I am a psychiatrist who gives free advice...ask me anything.

[sus]

go ahead. lie back and relax.

cognac?

[bowens43]

1. Are the American people out of their freaking minds?

[sus]

4. yes. but don't you worry your pretty little head about that.

now.. that'll be $100.

[bullimiami]

2. am i crazy?

or is it everyone else.

[sus]

3. yes, i'm afraid you are, dear.

in fact, you really are unfit to handle your financial affairs.

I will take care of that if you'll just sign a few forms.

here, take this pill. it makes you smaller!

[MsUnderstood]

5. My boss/friend/cousin is a narcissist

I know because I am always having to deal with "their issues" when mine are so much more important.

How do I tell them their lives are insignificant compared to mine?

[sus]

7. I think you'd do best to quote the words of Christ. Repeat after me:

"I am the center of the universe. 'nuff said. now bring daddy a drink."

[commander bunnypants]

6. why did I become and MSW?

I begining to ask that question?

DDQM

[sus]

8. dear, you are incoherent. have another drink.

now. what the hell is MSW? is that a shoe store? me likey shoes!

[commander bunnypants]

9. social worker

DDQM

[sus]

10. WHAT did you call me! I have a P.H. freaking D. sweetie!

[commander bunnypants]

11. no me a social worker

you psychologist

DDQM

[sus]

12. where am i? who are you and why are you wearing my shoes??

[commander bunnypants]

13. ???????

can I have your panty hose?


DDQM

[sus]

14. wellll..okay, but i don't think green is really your color.

[Guy_Montag]

15. I keep having these thoughts about my mother...

:crazy:

[sus]

21. well..i'm afraid you're going to have to kill her. you need closure.

[Guy_Montag]

23. Thank you,

I'm just off to get a spade & a couple of bin bags. I'll be back shortly.

[sus]

24. God Speed. Be sure to lift her wallet, too.

you owe some back payments.

[Guy_Montag]

25. I better take the bolt-cutters so I can get the rings off her

fingers too. It's easier to remove the fingers first & makes identifying the body harder.

[truthspeaker]

16. I smoke an ounce of weed a week and I'm still smarter than GW Bush.

What can I do to fit in better with the general population?

[sus]

18. smoke more weed, dude. (duh)

[LynneSin]

30. Dude you could give yourself a "Do-at-home" lobotomy

and you'd still be smarter than that boondocking village idiot in the white house

[Loonman]

17. So was Freud full of crap or what?

I think so.

[sus]

20. Freud frequently mixed plaids with floral patterns. YOU do the math...

[Beware the Beast Man]

19. I cannot keep my desk organized-

is it because I used to throw my crap around as a baby?

[sus]

22. yes. that and the fact that you fear the neat freak drag queen that lives

inside of you...

surrender the fantasy, dear. BE YOU. it's okay.

[TrogL]

26. My big stressors have gone away - why still panic attacks?

[sus]

38. What I would like to suggest is some

intense stressor therapy. I will come live with you for about a week and show you what stress REALLY is. once I leave, you will be overcome with relief and large amounts of alcohol and your panic attacks will evaporate!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

27. I have a Spanish accent pronouncing the S's that won't go away.

Does that mean I secretly want to have sex with a platypus in drag?

[sus]

40. oh please, honey. who DOESN'T want to have sex with a platypus in drag

what it REALLY means is that you are illiterate. you need to work on that. you're in Amurikkka now.

[Beer Snob-50]

28. IF you have a split personality

are you never alone on a friday night?

[sus]

42. yes, you are. why, you ask?

because two boring personalities don't make a bird with two stones.

[Beer Snob-50]

53. wow

now i am suicidal on top of it all.

[Corgigal]

29. I think my pets

and plotting against me. How could they bite the hand that feeds them?

[sus]

43. well, first they open their ungrateful little jaws and clamp their razor-

like teeth around your fleshy digits. you get the picture. didn't you take calculus??

Here's a pamphlet on how to get your GED.

[Bertha Venation]

31. why oh why oh why oh why oh why did i ever leave ohio?

;)

[sus]

45. Because that bad man finally let you out of his basement.

let's talk about that. tell me how it felt to be trapped in a dark, dank dungeon for dozens of years.

[Bertha Venation]

55. dank

that's all you're gettin' outta me, copper

I mean, doctor

[sus]

56. I would pursue this line of questioning, but you live just a little too

close to me.

:)

[Bertha Venation]

58. heh heh heh

:hi: neighbor

[Bertha Venation]

59. by the way, I think that's an old song (why oh why etc)

[kitkatrose]

32. Why the hell do guys bother me

when I'm trying to do something, like WORK, or when I look crappy, but when I want to be bothered and I look hot, they stare at me from afar?

[truthspeaker]

33. because when you look hot they're intimidated by you

[kitkatrose]

34. That's what my mother says.

:D

[truthspeaker]

35. I'm a guy speaking from experience.

I assume hot-looking women won't give me the time of day.


I'm almost always right, but I keep trying.

[kitkatrose]

36. Oh, keep trying.

I'm nice, and if I'm not doing anything, I'll talk to you. At least, I'll smile, cause that's common courtesy. :)

[sus]

37. hey you two! get a room! this is an office!

:)

[GOPisEvil]

39. Are you channeling your inner Lynne?

[kitkatrose]

41. Last time I checked an office is a room.

:P And it has a couch. :evilgrin:

[sus]

44. your deviant Vulcan logic has not place here. this "room" is about

deception, enabling, and extortion. in other words, it's about ME and my inability to stick to that damned south beach diet.

[kitkatrose]

47. Awwww... poor baby.

Just think about it this way. If you eat healthier, you'll live longer and can spend more time on DU. :) See? All better.

[sus]

48. oh. so you're saying i'm fat now. NICE. (sob)

[kitkatrose]

50. You're not fat...

You're just big-boned. :P j/k We all want you to be around for a long time. You make the lounge loads more fun.

[sus]

51. i'm afraid we're out of time. i'm too emotional.

are you going to finish your donut?

[kitkatrose]

52. Nope. Here ya go.

:donut: I even give ya coffee. Good luck on the dieting, though.

[Zolok]

46. Why am I such a flop with chicks?

Ah've been dis way since nineteen eighty six...
:)
I mean they just don't dig me....

[sus]

49. try referring to them as "ho's" ....they dig that.

[m-jean03]

54. I like wearing my shorts without undies

Does my over-fondness for fresh air mean anything to you? :shrug:

[sus]

57. no. but then i'm not a lesbian.

ha! but i kid...