I AM SO TIRED OF BEING SINGLE!!! WHAT DO I DO???

[battleknight24]

No matter what I seem to do, I have never had success with women. I'm not a super model, but I'm not bad looking. I like to think that I am an interesting person. I'm tired of being alone and I want to do something about it! I need advice!

BTW,

I am a 22 year old guy who lives in a small town of 1,700 people and I commute to school in a town 30-40 minutes away. This town has about 20,000 people and the school has about 5 or 6,000 students, a large number who are commuters.


Peace,

[HEyHEY]

1. I've got some advice

Fuck it

[battleknight24]

5. Fuck it???

... come on, I'm being serious here...

[HEyHEY]

24. As am I

There's this fucking pressure put on to all of us that we all need to be with someone. And it's bullshit. Live without it until you're taken.
There's no reason to spend your life chasing women.

[Capn Sunshine]

34. Take it from me, he's right

No one should get married, or have a serious relationship before age 30.

[radwriter0555]

59. Volunteer doing something that means a lot to you. Kids, sports,

handicapped, arts, music, entertainment, Animal shelters, children's hospitals, reading to the elderly, on political campaigns, in soup kitchens, homeless shelters, etc.

Then, you will find people with whom you have things in common with, and the person with whom you're compatible.

[JVS]

60. Amen!

[iconoclastic cat]

2. Start a band.

Worked for me!

[coloradodem2005]

3. I hear you there.

I have been told that I was cute by a number of women and yet, I don't have any luck with them. I have been told that I was smart and funny too. Of course, I have been told that I was nice too, and that may be my fatal flaw.

[battleknight24]

7. I'm the "nice guy" too...

... maybe I should be mean to girls... I know a lot of great girls dating total assholes...

[coloradodem2005]

12. I know.

It makes me sick.

[Lorien]

46. Here's the deal; women want to feel interesting

and beautiful, and smart..the fatal flaw made by most young men (hell, most single guys in general) is that they are so busy trying to be impressive that the woman feels like she's just another accessory for his ego, and that just about any woman would fit the bill. Women find men interesting who seem honestly interested in what they (the women) are into; their thoughts, their insights...and, of course, we all want to feel attractive (but alone that isn't enough for most women out there).

Gold diggers exist and must be avoided. If you want a real relationship, find a passion and pursue it. Women of substance find a man who is passionate about what he's doing in life sexy. It's not about money for many of us, it's about finding someone who lives life to the fullest, and brings out the best in us. The "bad boy" is just someone who, to the young and foolish, seems to be doing just that. A guy with a band is also doing just that, but he doesn't have to be an asshole in the process.

A sense of humor is always sexy, but find out what her sense of humor is first. Not all women go for sarcasm. And no one likes to be around a struggling comic; if it's not your thing, just be yourself and leave the funny to the born comedians.

Self confidence is also a draw, but arrogance will repel the vast majority of women. Watch that that line isn't crossed.

If you weigh 250 pounds, don't insist that your date look like Angelina Jolie. Be reasonable.

And finally; 57% of America is female, 43% male. !2% of men are gay, while only 2% of women are lesbians. There's no need to lose hope!

[Misunderestimator]

49. Um... 2%? Where'd that figure come from?

It's the lowest I've ever heard.

[Lorien]

67. NPR about three years ago

both numbers are probably low. I'm sure there's many out there who still won't answers such polls honestly.

No doubt about it, women outnumber men any way you look at it.

[gonefishing]

4. It will come give it time

It didn't happen till I was 40. Now I have two kids and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

[Gothic Sponge]

6. I feel your pain

I haven't been with a woman for the last 7 months. I'm not sure if i remember how to have sex! ;)

[battleknight24]

9. (Original poster here) I haven't been with a girl in months either...

... not to sound like a perv... but I'm 22 and my hormones are raging... (I'm only human...)

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

29. Ok this is what you do

nevermind! ;-)

[kodi]

8. mail order bride, she doesn't have to speak english does she?

you'd be surprised what you can find on the net

[battleknight24]

10. (Original Poster) QUESTION: Should I try internet personals...

... I've never done that before... I am THIS close to giving in...

[Xithras]

65. Don't expect much, but they're worth a look

I have one old college friend who met his wife through Match.Com, and another who's currently engaged to a woman he met a year ago via eHarmony. On the other hand, I know DOZENS of people who've tried the online dating scene and found it a waste of time, and a couple who found genuine psycho's via the services.

I'd suggest giving the services a try, if for no other reason than to assuage your curiosity and verify that you aren't "missing" someone you might otherwise click with. If you don't find anyone through those services within a few weeks, give it up...if anyone in your area is currently looking via those services, they'll either find your right away or they'll never find you.

Either way, don't stress it. You're still young, and have lots of time to meet people.

[philosophie_en_rose]

11. 1-900-GIRLFRIEND ???

Just kidding. :P

Actually, there are probably a lot of women who would love to go out with a guy like you. It's just a matter of how much risk and effort you want to put into it. I don't suggest being aggressive, but being present is the first step. Maybe you could try volunteering or joining the local young democrats.

[battleknight24]

14. (Original Poster) That brings up another question...

... How can I rejuvenate the College Democrats at my school... I am a transfer student who has only been here since January, but I am a Political Science Major... One of my profs told me the College Democrats organization is in shambles... should I take the initiative in starting them back up???


Peace,

[tigereye]

18. sounds good

women like guys with ideas and initiative. Well I do. Good luck in your quest. There are a lot of nice females out there who are looking to meet nice progressive men. At least that is what I am told. That's the kind of guy I married and I met him in college.

[philosophie_en_rose]

26. Three things: Free food, sex, and money.

The local democratic party can probably help you with some free items or food to bring to an event. Plan something easy like a movie afterhours in a classroom or dorm room. Play a movie that is sort of controversial and sexy. Advertise it as a fundraiser to raise money to protest higher tuition costs.

Or something.

Don't try too hard by yourself, but there are bound to be some people on campus who feel the same as you do.

[fudge stripe cookays]

58. Oh yeah!

This would be a way to get involved AND become attractive to progressive women through your inititative!

Guys who stand for something and are into activities they enjoy are irresistable to women. And I now know that politics can be quite an aphrodisiac.

When I was at the state convention last weekend, I was mentally kicking myself. Think of all the fun I could have had years ago before I knew how exciting all this was.

Either that, or try internet dating (a service, not a chat room). reprehensor and I met that way, and on July 15th, we will have been married for 4 happy years.

[SarahB]

13. I am so tired of being married!! What do I do???

Hence, an even bigger problem. :crazy:

I don't know what to say. Be open and sometimes things happen. I hope your ideal woman is out there awaiting you somewhere.

[Blue-Jay]

15. Just let it happen, BK.

I suppose you could try a personal, but you'll like it better when you get surprised by someone that you didn't even know you were looking for. Take it easy. Don't give off a desperate vibe.

Oh, and as another poster suggested, join a band.

[tigereye]

19. women love guys in bands

unfortunately not always the other way around.

[cally]

16. So why do you think you have no success?

My first response was that these type of posts make me crazy. I know so many single women (too old for you) that say the same thing. It's not an age thing but folks don't know how to connect. Who knows how I figured it out. I am in no way an expert but I listen to my daughters and their friends. It's just bs to say that women like sexist, abusive guys. They don't.

[battleknight24]

17. How do people connect??? I sure don't know how...

... okay, I know that women don't like sexist abusive guys... it just seems that way sometimes...

[tigereye]

21. talk, listen

be interested. I was reading somewhere that women also love men who actually listen to what they say! Go to movies and plays and lectures. Go hiking, biking - there is lots to do. Find people with common interests.

sorry don't mean to sound like an advice column...:)

[cally]

25. Look for the women who are not the center of attention

and just talk to them. Listen. That's the biggest turnon.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

30. Some suggestions

1. I echo what cally says about going after the women who are not the center of attention. A lot of college-age men (especially the ones with the raging hormones) gravitate toward the local equivalents of supermodels. The competition is intense, and for anyone, male or female, who is the object of fervent attention from the opposite sex, there is a danger of becoming spoiled.

You have already said that you are not a supermodel guy, and you're probably not rich, either, so forget the women who look like movie stars. Take another look at the women whom the other men pass up.

2. Don't act desperate. If you approach a woman with what I think of as the "whipped puppy look," she's going to think one of two things: "loser" or "potential stalker." Try to meet women in an environment where you are at ease and feel competent. It doesn't have to be a bar or a party.

3. Look at your own preferences honestly and see whether your "type" is really a fetish. By that I mean going only for blonds, or only for a certain kind of figure, or only for a certain ethnic group. None of these say anything about what the person is like, and even with the most powerful physical attraction, your ability to have a real relationship instead of a one-night stand will depend on the personalities invovled.

I've found that a lot of men do have fetishes: "I only like blonds. I'm a leg man. I only go for Asians." Who you like to look at and who you'll get along with are not necessarily the same thing. I think that part of maturing is realizing that you can consider a person of the opposite sex extremely scenic and know with certainty that a relationship between the two of you would be disastrous.

4. I tell this to every guy who poses questions like this, but if you have a platonic female friend, ask her opinion of how you come off in person, because another thing I've learned in my decades is that men have NO IDEA what women find attractive and vice versal.

For example, the guys who tell you to act like a bastard to attract women are right only if you want to attract insecure, screwed-up, neurotic women who may be physically attractive but will be very high maintenance.

But there's such a thing as being "too nice," in the sense of wishy-washy. I once had a blind date who was interesting to talk to but bugged the hell out of me because he would not assert himself at all, not even to the point of deciding what to order for dinner for himself or expressing an opinion.

So just calm down, go for the neglected women, and calm down. And then calm down.

[Race4Peace]

20. Do what I did.

stop looking at school. look at church.
but on the other hand, I'm 14, not 22.

[Angelus]

22. Quit whining and go out and ask out girls.

I'm not trying to sound like an asshole or anything. I'm just trying to motivate you. :)

Now...GET MOVIN! :D :)

[slackmaster]

23. Sorry to hear of your plight

I'm 46 and a divorced empty-nester. I was married for over 10 years and have had several other long-term relationships that were good while they lasted, and a bunch of short-term ones that were fun and worth the effort but didn't go anywhere in the long run. Right now I am happy to live alone. Getting into a relationship with the wrong person is much worse.

All I can tell you is that worrying about it won't help. The stress and panic will make you less attractive. Stay calm, don't let your ego get into a rut, and start taking phone numbers. Carry paper and pen with you everywhere and don't be afraid to start conversations with women.

22 is very young. I didn't get married until I was 30.

Seeking advice is good. At least you've acknowledged that being alone is an issue for you. You have already taken the first step. There are a lot of people here who know a whole lot more about interpersonal relationships than I do. Good luck.

[jukes]

27. MOVE

that pond's fished out.

and, stay or move: ASK. if you wait to get the invitation, you're going to get very tired-and chafed.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

28. You're 22 years old and tired of being single?

Dude come talk to my friends who are in their LATE thirties and tired of being single!!!

But good luck. I just wonder how you could be tired of being single at 22. Are you looking to get married in the next year or so?

Just relax, enjoy your life, let it happen....

[battleknight24]

32. (Original Poster) OKAY...OKAY... OKAY...

I'LL JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT...

I AM SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!


Peace,

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

33. Oh dude

ok listen, if you are cut, either get some lotion or spit on your hand. If you aren't, then no need for all that.

Now next, you....

oh nevermind, I'm sure you know the drill.

Well why didn't you say so? Sexual frustration happens to married people, too, did you know that?

Yeah. And it must be MORE frustrating to be sexually frustrated and be married!!!

(I have been married since I was a fetus and I am female.)

[battleknight24]

35. Yeah I know the drill all to well...

... I wanna give pleasure to someone else...

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

37. Aw so sweet!

But be selfish and just pleasure yourself!

[battleknight24]

38. I feel guilty... besides...

... it seems like everyone else out there is getting laid every night...

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

39. We aren't.

I promise.

ok I have to go have sex now.

KIDDING!

No I'm not!

Yes I am!

Hee hee.

[battleknight24]

40. Are you or are you not having sex right now...

... if someone is orally pleasuring you as you use the internet, that counts...

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

41. Actually my husband is asleep

in the other room.

I COULD wake him up. I am allowed to wake him up for that reason or the reasons of the house being on fire or someone breaking in.

But, eh.

See? Not everyone's doing it.

[battleknight24]

42. How often do married people do it anyhow?

?

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

43. As often as they want

...hard to say. Varies GREATLY.

[battleknight24]

44. How often do you and your husband do it...

...???

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

45. Leeeetle bit personal there

so I'll decline on that.

Don't worry, dude, you'll find some wonderful woman very soon and then look back on your single days and wish you did more road trips and puking on your friends!!!

[Lorien]

47. National average is 3 times a month

with three times a week being considered "very active".

Sad, eh?

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

56. I know some married people

who would consider three times a month a LOT of sex!!!

Not us, fortunately. We would consider that a famine.

[Xithras]

66. Slightly perverted suggestion

If it's really just sexual frustration and not a desire for a real relationship, you can always give a service like Adult Friend Finder a try (it's like a personals service for people who just want to get laid). I happen to know a couple who uses the service (not me!) and will warn you that you'll get all kinds of strange proposals, but if you're looking for sexual release without emotional tieups (but all the physical tieups you can handle...just don't forget the codeword), services like this can "serve a purpose", so to speak. Be prepared for kink, however (these services aren't for the timid).

I wonder if this post breaks the "No Sex Threads" rule...

[TheWizardOfMudd]

31. Marriage SUCKS. Buck up and be happy.

[Yupster]

36. Some advice

First, 22 is too young to worry. Enjoy your life. Once you get married and have kids your pressure will increase enormously.

Someone else advised meeting people at church. That's excellent advice.

Third - you won't meet people reading DU. Go to places where you can meet people.

Fourth - as you get older, your odds get better as there are many more single marryable women than men at age 30. So, every dau your odds are getting better.

Finally, recently there was an article of the worst pick-up lines ever. The winner was "well, I'm here. What were your other two wishes."

Good luck to you.

[NewJeffCT]

48. at 22 years old, nice guys finish last

You're too young to marry, so I hope you mean you want a steady girlfriend... But, at 22 years old, the one thing I can say is that (in general) nice guys finish last. Women/girls in the 18-22 year old range usually go for the bad boy type. (Yes, I know not all women that age go for that type, but it seems to be popular)

Despite being a decent looking guy - I've had several women independently say I look like a younger Richard Gere - I was told throughout my 20s that I was too nice, as in, "Jeff, you're a nice guy, but...you're too nice for me."

I ended up getting married to the first serious girlfriend I had and that was a disaster and we got quickly divorced.

However, now that I was in my early 30s and had a divorce on my record, I was no longer "too nice" and was damaged goods. But, I suddenly had more women that I knew what to do with, and all those 18-22 year olds that used to think I was too nice now seemed very interested. Heck, within a week of my ex officially filing for divorce, I had 3 or 4 dates.

[ArkDem]

50. Money is the greatest aphrodisiac. Tell women you are in medical

school.

[MissMillie]

51. Talk to me when you're 40

and still have the same problem.

22.... I wish I had stayed away from romantic relationships when I was 22.

Spend time w/ your friends doing the things you like to do. There will be plenty of time for relationships and commitment later.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

52. Whatever you do keep being yourself. I was forever the "best friend" guy

to women I adored.

Finally, after being with one asshole after another my fiance met me and found a man who treated her with love and tenderness (roughness when necessary of course ;) ) and really cared.

Most women, imo, don't realize that there are wonderful men out there - take heart, comrade, you will find somebody - if I did you sure as hell can!

- peace

CStheT

[NewJeffCT]

54. must be a CT thing...

I posted a similar response above about how throughout my 20s, I was the proverbial "nice guy that finished last"...

[zanana]

53. DON'T stop being a nice guy, but....

Don't be TOO nice. Sometimes it's good for people to have a bit of a challenge, y'know what I mean? Whether you believe it or not, act like it's a privilege to go out with you. There's nothing more tempting than somebody who's "hard to get".

[bikebloke]

55. Beware of desperation

It invites trouble. Adapt to being on your own. Until someone comes along, you'll be content. Getting involved with someone just because you're alone and they're available can grow miserable. Be patient. Personally, there are few american women that can pick my locks. European and Aussie women click with me so easily. And here I am stuck in the wrong part of the world.

Of personal ads, many web sites out there are crooked, stuffed with bogus and abandoned profiles as lure for your money. Nerve, OKCupid and Yahoo seem on the up and up. Bartcop has an advert for Democratic Singles that I looked at. It's new, so there are few folk there at the moment. Though right now I suspect I'm going through the motions of keeping an eye out for someone, rather than admit I'm satisfied as a hermit.

[Champ]

57. Trust me when I say this

Be patient. I went a over a whole freakin' year single and I kept trying a few girls that I knew for years trying to hook myself up. Then I met some random girl at 3:30 AM on Friday and already in one of the best relationships of my life. We've only known each other a few days but the connection we have.. it's like we've been going out for several months. The thing I realized I was trying to hard and if your patient, trust the RIGHT person will come around.

[sus]

61. you're only 22. what's your rush.

relationships are over rated.

[mede8er]

62. Go to.......

the RNC in New York........

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x1331250

[Maestro]

63. Just stop looking but get out and socialize

and have fun. People from both sexes, I would assume, are interested in
fun, happy people with a zest for life. As has been said, if you look desperate then people will see that and be turned off. If you are a nice guy, stick with it. Ultimately, assholes may seem to get more action but they never will enjoy a great relationship between two poeple. I've been with the same woman since 1990. Never strayed. That is not to say that we haven't had problems, but one day she just fell into my life at a party. Nuff said.

[testing123]

64. You don't want to be desperate

You will end up taking shit off of someone the rest of your life.

Been there done that!

[liberalhistorian]

68. I'm a never-married

39-year-old woman and I have some advice. First, you're really quite young to be worried about being married, etc. Enjoy your singlehood, there are MANY MANY advantages and perks involved.

Second, you can't depend on someone "making" you happy. Before you can have a successful marriage or even relationship, for that matter, you have to be secure and happy WITH yourself and being BY YOURSELF. If you're not happy and secure with yourself being single, then you're sure as hell NOT going to be happy and secure being married or in a relationship. It took me a long time to realize that, but when I did it was as if the chains came off, I was unshackled, and I was REALLY FREE for the first time in my life.

Free from the fear of being alone, from the fear of always being alone, from the stigma of singleness (and believe you me, there is a definite stigma to being single, especially for women and especially beginning in the mid-30's or so).

You MUST realize this and adopt it as your mantra: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINBLE. Repeat after me: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE. The ONLY thing wrong with being single is this bullshit cultural pressure society puts on people who are single, for whatever reason, and the stigma it creates for singleness, making people think they're not REALLY whole unless they're married. And THAT IS BULLSHIT!!!! Just because you're married doesn't mean you're happy and it's better to be single and miserable than stuck in a bad marriage.

That being said, I do know exactly where you're coming from, espcecially at my age and especially since most of my friends and family are all married by now and I'm the "odd woman out." It does, indeed, get lonely and overwhelming at times. But hang in there; you're very young and you've got plenty of time!!!! DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST TO KEEP FROM BEING ALONE! That is the absolute WORST reason to marry and one reason why the divorce rate is so high now.