My brother is very sick with an organ failing disease

[demnan]

It hasn't been diagnosed yet, but our assumption is sirrois of the liver as my brother has been working on drinking himself to death for some time. He is 49 years old - two years older than me. He has abandoned three beautiful daughters and two marriages and has nothing as he sleeps in my mother's house (she's 82) and has been getting his drinking money from conning people into paying him for work contract labor that he will never provide.

He lies on his matress now with a huge belly and is miserable. Can't pee or shit - can't eat and has no health insurance. My other brother will drive him to the doctor in the morning but the doctor already told him he needed a preacher as the doctor could do no more. We noticed last weekend that his legs were swollen and mentioned that he go to the doctor. Now he's so sick he can't hardly get out of bed.

This was supposed to be a happy day for me. I finally got the keys to my own home for the first time. But it wasn't happy. I brought my mother down to see the place for the first time. The other family were still moving out, you know how that is!

But we were both very worried about my brother and that put a damper on this, a huge day of joy in my life. "Well that's life", my mother said.

Well she said she lives for me getting this condo and my poor mother needs strength and I think she needs me living closer to her now, so I'm so glad I settled about 7 miles away from her so I could be close.

Glad I could vent - Nancy

[CharlesGroce]

1. that's terrible...

it does sound like liver trouble, and the doctors could do more, if they didn't insist on extravagent payment which results in each of them driving a $50,000 mercedes. Get another opinion. Take him to the ER. And then when they say it's too late, take him to another ER.

Good for you on the house, but there are more pressing issues at hand, it sounds like.

[demnan]

3. Yeah, if I can offer my assistance I will

but we're dealing with a 400 pound raving alcoholic with no health insurance at the moment so I'm not sure how much I can do. I'm not sure it isn't too late.

It's difficult for destitute chronic alcoholics to get any medical treatment.

[Timefortruth]

4. Or take him to the ER and leave him.

Go home, say he is their problem. That is the only way they won't this your problem.

Tell your brother why you must do this first, and that it would help a lot if he couldn't remember his name, or yours, when he gets there.

[demnan]

10. You know, that was exactly my advice

on this matter that will be a family decision. As harsh as it sounds, when you are desititute the hospitals usually have to take you in. I'm not sure. Years back, my Mom and I took my brother to an alcholic treatment center that no longer exists because of state cutbacks. This is Virginia which is an unforgiving state.

So I'm going to research what are our options on getting him some treatment. Not that it will prolong his life that much. My mother would never let him go into an institution to die. That's how mothers are.

[Cheswick2.0]

2. Nancy, so sorry to hear about your brother

addiction is a horrible desease. I don't know why some people can beat it and some can't. I hope you and you mother can find some peace.
I hope you get a chance to talk to your brother about the good times and make him feel that his life was not all for nothing. It's a gift you can give him that you will not regret.

[demnan]

6. Thanks, Cheswick

I have - his youngest daughter just graduated high school. She is a beautiful loving girl whom he abandoned after the second marriage fell apart. This girl is so like my brother before the horrible disease of alcoholism took over. So sweet and dear, there's no way you couldn't love her. I've insisted on being a big part of her life and tried to get my brother to connect with her some how.

Now I face the horrible task of telling her about her father's latest illness, with whom she has no contact. I just saw this beautiful girl graduate high school with her hopes and dreams about studying mechanics and stuff and her boyfriend, and now this. So it is so sad on so many levels.

[greatauntoftriplets]

5. Nancy, I am so sorry to hear this.

It can't be easy for you or your mother. Best of luck. Enjoy your new home.

Sheila

[demnan]

7. Thank you Sheila

When things go wrong it's really nice to have people you can talk to. :-)

[Mikimouse]

8. I'm sorry to hear about your brother...

and equally sorry to hear about the effect that his disease has had on you and family. Alcoholism is definitely not a 'victimless' process as many would argue, and it is devastating all around. I have know people in the past that have had shunts implanted to drain the ascitic fluid from their abdomens, and the procedure has made their lives bearable, but I don't know how long they are effective. I am so sorry that the disease appears to be winning this round. I wll keep my thoughts going to you and to your brother as well.

[Flaxbee]

9. the father of my sister's best friend suffered the same way...

he also was incredibly bloated and couldn't eat or drink anything but beer, couldn't get out of his lounger chair and honestly, I don't know how it ended but there was not a lot that could be done for him as he'd pretty much destroyed his body. I am so sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like you have some perspective, and it's terrific you're staying in touch with his kids. They'll need someone they can talk to about their father.

Good wishes to you and your family. It sounds like a tough time ahead.

[Bluebear]

11. Nancy it's in the air....my doggy died

My life is a country song right now, too. My dog died unexpectedly within the month and my mother in law had a terrible accident...when it rains it pours. All I can say is don't deny yourself the happiness over your first home. I am studying the "power of now" kind of thinking and trying to enjoy moments present rather than what I can't fix at the moment. All the best to you.

[kikiek]

12. Could be his liver or his heart.

Heavy drinking is also hard on your heart. The swollen abdomen could be ascites from liver problems though. He needs some tests run to find out. Even if it is beyond treatment he deserves to be kept comfortable with whatever medical procedure will ease his distress. I would call an ambulance or take him to the county ER where they have to treat him.

[kikiek]

15. PS to say there isn't anymore they can do is bullshit.

There are drugs to reduce the extra fluid building up in his body, and certainly a catheter could be placed to help him urinate. If his disease isn't curable and he is terminal he can be put on Hospice with comfort measures only. Get a new doctor.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. Sure sounds like kidney and liver failure

I'm so sorry..sorry that he never stopped to consider the cost to himself and everyone around him..but thank God your mother has you..because even if he's the biggest disappointment in the world, her heart is going to break the day he dies.

[demnan]

That is so true

and my heart will too. I'm glad I chose to move closer to her (from 30 miles to 7 miles away). I just have to make myself useful in whatever way I can.

[GreenPartyVoter]

14. So sorry. *hugs*

[BigBigBear]

16. My wife went through this

I PM'ed you. I can detail what happened to my wife, and the medical issues behind it if you like. If not, you have my warmest good wishes and prayers anyway.

[demnan]

17. Thanks, I PM'ed you back

I appreciate any insights you can give. Thanks with all my heart, Nancy

[peacebuzzard]

18. I am sorry, angel. Has he ever applied for disability from social

security? Of course anything that happens now needs to be initiated by an able bodied person. That is so much to place on you, you sound so caring. I am sorry for your situation. Please take care of yourself, first and foremost.

[demnan]

19. Thanks, that is one of the options I'm pushing for

It takes a lot of forms filled out and we're talking about a guy who abandoned his child support payments for a long time. So he could end up in jail (ironically) if he has any assets as a result of disability benefits.

[Lindsey]

20. My heart goes out to you, your brother, your mom, his kids

and eveyone involved. I am a recovering alcoholic/addict and have had friends and family in the same condition. I've seen addiction ruin SO many lives - those of the addict and those of the friends and family -my God, what BigBigBear just went through was absolutely heartbreaking. My best friend finally had to leave his life partner because the partner wouldn't quit drinking and my best friend was so devastated..I mean it was tragic. The wrong questions and consequently the wrong answers keep coming up concerning addiction. We need to have a real shift in our entire thinking regarding this situation. One of my favorite lines ever in a movie is in "The Lost Weekend" w/Ray Milland (a really old movie)..."I don't drink because of what I am, I drink because of what I'm not, what I could have become but didn't."...that's just the tip of the iceberg. Anyhow, I'm so sorry.

On another note - HEY - A HUGH CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW PLACE. THAT IS TRULY AWESOME. YOU DID WHAT IT TOOK TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF AND HOPEFULLY YOU ARE PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!