WI DUers: Notes on the feeding and care of my grandmother

[Padraig18]

Alert Level: Orange

My 90 year-old Gran's annual trek to her cabin on Round Lake, near Waupaca, will be underway in approximately 30 minutes; she will be accompanied by my 86 year-old great-aunt. It is only fair for those of you who have not encountered her to be aware of the following:

1.) If you see a mint-condition, blue 1976 Caddilac Sedan de Ville bearing Illinois license plates barreling down the middle of a highway near you, PLEASE pull over; the middle of the road DOES belong to her (or so she thinks);

2.) She insists on swimming twice a day, no matter the weather or water temperature, so if you are in the vicinity of the lake, please look at all beach areas with one eye closed, as gravity, time and giving birth to 14 children have taken a rather heavy toll on her physique;

3.) Should you have the pleasure of serving her in a restaurant, rest assured you will be tipped well (generally 25%); however, do NOT ask her "Would you like another beer?" when you see her glass empty--- assume that she does. She will advise you when she does not;

4.) Do not become unduly alarmed should she open her purse and you glimpse an extremely large Browning handgun (yes, it's loaded); she has taken firearms-safety classes and has a CCW permit from the Sheriff's Office, and Gran has only threatened to use it 4 times in my lifetime (the police said that at least three times were clearly justified);

5.) Do not attempt to cheat her monetarily; Microsoft would not have an advertizing budget large enough to offset the badmouthing she will give your business.

If you follow these rules, your encounter with Gran should be a nice one; ignore them at your peril.

:P

[Dying Eagle]

1. LOL

I'm in Appleton, WI, in my house am i safe?

[Padraig18]

2. Possibly

She doesn't like to drive long distances. ;)

[supernova]

3. HAHAHAHAHA!

She sounds like a pistol! :D

[Padraig18]

5. She's a 'live wire', to say the least.

:D

[Nikia]

4. We were going to go camping near Waupace

We'll keep a look out.

[Padraig18]

7. She may stop, if she sees you.

She always worries about campers and has been known to invite them to her place, should it turn cold, or the weather get rough.

:)

[prolesunited]

6. I don't know which made me smile more

Your Gran or your description of her. She sounds like a real treasure. Hope she has a great time.

[Padraig18]

8. Indeed she is!

But I did feel that a fair warning was in order.

;)

[SoCalDem]

11. My Great-Aunt quit driving at 90 ....after her FIRST ticket

She was speeding...95 miles an hour on I-70, going to her daughter's farm..

She was so embarrassed, that she gave her 1966 Impala to her grandson..that very day..:)

[MuseRider]

9. Well now,

this goes a long way to explaining your spunkiness my friend. I hope to be just like your Gram in 40 years. I love older ladies like this, they are a national treasure even if a little bit of a hazard. You are so funny.

[Padraig18]

10. Aye, I'm a cheek out of Gran's arse!

She's a dear old soul!

:D

[m-jean03]

12. Wow!

That's great, Padraig. She sounds amazing. BTW, I really think you should try getting some of your stuff published if you haven't already. :loveya:

[Padraig18]

15. Thanks, darlin'!

I've had bits and pieces published locally, but only one piece picked up by the AP. I'll keep trying, though. :)

[m-jean03]

16. That's impressive - the AP

What was that piece about? :hi:

[Padraig18]

17. It was about the growth of the methampheatmine problem in the Midwest

:)

[m-jean03]

18. Congratulations

It feels great to get published. :-)

[PopSixSquish]

13. Did I Read that Right...14 Children?

That's not a typo? Bless her heart and the rest of her too.

Based on your description, I love this woman! And I think you're pretty special too Padraig18.

[Padraig18]

14. Yes, 14.

I'm one of 14 myself, and thank you-- I think you're rather special, too!

:hug:

[latebloomer]

19. Your gran sounds like a pisser!

No disrespect intended. Great description!

[Padraig18]

20. She's very much a pisser!

'Character' and 'pistol' are other terms I've seen used to describe her. ;)

[HereSince1628]

21. Illinoisans trying to intimidate Cheeseheads with guns is old

but then so is your granny.

If she "makes the day" of some Wisconsin waitress you'll understand how things have changed around here...

What with globalization, stem cell research and Indian Gaming, we don't need gangster flatlanders like we used to. About all the mob families are good for now is owning the grocery chains.

[Padraig18]

23. 'Gangster flatlanders'? LOLOLOLOL!

I like that! :P

[SW FL Dem]

22. LOL Your Grandmother sounds a lot like mine

The women on my mom's side of that family have all been feisty and lived well into their 90s. One of my favorite stories was when my great grandmother was dying at 96, her older sister (98) flew cross country, took a cab from the airport to the the hospital. A nurse saw her in the hallway and tried to gently escort Aunt Pearl to her room. After several minutes of arguing that she wasn't a patient, Aunt Pearl hit the nurse with her purse and said "Goddammit take me to see my sister". Aunt Pearl died shortly after her 103rd birthday.

[Padraig18]

24. hehehe!

Maybe we're related, because your Aunt Pearl surely sounds like she could be one of Gran's sisters!

;)