My Mother Will Cause Me to have a Nervous Breakdown

[La Lioness Priyanka]

In her words "your alternative lifestyle is making you FAT and DIRTY"

:puke:

[tcfrogs]

1. UGH!

Sorry - best wishes!

[sniffa]

2. dirty

i can see dirty, but fat? pffft!!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. i just moved into a new apt

things were unpacked etc...hence dirty..

[sniffa]

11. oh

i was thinking more in Lines of, "you're a dirty, dirty girL".

:P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. i wish!

that i can handle :)

[sniffa]

16. exceLLant

then you're a dirty, dirty girL . :P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. and you are a dirty dirty boy

:P

[sniffa]

23. nice

you just got a whoLe Lot sexier. :P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. you are aLways sexy sniffa

:P

[sniffa]

29. amazing

that made me bLush.. but the dirty, dirty boy comment didn't :P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. bit silly too!

:silly:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

3. Pull intellect back on top

Her prejudiced are making her see reality with tinted glasses. You're not fat or dirty. She's wrong. Period.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. thank-you

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

40. May I make a suggestion?

If she's speaking by phone, change your number. If it's e-mail, abandon the account and create another. Or better yet, flag everything coming from her as spam.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

41. she came over

and no i cant cut off my relationship with her, its important to me...no matter how annoying/aggravating/bigoted she is

[Cheswick2.0]

4. wow, thanks Mom

Isn't it great when mothers can be so supportive?

She is just projecting her own insecurity. In her mind you are a reflection of her and she doesn't understand what she sees.

[WillParkinson]

5. Thanks for pointing that out, Mom...

And your stupidity is making you downright ugly.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. thats what i said

[MissMillie]

6. Respond to her by saying something nice

If you respond to her statement with one that is as equally rude as hers, she will merely add "disrespectful" to her list of complaints.

You know she's wrong, but you're not likely to convince her, so just be nice. If nothing else you can be proud that you didn't stoop to her level.

[LynneSin]

8. Tell your mom that your girlfriend loves you fat & dirty

:bounce:

My mother drove me nuts too, which is why I live 2 hours away from her. THe greatest thing that ever happened in my life is my mother got remarried and a stepdaughter that did all those girly things my mother would bug me to do (get married & have kids).

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. i am girly....

i love clothes and shoes and colors...just not the same ones my mother likes...

[GOPisEvil]

10. "Thank you, mother, a ray of sunshine as always."

Say that, and drip some sarcasm...

[luaneryder]

12. I had a mother like that

All she ever had for me was criticism and I never heard the words I love you come from her lips once in 49 years. Turns out that when she was sick and dying I was the only one of four children to help her out. I was the only one actually at her side when she was on her deathbed two years ago and even then when I reached to hold her hand she pulled away. Go figure. Please know there are other who have walked and are walking the path you're on. Hang in there and honor your own self.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

14. You are a winner, luaneryder

And welcome to DU. :hi:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

15. I always wonder why parents have conditions on love...

When their children never asked to be born. Parents should love their children no matter if they're doctors, lawyers, crackdealers or homeless, Straight or gay, fat or skinny. I'm sorry, Luane, that is the memory you were left with of your mom. :hug: My mom's not much different. She once told me that if I cut my hair a way she didn't like that I was not allowed back in her house. So, I can relate. At least you now know what not to do as a parent.
Duckie

[luaneryder]

21. Oh, I lived thru it, but I want lionesspriyanka

to know that it is possible to do so. My mother's treatment of me made me sure to treat my own children differently. Not a day goes by that I don't tell my 31 year old daughter that I love her, am proud of her. And I really don't even think of my mother much. When I mourn it is for my son who died five years ago and for my best-in-the-world father.

lionesspriyanka: your mother does not define you, sweetheart. You are are own unique, beautiful self and if your mother doesn't see that it is her loss.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. sorry about your loss

and thank-you again.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. welcome to DU

and thanks for the support :hug:

[Hoping4Change]

24. Emotional coldness and endless criticism are defenses that

end up destroying the happiness of the person having them and those around them. The walls become so thick they get totally cut off from their own feelings and the feelings of others. What a profoundly sad experience to have with your Mom in her last hours. My heart goes out to you.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

17. She's wrong.

Priyanka, you're beautiful, funny, and intelligent. Why do parents do this to their children? Sure you're a lesbian. It's not like you're asking your mother to watch. Is she upset you're not going to give her grandchildren or something? Is she upset that you might make her look different back home? I'm sorry your mother is like that, but so's mine. I'd hate to find out what my mom would do if I were a lesbian. These traditional ideas are outdated, and these people need to get over the whole gay thing. It's normal now. There's nothing wrong with it. I know more gay couples who have been together and who are making it than I know non divorced straight couples. UGH. This bigotry makes me INSANE. Good luck, Priyanka. And just know that she probably doesn't really mean what she says. She's probaby just in pain. She's wrong. Because you're none of those things.
Duckie

[freetobegay]

25. Your still the apple in my eye lionesspriyanka.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. thanks love

you are a sweetie

[TX-RAT]

28. I've seen your pictures

With all due respect to your mother.
I completely disagree.

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. You are neither, as far as I am concerned.

In fact, you're pretty cool.

Parents can be such bastards sometimes.

Best wishes to you!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. thanks rabrrrr

[m-jean03]

35. oops

posted wrong place

[fudge stripe cookays]

34. Ugh! Sorry Pri!

I have one of those nervous breakdown-causing mothers as well. And like Lynne, I have to live 200 miles away from mine as well.

With mine, it's control issues. Money money money. When I finally broke free of her, she was so furious she couldn't control me with money anymore, she blew up.

Amazing how much freedom being removed from a parent's will can give you. In fact, I demanded being taken off because I was so sick of her crap.

We have a much better relationship because of it.

Your mother is wrong. You're a lovely lady! :-)

FSC

[La Lioness Priyanka]

37. you are so sweet

thank-you

[m-jean03]

36. Oh, for Pete's sakes!!

That's so totally ridiculous! She's just being hysterical. I'm sorry, I do hope you don't let it get to you. I always tell myself these kind of things just make me a tougher person. There's nothing else to do, but make yourself tougher -- i.e., this is one more thing you will be immune to after this. :pals: You're so cool and pretty.

[Samurai_Writer]

38. *hugs*

Lioness, I've seen your photo and read your posts, you are a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful young woman. Don't let your mother's insecurities get to you. Her bigotry is HER problem that SHE will need to deal with, not yours.

[SarahB]

39. I hate my mother.

There I said it. Call me terrible. My mother is the coldest human being on the planet. I spent years trying to be this perfect person and living this perfect little life in a sense to please her, but you what? Some people just can never be pleased regardless. Anything good that has happened in my life, she says I don't deserve. Anything bad is my fault. Four years ago, I went through some therapy just to deal with letting go of all this. I set some boundaries with her and that made me a bad guy :eyes:, so she rarely speaks to me. That's fine, I no longer needed her snide remarks anyway. It hurts a little, but I no longer beat a dead horse expecting a relationship she isn't capable of. I'm trying to live life according to my own needs (balanced with that of my own children's needs) and not her expectations based on her own unresolved dreams.

I don't talk about this much, but it's hard sometimes not having any supportive female relatives in my life. As a mother, I will support my children in whoever they are, whatever their dreams, and love them unconditionally. I don't understand how a mother who loves their child and do otherwise.

I hope somehow you both can work this out. She needs to understand your life is who you are, not who she is, and as a mother needs to love you and accept you for exactly who that person is.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. my mother is an expert on guilt trips

yesterday she even managed to piss off my step dad, who ended up saying that "You really should appreciate you daughter a lot more"

[radwriter0555]

43. I had a parentectomy 11 years ago, and it was the best thing I've ever

done.

It took my mother 10 years to finally stop bothering me. I haven't heard from her since xmas which is a relief. She's a persistent bugger, that's for sure.

[SarahB]

44. I understand.

My mom would show up at my house between 8 and 9pm on holidays unannounced (and that's bedtime for little people around here). I had to finally say "please call first" which was apparently quite mean of me. I think you get to a point though where you are more able to realize, "It's you, not me." It took me all of my 20's, but once I was better able to let that go, I was better able to deal with other issues in my life I had neglected. :)

[Gom Jabbar]

45. Tell her your 'alternative lifestyle' is her fault

and then stand back, because her head will explode.

:)

Kidding. I'm sorry she said that. Total crap.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

46. my stepdad basically said that to her

he said its in her genes and thats not her fault. if its a choice she made then you raised her, so its still not her fault.

[m-jean03]

47. BTW lioness

In my post I didn't mean to say that YOUR reaction was ridiculous, only her statement. Just wanted to clarify. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. ohh i know.....

thanks

[niceperson]

49. I'm sorry your mother is being so mean to you

However, it doesn't sound like she's coming from a very rational place. She's saying those things not to communicate, but to lash out. Try and realize that they have no real meaning, not even to her.

[MadHound]

50. Ignore your mother LS

She is obviously trying to guilt trip you about your sexual preference. Perhaps she feels threatened, or guilty, or wants grandkids and wonders where there going to come from. Talk with her rationally sometime when there is no pressure and see what is pressing her buttons.

But whatever you do, don't buy into her BS that you are fat and dirty. I've seen your pics, and you are a beautiful, full figured woman, whom if I was twenty years younger and unmarried, I would be panting over like a dog.

This is just your mom trying to get under your skin, cause for some reason you've gotten under hers. Parents aren't perfect and do this all the time. Talking it out, laying it all on the line, and time will hopefully heal this breach. If I can make up with my father(who came after me with a shotgun-twice-) you can work it out with your mom.