in good standing will be allowed to vote.

And gay jewish men should be the only ones allowed to teach our children in the new public schools, which schools will henceforth have a strong focus on environmental ethics, nonviolent negotiation, the arts, and french cuisine.

[Blue Gardener]

16. Atheists should run the country

And no more swearing on the bible!

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. the average French person has more courage than a hundred blowhard freeps

put together

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. It's unconstitutional to swear-in the president with a Bible

we should use either Darwin or Sagan's "Cosmos" as the swearing in book.

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. "Creation Science" is not Biblical, Christian, or science

[bowens43]

20. The US military should be under the absolute control of the UN.

[Padraig18]

21. I think all kindegarten teachers should be homosexuals.

We must get the indoctrination into the 'homosexual lifestyle' started early on, because some children will require remedial 'special education' to break down their ridiculous heterosexual tendencies.

:P

[m-jean03]

26. I think ALL TEACHERS should be homosexuals

Just to provide balance for so many years of hetero indoctrination. :D

[booley]

35. gays should go door to door

just like jehovah's witnesses.

we need a recruitment drive to make that 10% into 100%!

[m-jean03]

70. I kind of prefer telemarketing

for recruitment. :D

[Rabrrrrrr]

22. Our "pResident" is not only a LIAR, but a WAR CRIMINAL

and should be tried in international court.

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. Astrology is Satanic! - but wait - Reagan ruled via astrology!!

It must be Christian!

[dbt]

24. FUCK REAGAN. Now more than ever.

Dig him up and FUCK him some MORE! (How'm I doin' so far?)

:evilgrin:
dbt

[Gildor Inglorion]

25. Stop rationing medical care by ability to pay!

Tax gasoline at $10.00 per gallon!
Register all firearms and publish a weekly list of all firearm sales!
Tax all religious activities except the actual church/temple/mosque!
Imprison and fine any heterosexual couple producing more than 2 children!

[booley]

28. Noam Chomsky on the ten doller bill

Micheal Moore on the $20!

The jeneane Garafolo Aiport in DC!

The US capital of FRANKEN!

And texas gets renamed the great state of MOLLY IVANS!

What can we re-name after Arriana?

[Radical Activist]

45. Noam Chomsky for Sec. of State!

Howard Zinn for Sec. of Defense

and some guy named "Free" for Interior Secretary.

[name not needed]

29. 9/11 Is Reagan's Fault

Its his fault that Osama bin Laden got trained by us. Its his fault Iraq and Iran have wmds. Blame Reagan.

[CO Liberal]

30. Rush Is Getting a Divorce So He Can Marry Matt Drudge

:-)

[CanuckAmok]

31. there should be a law stating that barrel length must match penis size.

.

[booley]

34. Oh, and lets give Reagan an old fasioned Christian funeral

By old fasioned and Christian, I mean we dig him up, decaptiate him turn the head upside down and dive spikes through his hands and feet just like church official used to do.

Just to make sure he doesn't rise again as one of the undead...

If Fundies want to go back to the middle ages, why not ?

[Pepperbelly]

36. Bill Clinton should replace Grant on the $50. nt

[baldguy]

80. That's a fantastic idea!

Let's start "The William Jefferson Clinton Project" to honor the Great Man to name something wonderful after him in every county in the country.

[booley]

37. We need to honour CLINTON MORE!!!

So everytime he gets a haircut, all airplanes no matter where in the country, must immediatly go into a holding pattern!

we should also canonize Hillery!

every house int he South must carry a flag with Bill Clinton's face on it! Guarded by a Black helicopter from the UN.

And can we make Barbera Streisand DICTAtOR FOR LIFE?

[brainshrub]

38. Washington DC's airport should be named:

Washington/Reagan/Clinton Airport.

[2Design]

39. Jesus is dead....find a new leader

[Race4Peace]

40. Republicans are the only people who should do stem cell research

OH! did I forget to blow the secret that Saddam, Osama, Hitler, and George are brothers?!?

LETS BAN SAME SPECIES MARRIGE!!!!!!!

The fucking dillholes in washington declared war on themselves today:nuke:, even though they all believe in making the house into a commune.

I don't know about you, but I believe that when Bush and Blair went on their honeymoon, they left their sanity in Iraq.

We should all bow down to the French wine CEO's bunghole.

The euro should replace the U.S. currency

Reagan and Charles should trade funeral services, even though Reagan's death was faked so that people would forget about the G-8. That or both were murdered by the government.

All students should actively take place in the Revolution to overthrow the B.O.E. and become free.COMRADES!ACTION!!!!

Bush shouldn't have been at the 2004 Daytona 500 because he arrived late and left early. True race fans come the day before the race,waitng for the gates to open, and wait for all post race cerimonies to finish

[NightTrain]

41. Forget the flag: BURN A BIBLE!

In fact, get 300 or 400 Bibles, douse 'em in kerosene, and have a big-ass bonfire!!! :bounce:

[m-jean03]

43. Good one! And then, REPLACE ALL BIBLES with the Book of Wicca!!

:bounce:

[m-jean03]

47. Or the Koran --

They could have a choice. :D

[Radical Activist]

48. I'm GLAD Clinton got a BJ from an Intern

Maybe Bush would be a better President if he started fooling around a little.

[m-jean03]

49. I think more presidents should smoke POT

Dude, it would like totally open their minds. :smoke:

[Radical Activist]

50. That's better than being drunk half the time like Bush!

[m-jean03]

53. Or high on cocaine, like he is the other half the time! n/t

[No2W2004]

51. Comrades!

Now is the time to seize the means of production, overthrow the estabilsment and lead the masses in revolution!! The freepers are the first against the wall!!!! Fawell's head on a stick!!!! Bush locked up with wild gorillas who want to make him their wife!!!!

Or sumptin like that.

:)

[Race4Peace]

52. REVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COMRADES! GATHER!!

[m-jean03]

54. Mandatory French lessons for everyone!!

:bounce:

[Race4Peace]

55. fuck the fucking dillholes in washington

bush is such a bitchy bastard that his ass ain't nothin' but a damn piece of fuckshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[terrya]

56. All right wing fundementalists should be lined up against a wall and shot.

And then their lifeless bodies should be dragged through the streets.

[proud patriot]

57. My handy dandy all purpose sigline n/t

[robertpaulsen]

58. BREAKING NEWS: BUSH, ASHE WED IN MASSACHUSETTS

Bush, in one fell swoop, makes gay marriage and bigamy legal.

[Donkeyboy75]

59. Steve Carlton and Sandy Koufax are the best pitchers ever.

[Dogmudgeon]

76. Steve Carlton is a MAJOR right-winger

All the way out there to Militia level right winger.

--bkl

[Donkeyboy75]

82. Really? I was joking, anyway, as they are both southpaws. Get it?

OK, not that funny. But I never knew Carlton was a freeper. I believe you, but do you have any links for me?

[EstimatedProphet]

60. All Republicans should be required to give blood daily

because of course, we Democrats drink it. Also, we should be allowed to eat Republican babies.

[brainshrub]

61. Hillary for President on 2008.

P.S. (I hope it doesn't happen since I'm not a fan.)

[Mikimouse]

62. Jesus and Judas made a cute couple...

n/t

[olddem43]

63. Reagan was murdered by Rush Limbaugh, just

to give Bush a boost in the polls.

[Spirochete]

64. Tax all the churches

and give the proceeds to the ACLU and Sierra Club.

[NightTrain]

65. Bill Clinton's "60 Minutes" interview was excellent!

Here's hoping his autobiography spends months and months on the NY Times Best Seller lists!

[m-jean03]

66. I'm a lesbian. Anyone else want to be one?

I'm accepting applications. :D

[Champ]

68. I sent mine just because...

Though I don't qualify x(

[m-jean03]

69. That's OK, you can work our phone lines

Here at Recruitment Central. :D

[LTR]

75. I like girls

But I'm a guy.

Does that make me a lesbian too? :P

[murielm99]

87. Thanks, but

I already have a toaster.

[NightTrain]

67. Conservative Republicans eat their first-born. I have proof.

I'm thinking about getting that one put onto a bumper sticker! :evilgrin:

[Bluzmann57]

71. Bill Clinton...

Emperor for life! And when he dies, the mantle gets passed on to that young guy who spoke at the Wellstone memorial. Sorry, can't remember his name right now. But then, if I hadn't had mine for so long, I wouldn't remember it either. Free beer for all!

[LTR]

72. House Speaker Ted Kennedy

Blood pressure up up UP!!!

[LTR]

73. NASCAR sucks!

Heh heh!

[LTR]

74. Charlton Heston: Would you trust an old man in a diaper with a gun?

Stop me please!

[Dogmudgeon]

77. In the Key of C

Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya
Oh, Lord, Kumbaya!

--bkl
They really hate songs about God, don't they?

[SarahB]

78. Motherhood alone will not bring fullfillment....

to a woman with more than half a brain.

[Ksec]

79. Its time to Impeach Bush for his war crimes.

[AbbeyRoad]

81. American students should watch porn in Sex Education courses...

right before the teacher passes out the condoms.

[Djinn]

83. Many of us are REALLY glad

we're not Americans and have no desire to move to the States.

[Ksec]

84. THe Bushs have been secret members of the KKK and they

have a chapter in Crawford that has one of the largest memberships in the US.

[Digger]

85. This just in:

All NASCAR drivers now must be gay black French Jews.

Hillary Clinton is to become president of the NRA.

All American history courses in public and private schools to be written by Howard Zinn.

The image of Paul Wellstone to be added to Mt. Rushmore.

All Christian crosses on all churches to be replaced with the peace symbol.

Jesse Jackson to replace Rush Limbaugh...



... and now back to your regular programing.

[SarahB]

86. Church is boring. I'd rather read the Sunday paper in my jammies.