FBI Warns Of Possible Terrorist Attacks In Movie Theaters

[stickdog]

http://www.thedailyfarce.com/politics.cfm?story=2004/06/politics_newfbiterroristwarning_06200400028

The FBI is warning the American people that a possible attack on movie theaters throughout the United States is very likely to happen either today or within the next few months leading up to the November 2nd Presidential election.

"We highly recommend that no one go watch any movie starting today up until Election Day." Stated President George Bush in a press conference, "We are doing this to protect the American people. Personally, I will not be going to the movie theater any time soon. We also need to warn that movies that deal with politics, the war in Iraq or myself are most at risk for an attack from Al-Qaeda. Again, I encourage every American to stay away from theaters and maybe go play some miniature golf or something like that."

The warning extends into video rental facilities. "We do not recommend that anyone go rent any movie either." Stated a White House official who wished to remain anonymous, "We think that any movies that may be released very soon, for example, Fahrenheit 9/11, may become a target of Al-Qaeda. So remember. Either stay home, or go play some miniature golf or something like that."

"There is credible intelligence from multiple sources." Stated Johnson Righwing, an FBI agent, "We have lots of 'chatter' that points to an attack on movie theaters, specifically, the ones that show any kind of politically motivated movie, such as, let's see, oh, I don't know, maybe Fahrenheit 9/11. So either stay home or go play some miniature golf or something like that."

[JaySherman]

1. Oh, Christ.

:eyes: They REALLY don't want us seeing F-911 don't they?

[Dookus]

2. check the source...

it's a joke. The OP should say so, though.

[JaySherman]

4. Right. Thanks.

Note to self to pay more attention and not just skim next time.

[Syrinx]

3. you had me going for a second

the headline sounded plausible.

[Bluebear]

5. Me too, was not a bit surprised as a matter of fact!

[Fitzovich]

6. Cute

[hlthe2b]

7. Given the seriousness of this....shouldn't you post satire in Lounge?

I know it is funny to say "I got ya," but really-- we already have ASSSKKKROFT doing this to us constantly. Do we really want to give fellow DUers a heart attack?

[AlFrankenFan]

8. And I haven't even seen F9/11 yet

Hell I ain't scared. Only way I know for sure a terrorist attack's gonna happen in my particular theater is if I run into Tom Ridge while getting popcorn.

[LiberalVoice]

9. Even if the article were real. It would still be a lie.

Why the fuck would terrorists attack a movie theatre showing anti-bush movies. It doesn't make any sense. If anyone was going to be bombing those theatres showin F 9/11 it owuld be right wing fundies.

[Aunt Anti-bush]

10. Even though this is a 'farce'

I wouldn't put it past them.

[SoCalDem]

11. I dare ya to post this at FR, and see how long it takes them to notice

that it's a joke..:)