Uh-kay. Let's play 'Pitch the Band', the A+R game.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

Simple enough, I hope. You're a harried burned-out A+R man in the fourteenth hour of a coke-fuelled marathon meeting/orgy with your jerk boss on the 48th floor of a tower block in LA. Your jerk-off boss wants some fresh, malleable talent to shill to the rubes. You have one sentence in which to pitch the band. One sentence to encapsulate their entire sound and appeal. The rest of us have to guess. Go!

'Well, uh, they're like, the Beatles with an orchestra gone disco'

'Well, they're like Nirvana, devoid of any originality with a pretty
boy sexually-ambiguous singer, and get this, they're English!'

'They're like the Faces, except twenty years too late, and get this, they're really, like, high!'

'Fat balding man yells in Spanish, cool bassist, doomed to watch less talented bands steal their thunder'

'Two schoolgirls, they don't do anything, can't sing well, but they might be gay'.

[jpgray]

1. First one is ELO, last one is that crappy Russian group

[Screaming Lord Byron]

2. Yup.

[GOPisEvil]

3. Ugh

Oops

[Screaming Lord Byron]

5. Do they like to wear the same two colours pretty much exclusively?

[GOPisEvil]

9. Sorry 'bout that. I was just making shit up...

...I didn't read all the way through. I'm worthless and weak. I deserve abuse. :-)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

11. Ach, the game's whatever you make it. Feel free to make shit up.

It sounded like The White Stripes to me.

[Magrittes Pipe]

4. Imagine what the Buzzcocks would've sounded like...

...if Pete Shelley had been hit in the head a couple dozen times with a ball-peen hammer.


Oh, wait -- that describes half the music out there today.

[vi5]

6. Hmmmm....

Is the Nirvana one Silverchair? Probably not but it was my closest guess.
I recognize the last one is T.A.T.U.

The rest intrigue me but I have no idea who they are.

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. Four is, of course, the Pixies.

#3 screams "Black Crowes" to me.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

8. Yep. Both counts.

[vi5]

10. I was going to guess Black Crowes...

But I didn't think anyone even remembered who that band was.

[BigMcLargehuge]

12. Okay... they are like... hmmm... take The Monkees, right, and breed them

with GWAR and throw in a little Christian Rock goodness like Amy Grant... See where I'm going with this? SNOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRT... Mkay, right... Monkees, Gwar, Grant... Now for ethnic flair lets pull in Flavor Flav, he needs a gig and has been begging for a deal for a couple of years now... Yeah Boy!!!! SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT...

We can cobble these guys together out of the B-list talent pool and put them up against similar supergroups like Velvelt Revolver... You know? Half Stone Temple Pearl Jam and half Axl Rose's backup band... Right? THey are hitting it hard right now... and we can do the same thing. I had Jordan Knight on the phone just last week... littler fucker wanted to borrow money... but he used to be big with the preteen set... We can have his for points. He won't even have to sing... we can keep him around just for Flavor Flav to beat on...

Okay, okay, okay... SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRT... Um.... woo... snifffle sniffle... Okay, right, so we need an angle... Something we can use to tag their music as instantly recognizable... How's this! "Hard hitting urban rap with a streak of rustic folk and gangsta style... No no... that's been done... How about Gangsta Nu Metal Boy Band Chic!

SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRT!!!!

Oh fuck yeah... yeah man that's it!!!!

I can't feel my legs...

On edit: I didn't understand the directions... At least I hope the post made you laugh.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

33. Actually, that is genius. That's like method posting.

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. number 2 is Bush

[Screaming Lord Byron]

15. Well done.

[BigMcLargehuge]

21. and allow me to add - they suck

My wife tortured me with them for a couple of years.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

26. Agreed wholeheartedly.

[vi5]

50. Bush?

Sexually Ambiguous lead singer? Am I missing something. I thought Kurt Cobain was much more sexually ambiguous than that Bush dude was.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

Ah. I have heard some rumours. I can say no more.

Nudge, nudge.

[SiouxJ]

14. Don't have a line for your game

just wanted to tell you you have excellent taste in sig lines today. Waterboys fan from way back here. It was quite a nice surprise seeing that cover this morning. I actually painted that on the back of a jacket I used to wear, lol. Unfortunately I was only lucky enough to see them live one time. It was an awesome show though.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

17. Mike Scott is a genius songwriter (mostly)

Put a great band behind him, and it's a real experience.

[SiouxJ]

42. True, I bought his solo album

and hated it. He needs the band behind him. I thought Fisherman's Blues was a nice balance of folk and rock, but he went overboard on the solo thing and I hated it.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

53. Bring 'em all in? Yeah.

This is the Sea is the first peak, Fisherman's Blues is good, Room to Roam less so, then it's a drop-off until the return to form of Still Burning and the genuinely great My Love is My Rock....

[SiouxJ]

120. I actually really liked

this one too.



Church Not Made With Hands is the highlight. But yeah, it was really sort of the warmup to 'Sea'.

"Oooooh, Isn't that a pretty sun, setting in a pretty sky? . . ."

[Screaming Lord Byron]

145. A Pagan Place is great.

It's kind of a joint-peak with This Is The Sea.

[Magrittes Pipe]

19. Oh, he's never heard any of the albums in his sig lines.

He just puts them up there so we will think he's cool. ;)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

30. Feh. I had the feeling you wouldn't like today's disc.

I bet Koolzip wouldn't.

[Magrittes Pipe]

34. I like the Waterboys.

Koolzip is a Deadhead, thereby rendering his artistic tastes highly suspect.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

43. Cool. Koolzip would also be unappreciative of the tunefulness.

[RandomKoolzip]

131. No, I like the Waterboys.....

"Girl Called Johnny" is a great tune.

I just don't like how Mike Scott allowed any (and I mean ANY) two-bit filmmaker use "Fisherman's Blues" (his best song) in their damn movie. I've seen it used in about 12 different shitty movies in the last five years.

I also think "We Will Not Be Lovers" is a good song.


Oh, and Mandy Moore covered "Whole of the Moon."

[Magrittes Pipe]

133. I've seen you here more in the past week...

...than in the past 3 months.

Did you get shitcanned or something? :shrug:

[RandomKoolzip]

136. No, my wife's working on some reality TV show being filmed

in Chicago; she's gone most of the day and often has to stay on set overnight.

And it's so scret she can't even tell ME the name of the goddamn show.

In a week, it'll be over and I'll be back to being totally p****ywhipped.

[Magrittes Pipe]

137. Is it actually going to air?

I tend to avoid the reality shows (I HATE reality! I yearn every day to ESCAPE reality), but I'll watch if the missus is on.

[RandomKoolzip]

140. She's not ON the show, she's one of the "story producers."

It'll air in November on one of the "big three."

I hate TV. (Maybe that rant about the evil of TV yesterday had something to do with me missing my wife, but maybe it didn't.)

[Magrittes Pipe]

141. Ah.

That's too bad. I was hoping to say "hey, I know her."

Then again, I hate those fuckers on "reality shows," and I like your wife. So I would be having an existential crisis, of sorts.

At least this means I don't have to watch it! :bounce:

[RandomKoolzip]

144. Think of how *I* feel!

I WANT to be proud of my wife and commisserate with her in her achievements; however doing that might entail having to watch a reality TV show. I'm allergic to reality TV! The vomiting, the hives.....I'll do it just to prove I love her, but she'll have to pay for my ER visits.

[Magrittes Pipe]

148. You can turn the sound down...

...and listen to Serge while watching TV. :evilgrin:

[RandomKoolzip]

151. Or I could douse myself in Kerosene and make pizza pies.

Wipe teddy bears across my face and call myself "Dan."

Eat mascara and staple my testicles to the curtains!

The options are limitless.

[Magrittes Pipe]

152. That could be your first video.

Because I know you only joined a band with the hope of being on TV.

[RandomKoolzip]

153. There's no surer ticket to fame than joining a "shitty Jam clone" band....

At least that's what my grandma always told me....

[Magrittes Pipe]

154. Wow, cool.

The most useful thing my grandma ever told me was "if you ever want to get a woman, you gots to learn to eat pussy."

[RandomKoolzip]

157. Wow! We had the same grandma!

Did she have a collection of zippos and a scar in the middle of her right buttock?

[Magrittes Pipe]

164. Come on, Koolzip. You just described EVERYBODY's grandma.

At least, those of us from Southwestern Ohio.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

160. I was wondering the same thing

[Screaming Lord Byron]

135. Well. 'Whole of the Moon' is one of his worst songs.

But you knew I'd say that, right.

I knew you'd show up if we invoked your name three times. :headbang:

[RandomKoolzip]

138. "Mekka lekka hi, mekka Koolzip ho...."

I love "Whole of the Moon."

I suppose I should be happy that it wasn't Thalia who covered it.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

139. Still, it's not as weird as PJ Proby covering 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'

[RandomKoolzip]

142. Or Ani DiFranco covering "Mambo no. 5."

Which never happened.

Sometimes I wish Ani DiFranco never happened herself.

[Magrittes Pipe]

143. Yes, it would have been better if the whole DeFranco family...

...had stayed together.

It's a lovebeat.

[RandomKoolzip]

146. It was such a scandal when little Tony got a sex change....

grew his dreads, dated both men and women and started a little indie label to distribute his horrible records.....

[Screaming Lord Byron]

147. God yeah, I'll never get why people love the caterwauling.

[RandomKoolzip]

149. Almost proves the RW insinuation that liberals are masochists.

"If they can listen to Ani DiFranco and ENJOY it, they must dig pain! Damn liberal deviants...."

[Screaming Lord Byron]

150. Yep. I still suspect she's an elaborate hoax.

[RandomKoolzip]

155. Has anyone checked to see if she's actually carbon-based?

She might be a Cato Institute-funded hologram.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

156. Yes. She may well be a tobacco-based life form.

[RandomKoolzip]

158. I think she's made of orgone.

But that's just me.

[SiouxJ]

162. Oh yeah

now I remember why I never thought you were cool before. ;-) Now that I have been reminded, I DO believe the Waterboys thing was in fact an accident ;-) . You really should listen to it sometime ;-) .

"your love feels, like trumpets sound" God what a great album!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

163. NOOOO!!!!! Come back!!!!!!!

(as long as you don't bring the caterwauling) ;)

[SiouxJ]

165. It's not like I listen to her all the time

I like quite a few of her songs and I appreciate her independent spirit. I love her stabs at Shrub too. I've never seen her live but I have seen her family ;-) I was like 8 and they played at Disneyland. I guess it could be considered my first concert :-) . It wasn't like I went because of them though, we just happened to be there at the same time. Really.

heartbeat, it's a lovebeat
And a lovebeat is a good vibration

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

161. YOU SIR SHOULD BE SLAIN - you are afraid of women artists who don't fit

your male model of music

I am only somewhat kidding

I find your dismissal of Ani and Tori unbecoming

[Magrittes Pipe]

166. What is a "male model of music?"

Gerardo?

No, dear CStheT -- I cannot speak for our Scottish friend, nor for our hippy friend. But I can speak for myself.

I like good music, whether performed by men OR women. I believe that Ms. DiFranco is a gimmick artist. "Oooh, she is an outspoken woman." BFD, so is Chrissy Hynde -- and she's good. Mia Zapata was an outspoken woman, and she was a genius. What unites Hynde and Zapata, but excludes DiFranco, is that their identidy as artists is about more than their femaleness. Their gender, ther sex, it's all secondary.

The music is what matters.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

167. It does bother me that any criticism of DiFranco ends up with the sexism

angle. That's unfortunate.
I, of course, grew up on Patti Smith, PJ Harvey, Joni Mitchell, Kate Bush and Chrissie Hynde. In fact, literally.

[Magrittes Pipe]

168. Oh, yeah.

And Patti Smith is TWICE the grrrl-power role model Ani is!

[Magrittes Pipe]

169. Oh... and while I admire your iclusion of Kate Bush...

...who has a wonderful voice and has written some lovely songs....


"Wuthering Heights" is one of the greatest crimes against music ever committed to tape.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

171. China Drum did a great punk version of it.

And that's the only reference those obscure Geordie punks will get this year.

[SiouxJ]

173. Ok, now you're bringing on the heavy ammunition

Ani's good, but she's no Patti, Joni, Kate or Chrissy.



Ok, so it wasn't a mistake after all.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

175. OK. Don't worry, it's just a little music-war.

It is fun to see how crazed we can get over whether one person likes an artist or another doesn't.

And that brings us to Byron's final thought of the show. When parents fight, everyone loses. We should all be passionate about what we love, but ultimately we all have to live with each other.

(sorry, I think I was possessed by Jerry Springer, there :o)

[Magrittes Pipe]

176. If we can't all live together, we will all die together.

Okay. :shrug:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

177. Sounds good to me

Kool aid anyone?

[Magrittes Pipe]

179. I've got on my Nikes and my track suit.

Now when's that comet gonna get here?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

181. snip snip

Arghhhhhh!!!!

[SiouxJ]

180. I indulged in the old DU music wars

years ago when I first joined, but generally now I try not to let myself get sucked in so as not to spend the whole day going at it here ;-) . There are still certain people I will defend to the end though (Ani ain't one of them!). Chrissy yes! But then again, Goddesses are worth defending. Luckily I have found out over time that most of DU seems to agree. Oh, there's the rare poster who will say something asinine like she can't sing, but in general, people here seem to recognize her greatness.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

182. She's for real. What else do people need?

[Magrittes Pipe]

183. She looks like Keith Richards, but is STILL impossibly sexy!

That's her TALENT does that! :bounce:

[SiouxJ]

184. She's incredibly sexy on stage

takes command of it like no woman I've ever seen. Three of the best shows I've ever seen were Pretenders shows.

[Magrittes Pipe]

185. Oh, yes, she is!

:loveya:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

172. Why do you lie like that?

Oh my god!!!

[Magrittes Pipe]

174. Put your clothes back on, and put down the floor buffer, CStheT.

Go outside and get some fresh air.

[RandomKoolzip]

187. Did you ever play drums in a riot grrrl band?

Did you ever contribute articles to riot grrrl zines? Did you ever play benefits for "Take Back the Night?"

I did. Don't EVER accuse me of sexism, Josh. I've put in my dues.

Don't even get me started on this shit; I'll just bust out the list of female artists who are great and who I worship wholeheartedly:

Fish and Roses
The Bellrays
Sleater-Kinney
Heavens to Betsy
K. McCarty
Lene Lovich
Joni Mitchell
Excuse 17
Sandy Denny
Chrissie Hynde
Sue Garner
The Third Sex
Patti Smith
The Wives
The Pandoras
The Gits
The Waitresses
Rickie Lee Jones
Rutabega
Exene Cervenka of X
The Raincoats
Lora Logic

I could go on, but I shan't.

What I find distasteful about Ani DiFranco personally is that she's got this "persona," this image of being a strong, independent woman who releases her own records and is really politically active, etc. all of which conveniently distracts from the ACTUAL MUSIC she creates, which is amelodic, cloyingly overemotional, annoying, and tuneless. If she didn't have the persona, nobody would take her seriously. Musically, she just doen't have the goods. In this, she's not at all unlike Ian Svenonius or other males of his ilk, who cultivate a media persona in order to deflect their basic talentlessness. It's not sexism, it's purely musical as criticism.

And With Tori Amos....ugh. I've made my displeasure with whispering vocalists well known; what I also can't stand are vocalists who breathe sharply into the mike inbetween words, male or female- that schmuck from the Wu-Tang Clan comes to mind here. I think her music is dreadful.

Okay, so that's two artists I hate, compared to the long list above. Care to tell me why I don't like anyone who doesn't fit my "male model" (what, like Tyson Beckford?) of music agin?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

188. Certainly Señor Blowhard - its very simple

Shut Up - That's why!!!









Actually - Tori is not guilty of this breathy thing of which you speak. You're guilty of not giving her a chance. But maybe you have listened to her a number of times and its just a matter of taste.

I am guilty of pinching you in the tender spot to see how you'll react tho. Now I must go wash my hands.

[RandomKoolzip]

189. Ah, Mr. O'Reilly, I see my enemy came prepared!

I've heard a LOT of Tori Amos in my time. Lots of friends were big fans and tried to convert me. I just never heard anything I liked, and that sharp intake of breath into the mike (I SWEAR it's there if you listen) all the time really got on my nerves.


Anyhow, it's all subjective and everyone's entitled to my opinion, so to quote Ken Kikosiki: "Whaddya gonna do, you know?"

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

190. Shut Up! Shut Up!! Shut Up!!!!

Get him out of here! Cut His Mike!!!!

- I just want to pump ass!


I know we'll never see eye to eye on this. Alas - tis aesthetics, non?

[RandomKoolzip]

191. No, we will see eye to eye....

So long as it's MY eye, and my fist.


Such are the vissicitudes of art! (burp)

[SiouxJ]

31. Well in this case he got lucky then

lol! And yes, I do think he's cool now, didn't before ;-) but I admire anyone with taste enough to put a Waterboys album in their sig. line, even if it was a happy accident ;-) .

[Screaming Lord Byron]

36. Don't listen to Al, my estranged gay lover.

He's jealous. :evilgrin:

[bbernardini]

16. Now I gotta tell ya about the video idea…you're really gonna love this!

We start out in one of these rural churches in the middle of Alabama somewhere
and they’re havin’ this gigantic rave up gospel church festival
with fat women with their hands in the air yellin’ amen and hallelujah
and our boy, our hero, he’s right in the middle of it and religious fervor is just exploding off of his body
behind the alter of this church there’s this gigantic icon of a black Jesus Christ…who our boy later licks.
Smash cut to him on a hillside dancing wildly, half naked, with his undulating midriff sweating profusely in front of hundreds and hundreds of burning crosses
Smash cut back to the church only now it’s not a church right, it’s a courtroom
and the priest has become a judge and the choir’s become the Jury and black Jesus is on trial for raping our boy
So this really angry contingent of fat trucker lookin’ guys sweeps up black Jesus beats him senseless and throws him in prison
where our boy takes pity on him, goes to him, weeps in front of the bars and then gives him a hand job through them.
but it’s all shot by Herb Ritz so it’s really beautiful and you feel sorry for both of them
All right, all right…so that we don’t offend everybody in the whole fucking world
at this point these two gigantic beautiful red velvet curtains close from either side of the screen and then reopen and the whole cast of the video takes a bow like it was a play or somethin’ right!…get it?
All right well, if you don’t get that you’ll get this…when those receipts start tearin’ in from all over the world you’re gonna kick the almighty god ass my friends because sixty billion flag waving fans in every stadium in the fucking planet are gonna be yellin’!…

[Beware the Beast Man]

25. Madonna- Like a Prayer

ding ding ding ding! :)

[bbernardini]

67. Very good! But can you identify the artist who said this without Google?

That was a rant from a song. Can anybody identify the song or the artist?

[BigMcLargehuge]

58. Somebody get Pepsi on the phone! This is gonna be huge!

Actually, probably my all time favorite video.

[Beware the Beast Man]

18. "They kinda sound like the Velvet Underground but much better looking,

and much less talented."

[Screaming Lord Byron]

23. The Strokes?

[Beware the Beast Man]

29. You got it!

That one was a bit too easy.

[Magrittes Pipe]

37. No way...

...the Strokes are ugly as hell!

[Beware the Beast Man]

48. They are, but they're played up as being hotties

For some godforsaken reason.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

20. OK. Someone else's turn to pitch.

[jpgray]

22. Let's see

'They're early glam rockers in the David Bowie vein, with a cheesy, quavery singer, questionable wardrobe choices, and an innovative synthplayer.'

[Screaming Lord Byron]

24. Roxy Music?

[jpgray]

27. Yep. Way too easy.

:P

[MallRat]

28. OK, I've got a couple.

"Well, they're like the Housemartins, but sunnier... less dark humor... and four out of five of them are kinda fat, so they've got that everyman appeal working for them."

"Crunchy-looking blonde who strives to be this generation's Joni Mitchell... she fails miserably, but it's still highly-accessible music with a pseudo-conscience... did I mention that she yodels?"

-MR

[jpgray]

40. Last one is Jewel, I think

And I agree that she fails miserably

[MallRat]

44. DING! DING! DING!

Any thoughts on the first one?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

45. First one - Barenaked Ladies?

[MallRat]

47. Damn, you guys are really good.

:yourock:

[jpgray]

52. Another one became thin, if I remember

I was watching some performance or appearance or other and saw that. The dark haired one that plays guitar and does a bit of singing is now pretty svelte.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

Cheers.

:headbang:

[Magrittes Pipe]

32. Okay, picture this:

German jazz band with a Black American sculptor singing improvised lyrics.

Oh, wait -- even better, a Japanese Jehova's Witness singing improvised lyrics! Now THAT will make us a MINT!

[jpgray]

38. Can

Way too easy. :D

[Magrittes Pipe]

41. Yes, but that was just a shout-out to you.

:P

[jpgray]

46. And here I was so proud of myself

:cry:

[Beware the Beast Man]

39. Can?

That's all I can think of...

[Screaming Lord Byron]

49. CAN I guess the answer to that one?

OK.

[jpgray]

35. Another

'They're punk-influenced guitar pop, and their singer sings like Syd Barrett.'

[BigMcLargehuge]

54. Jet?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

56. The Vines?

[jpgray]

61. Nope to both guesses so far, earlier era (nt)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

63. Blur?

[jpgray]

65. Nope. Think late seventies early eighties

This guy sounds EXACTLY like Syd Barrett--the band even covered one of his rarer tunes.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

68. The Soft Boys?

[jpgray]

69. That's it! (nt)

[BigMcLargehuge]

51. okay, guess these via their pitches

1. They are like Aerosmith with a castrato singer and a weaker lead guitar... Their demo's best track is a cover of a Golden Earring song with all the testosterone squeezed out of it. They have wicked huge hair, which is a hit with the ladies nowadays...

2. Gangsta rap without all the gangsta stuff... These two guys are really talented, one's puerto rican with a big cube of hair but none of the their songs are in spanish... maybe a tie in to the latin market? If we sign them I can see movie deals later. Can't listen to them and not be happy!

3. Sexually ambiguous female songwriter, good guitar player! Writes lots of stuff that will appeal to college kids, especially women, but lots of sensitive guys too... A side benefit, she has about six billion songs recorded on demo... We better act fast before she starts her own label though... oh... too late.

[Magrittes Pipe]

55. Ani DiFranco is a good guitar player?

I never picked up on that. :shrug:

[Beware the Beast Man]

57. 1. White Lion?

2. Kid & Play
3. Ani DiFranco

[BigMcLargehuge]

60. you got it!

LOL

Good one, now your turn!

[BigMcLargehuge]

72. smore for yall

posted in wrong place... look further down

[Screaming Lord Byron]

80. 2. is The Who. 1? The Scorpions?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

59. 1. The Darkness?

[Beware the Beast Man]

62. OK, they sound like a cross

Between the Smiths, REM, Pink Floyd, and U2...and their singer does that sad-boy pouty thing a lot. The girls will love it!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

64. That's got to be Coldplay, right?

[Beware the Beast Man]

66. Close

[BigMcLargehuge]

74. the cure

[Beware the Beast Man]

78. Nope

Getting colder. Coldplay was closer.

[Magrittes Pipe]

70. Their demo sounds like "Astral Weeks," but with a trumpet player...

...and they're named after a Lou Rawls line, or something.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

71. Some more.

'They're real jerks, they can't get along with anyone, but they can regurgitate old Beatles riffs by osmosis'

'It's like two guys, right? They're hot, but they can't sing, they can dance though. What would happen if we just got them to mime while some unattractive, fat singers who can actually sing deal with that? We're OK so long as the CD doesn't skip'

'They're like a funk-metal band, but get this - they're all black!, and the singer is a bi-sexual who was in Platoon'.

'They're like married. No, hang on, they're brother and sister. No, they're ex-married. And get this - there's no bass player!'

'Well, they're clearly the best band ever, but the singer gets kinda nervy on stage. Shouldn't be a problem though. Although, he does have fairly strong opinions on God, religion and middle-class suburban life.'

[Magrittes Pipe]

73. Damn you, rat-ass!

I was gonna do one for the Fall! x(

[Screaming Lord Byron]

76. I never used the term 'withered, drunken curmudgeon', did I?

[Magrittes Pipe]

83. Well, you did say "clearly the best band ever"

...and the Stone Roses suck.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

93. Oh yeah, and the singer collects toy soldiers. How eccentric is that?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

109. It was XTC.

[Magrittes Pipe]

115. Well, Andy was certainly nervy on stage...

...but they were clearly NOT the greatest band ever.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

121. Feh!

[Magrittes Pipe]

123. Meh.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

124. Jeh!

[Magrittes Pipe]

126. Eh?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

129. Weh?

[Magrittes Pipe]

130. Heh.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

132. Neh.

[BigMcLargehuge]

75. way easy this time

Oasis

Milli Vanilli

Living Colour

The White Stripes

Creed

[Magrittes Pipe]

Creed is NOT the best band ever....

:grr:

[BigMcLargehuge]

79. thought you were being sarcastic of overly enthusiastic since A+R man

LOL...

Okay, lemme think then.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

81. All right, except five.

Although, that answer makes better sense than mine.

[BigMcLargehuge]

77. how bout these?

1. German guys. Can' t understand two thirds of anything coming out of the little singer's mouth. Records everything in English but emphasizes the wrong parts of words so it's doubly hard to understand... We'll make a killing on lyric inserts. Beloved in pre Glastnost USSR but not much record buying capital there. Pity. Maybe a stadium tour?

2. Fashion obsessed speed freaks. Singer may be only 4 feet tall, but with really long curly hair he might look normal... Dunno if anything can be done about singers nose, need a team of plastic surgeons to make that thing look normal... Lots of teen angst songs, not sure it will play with the screamers buying all the albums from those Liverpool guys, but it might tap the pissed and disengfranchised market. Lots of bluesy riffs and American blues covers in their live set, which is kinda weird considering their origin. If we sign them, we need to set up a guitar replacement fund. Also, drummer is insane, needs metronome to stay in time, funny guy though. Has great look that the girls will love, can't let him out in public drunk (which he is 80% of the time)... Great producer working with them now.

3. Doesn't play and instruments and barely sings. Weird guy actually. Has a fetish for acapella but prefers self flagellation to orchestration... maybe we can get him to mix the two?

[Beware the Beast Man]

82. 1. Scorpions

2. The Who
3. Bobby mcFerrin?

[BigMcLargehuge]

84. you are good :)

you weren't sure about bobby mcferrin? I was worried that one was too easy.

[Beware the Beast Man]

86. It was the self-flagellation thing

At first, I thought it was GG Allin...

[jpgray]

85. Couple more (now with added hints)

'They're first generation punk with two great guitar players and their singer sounds like Richard Hell (or the other way around, depending on how you want to look at it).'

'They sound like 60s era Brian Wilson, and the band is basically the product of their Irish singer/guitarist.'

'They have a whiny pretentious guy singing, a guitarist left over from the British Invasion, and a drummer who tunes his drums up a lot--they engage in musical cannibalism from a certain genre like the Talking Heads, but without the paranoid twist.'

[Magrittes Pipe]

87. TELEVISION

[jpgray]

89. Right!

[BigMcLargehuge]

88. 1. Ramones 2. Thin Lizzy 3. Led Zeppelin

[jpgray]

90. Nope on all three

The second one is obscure, and the last one is meant to be pretty vague (there are many whiny pretentious British singers. :))

[BigMcLargehuge]

99. whinier than Robert Plant?

hard to believe :)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

95. The High Llamas? and The Police.

[jpgray]

97. Nice! (nt)

[Magrittes Pipe]

96. #3 -- Blind Faith?

:scared:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

91. More.

They're like power pop, OK? But they also like opera. Guy makes his own guitars, btw. Terrible hair. But the real deal is, the singer is gay! All these meatheads in hockey arenas and 7-11 car parks will love it, and think it rocks, but he's gay. How cool is that!

German guys. Also like to make their own stuff. May think they're robots. Possibly gay.

OK. Power Trio, right? But get this. The guy has a really dumb high voice. And he looks like a witch! What a hoot, man!

Christian band. Singer likes to climb on shit, guitar player has way too many pedals. Hot drummer.

They're old, but they release twelve albums a year. Only rock journalists will like them. This will sustain their career.

[jpgray]

92. Queen, Kraftwerk, Rush, dunno about the rest (nt)

[Magrittes Pipe]

94. HEY!

Their demo sounds like "Astral Weeks," but with a trumpet player... and they're named after a Lou Rawls line, or something.

[BigMcLargehuge]

98. and some more

1. Two guys, one writes the other sings. Great stage presence for the singer. Pair him up with a good looking woman and we got gold. Songs are a little wordy but singer manages to squeeze all nine billion verses into about four minutes. Also, songs are very very stupid, but we can cover this by producing each one with a full orchestra, choir, ninety piece backup band, Mongolian throat singers, and anyone else near the recording studio who can play anything. Music reminds me of reading romance novels while drunk, or listening to sappy opera.

2. Sort of like ELO without the disco angle. Good guys, singer has nice stage presence with planet sized afro. Lots of harmony but still a good core of solid guitar. Not has hard as heavy metal, not as soft as anything else really, a nice mix. Good appeal to the masses. Contract offering heavily favors us, but they aren't too savy... what are they going to do, hold an album back for 15 years until contract runs out? I have a good feeling about these guys, maybe moreso.

3. Think Yoko Ono, but with some vocal talent. Not bad when using other people's writing. Pretty good on guitar. But she has problems, less so now that's she's kicked the smack (note to self, might be a good control mechanism), but might be necessary to fish her out of protective custody alot. If we keep her occupied with lots of records she won't have time to make a bafoon of herself on MTV. People either love her or hate her. Even some of her bandmates hate her. But I think we can channel that into her music. Lots of songs about loss, but that's to be expected. See if we can get that bald goober from Smashing Pumpkins to write for them later.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

100. 3. is Courtney Love.

[BigMcLargehuge]

101. aww c'mon, I got killer clues in the first two

you can get them, I know it.

[Beware the Beast Man]

105. #2 is Boston

#1, gee, Elton John & Bernie Taupin? That's all I can think of.

[BigMcLargehuge]

107. Boston is right, EJ is wrong

[Screaming Lord Byron]

122. Tears for Fears?

[Magrittes Pipe]

102. 1... uh...

The Righteous Brothers? :shrug:

[BigMcLargehuge]

104. nope

nice try though

[Magrittes Pipe]

118. Simon and Garfunkel?

[BigMcLargehuge]

119. nope... keep trying

[jpgray]

125. Tell me #1 isn't Meatloaf

[Magrittes Pipe]

127. Oh, God.

I think you may be right.

There is a special place in hell reserved for Jim Steinman.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

128. Feh. Steinman already been to Hell. He produced the Sisters of Mercy.

[BigMcLargehuge]

134. I can't tell you that because IT IS MEATLOAF!

congrats.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

103. Yet more.

1. Like the Smashing Pumpkins but Canadian, and crap.

2. Three elderly Japanese women who like to dress up as schoolgirls.
Better get them some guitar lessons.

3. Psychedelic guitar group. Woman singer. Thinks she's in the opera,
and i'm sure she's just making shit up.

4. She's a poet. Kinda hot in a boyish way. Pretty wordy, but she
pulls it off. Seems to have a problem with on-stage balance.

5. Scandinavian. Sound oddly like glaciers banging together. Some
yodelling.

[BigMcLargehuge]

106. 1. Crash Test Dummies (?)

2. Shonen Knife
3. ?
4. ?
5. ?

[Beware the Beast Man]

108. Ummm

1. Our Lady Peace
2. Shonen Knife
3. Big Brother & the Holding Company ?
4. ??????
5. The Hives?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

110. 1 and 2 are right, the rest not.

[jpgray]

111. 3. Jefferson Airplane

[Screaming Lord Byron]

113. No. It's an eighties psychedelic band.

[jpgray]

112. Here's one

'They're a highly innovative and talented early garage band, but you may want to assassinate the electric jug player, because his fucking warbling sounds like shit on about 90% of their songs.'

[Screaming Lord Byron]

114. Thirteenth Floor Elevators?

[jpgray]

116. Yes.

[Magrittes Pipe]

117. Hm...

Male/female harmonies with funny accents. Great bass lines, but I think the guitarist has a future in synth pop.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

159. They're like the Dead Kennedy's meet Abba - its a musical bloodletting!

How's that?

[Magrittes Pipe]

170. Sounds like that...

musique concrete thing you and Koolzip have going.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

178. Absolutely - through a clip from Pretty in Pink on it and its art

n'est ce pas?

[enigmatic]

186. I posted this on the Jay Farrar thread..

so here goes:

"I've been listening to Jay since "No Depression" w/ Uncle Tupelo; UT are probably my favorite band of all-time.

If you like Jay/UT/Son Volt, you'd love Richmond Fontaine, who I think are the best band in America at the moment. Willy Vlautin has been compared to Jay voice-wise, but I always thought it was a straight cross between Jay and Jeff Tweedy. Vlautin's songs are wonderfully melancholy stuff; short stories w/ some scorching guitar and sad, sweet pedal steel to color the songs. "Lost Son" is my favorite CD, but all of them (including their new CD "Post To Wire")are must-haves. On my internet station they are staples.."