Queer DUers: Dispel Myths Here.

[Bertha Venation]

I have to answer the PM of a young friend on another message board. We began to correspond because she lives in Orange County, CA, where I grew up. She's ignorant not by choice, it seems (like so many of our conservative friends who are terrified we might bump them on the train & turn them gay) but by lack of exposure to reality.

She wrote, in part, "You're going to have to completely forgive me for my ignorance . . . . it's an entirely different lifestyle that I know nothing about. . . . I'm just curious about everything I don't fully understand. I'd much rather be informed than believe what "x" person tells me."

I like her and am not offended by her assumptions & repeating stereotypes. I'm looking for funny ways to explain that she's accepted those stereotypes without asking questions.

I have a short list:

We have no
* secret handshake
* special vocabulary
* decoder ring
* dress code (no! We have thousands of those! And they're all faaaabulous!)
* . . . and there is no such thing as the "gay lifestyle!"

Myths include
* you can't "join" til you've had 500 bed partners
* gays recruit (can you imagine the recruiting sergeant?)
* we all have STDs
* men have to lisp and women have to be ugly & masculine

And for some serious reality,

Discrimination is evident in
* the Red Cross prohibition against "active" (as opposed to catatonic, I suppose) gay men giving blood
* we can't be ourselves and serve in the military (unless, of course, there's a war)
* marriage is the ultimate no-no -- gay "marriage?" Please!

Got the idea? What would you add? Keep it light, now. I don't intend to kill this woman with the heavy and righteous facts of the discrimination we face -- only to show her the light.

If you've nothing to add, tell a tale of discrimination or hatred you've faced. Or tell how you saw the light yourself.

[Bunny]

1. Yeah, but what about the toasters?

:evilgrin:

[Dastard Stepchild]

2. Prolly that whole "it's a choice" thing myth...

That comment always sat poorly with me, and it's one I would be happy to see fall to the wayside.

[rabid_nerd]

14. What about for

bisexuals ;)

[Dastard Stepchild]

18. Well, being one myself...

I choose to have my cake and eat it too, but I didn't choose the cake ;)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

92. the bisexuals dont choose to be bi either

we just are. and even if it is a choice...its my fucking body and my fucking choice (literally)

[KinkyDem]

104. This argument

Hey straight people ...did you choose to be straight? I didn't choose to be kinky, I just am, so are they. Move on.

[brainshrub]

3. Men have to lisp

They don't? *gathp*

[Misunderestimator]

7. LOL

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

53. That has a grain of truth

See me for example. I'm straight, and I know C, C++, VB, APL, Assembly, SQL, JavaScript... but no Lisp.

[Misunderestimator]

63. LOL... What? No Pascal, Cobol, Smalltalk?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

72. Heh -- too little, brief contact, and nothing, respectively. (nt)

[Misunderestimator]

77. They're dinosaurs anyway... you're not missin much.

Except that Smalltalk rocks... was the first object-oriented language. I'm much better versed in the ones you mentioned though.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

78. Thank Borland's utter marketing incompetence in the case of Pascal (nt)

[Plaid Adder]

4. Dated, but still might be useful

The Fine Art of Being Come Out To: A Straight Person's Guide To Gay Etiquette

http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[MuseRider]

17. I remember that!

I saved it too. Loved it.

[daligirrl]

5. I'm not Gay. . .

But I am a serious "fag hag" and I mean that in the best sense of the word. I live with a Gay man. A few years ago my mom came up to visit for the first time and was shocked that the house was messy and not particularly decorated. She said, and I quote, "I thought you would have gotten some decorating sense and pride in your home after living with Earle (my roomie) for two years." LOL!

[Misunderestimator]

6. What?!? You don't know the secret handshake?

For shame... :)

[arwalden]

8. We Don't All Love Judy Garland, Streisand, Musicals/Showtunes, Disco...

and drag queens.

Although I just happen to love Judy Garland, Streisand, Musicals/Showtunes, Disco and drag queens... that doesn't mean that every homo does.

I'm just sayin'.

-- Allen <--doesn't have track-lighting

[Misunderestimator]

11. You don't have track lighting? I'm appalled!

Are you sure you don't have latent heterosexual tendencies? :)

[WoodrowFan]

20. I bet he even sneaks "hetro" mags into the bathroom

like "Sports Illustrated" and FIELD AND STREAM! Just "curious" he says. Next thing you know, he'll be reading FHM.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

16. Yes we do...stop acting so homophobic

honor your inner Ethel Mermen

[5thGenDemocrat]

41. Hey, wait a minute

I like Judy Garland and musicals/showtunes. Does this mean what I think it means?
John
If so, when do I get my toaster?

[cally]

9. That you don't have wild/uncontrollable lust

for all the straight folks you meet. We are not in danger of crazy propositions and threats of making us leave our spouses. :evilgrin:

[Sporadicus]

12. I Know This One to Be True

I've never had a gay guy make a pass at me (not sure whether this is bragging or complaining) ;)

[Andy_Stephenson]

10. Gay men all have a flair for fashion...

In my case I must have missed that line.

[GOPisEvil]

43. Yes, Andy, but you CAN decorate!

My living room: an Andy Stephenson original!

[Bertha Venation]

13. I LOVE DUers and DU!

Thanks, you all, for the responses. I have to hit the hay but tomorrow I'll post my letter to the new bud.

And Plaidder -- may I post a link to your Guide on my web site? Pretty please with sugar on top?

'night, friends. Thanks again.

[DemWitch]

15. Gay men are magicians with glue guns and tule...

but don't know what an impact wrench is or what it's used for... horrible interior decorator but can rip apart an engine and rebuild it in two days

lesbians can build an addition on to the house with thier bare hands and no tools, but can't manage maybelline eyeliner... my best lesbian friend can't do either... she's useless around the house and her idea of makeup is a spritz of hairspray

ALL gay men drive Miata's... sorry, Hyundai and Blazer here

ALL Lesbians drive green Forester's... uhmmmm, all of my lesbian friends have humongous 4x4's and Harley's... maybe it's a geographic thing?

The military service thing gets me... One rationalization is you can't be gay in the military because of security reasons... you might be outed and therefore blackmailed. But if you were out in the military, you couldn't be blackmailed and therefore not be a security risk...

[Malikshah]

57. I thought is was toile?

Curses, I was mistak..

Uh.. Curthes, I wath mithtaken. :)

[MuseRider]

19. I was really

upset to find out there was NO DECODER RING! My very best friend was very upset when he found out I owned no dresses for him to borrow. Still, I would switch for a really good blender. :loveya:

Seriously, we are basically all the same and our differences are what make us special. Good luck.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

21. Can I ask one here? I'm not gay.

There is something I've heard many times from a lot of people, but I don't know if it's true. It's none of my business if it is or isn't, of course. I've just never had the nerve to ask any of my gay friends.

But it might be offensive, and I don't want to offend anyone.

[WoodrowFan]

22. maybe Dan Savage answered it already...

http://www.thestranger.com/current/savage.html

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

23. No. That wasn't it.

nt

[WoodrowFan]

24. I was thinking about searching his old columns.

but now I'm curious. I'm straight so I can't answer for you tho.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

27. I'm kind of stupid -- was there a search link on that page?

:shrug:

[WoodrowFan]

28. at the top

but I think Dookus can help (especially if it involves hamsters)

[Dookus]

26. Go ahead and ask, Walt

we'll be gentle.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

29. OK....

Like I said, I don't mean to be offensive at ALL. I am totally supportive of gay marriage and all other gay rights.

I am just curious about this. I have been told a lot of times, sometimes by people who, one would think, would be in a position to know (i.e. two therapists and a UU minister, all three of whom claim to be gay-friendly) that:

1. Most (i.e. almost ALL) gay men are *extremely* promiscuous, and their relationships are almost never monogamous.

2. Most lesbians (in monogamous relationships) have sex rarely, if ever.


None of my business, of course, but it is something of a myth I've been exposed to....

- Dawn

[Dookus]

30. Nope

both totally wrong.

Some gay men are very promiscuous. So are some straight people. But I would think that gay men TEND to have more contacts, and there's plenty of reasons worth considering why that is, but I wouldn't say it's MOST or anywhere close to all.

I know many lesbians in long-term relationships who go at it like rabid weasels at the drop of a hat.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

31. Thanks for clearing that up.

You're right, you were very gentle.

I knew you were a nice guy, despite the scary photo! ;-)

[Bertha Venation]

51. Dookus handled it very well.

How the freak do these lame-ass stereotypes get started?! Just remember: in general, gay people are no different from straight people. That applies to everything.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

61. That's a tough thing for me to remember, although I try very hard.

It seems so weird to me that a woman would want to be with a woman when she could be with a man. Forgive me; I know that's a stupid statement. I obviously support the right of women to be with women, including to marry women and not be discriminated against for it in any way, from marriage to survivor rights.

It just seems so....ODD. I'm sorry!! :shrug:

I understand gay males a lot better. It feels like, if I was a guy, that I would be gay, too.

[Misunderestimator]

65. Jeez.... I know you're not trying to offend but...

You keep apologizing prior to saying some really offensive thing. What's up with that?

And the first sentence in your post sounds as if it was written by a man. I find THAT weird. :shrug:

(On edit... I get a little ticked off being called Weird and Odd)

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

79. I'm sorry.

I'll go away now. :cry:

[Misunderestimator]

80. Hmmm.... sorry to make you cry, but you did call lesbians weird and odd

I'd rather you stay. And understand that when you say things like that, you're going to offend people.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

81. I didn't think I said that.

I thought I said it seemed odd to me, and that I couldn't personally understand it. I understand gay men, at least I think I do, because I share their interest in men.

Is that a bad thing to say here? I'm sorry. I'm very confused. :shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

82. Actually... here's what you said:

It seems so weird to me that a woman would want to be with a woman when she could be with a man.

It just seems so....ODD.

And you can say whatever you want here, I'm sure most people weren't offended by that. Is it ok to tell you if you offend me? :shrug:

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

83. I'm sorry.

I thought the "to me" indicated that I was speaking from personal feelings and not making a judgment.

And I don't think I can say whatever I want here. Someone that I thought was really interesting and funny got tombstoned yesterday. I'm all nervous now.

I'm sorry that I offended you.

[Misunderestimator]

84. Accepted... though adding "to me"

doesn't automatically make something not a judgement.

Like people who say "Well, to me, homosexuality is just plain stinking crazy wrong and perverted, but that's just me"

Just saying.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

86. That's what you think I meant??!?!?!?!?

Oh Jesus. I've always known I was terrible at communicating. Now I have unequivocal proof. Jesus, I should get Shrubby to teach me how to communicating. He's better than I am at it. :cry:

I'm very, very sorry. Don't worry. I won't say anything else about it.

[Misunderestimator]

89. No problem... thanks for being open-minded about it.

[Bertha Venation]

87. I wonder if maybe you're thinking too much about sex.

Being gay isn't about sex. It's about who you fall in love with.

If you understand gay men because you, too, like having sex with men, then understanding gay people on the whole is going to be very, very difficult with you. Because we are not all about what we do with our genitals!

Dawn, I don't mean to sound harsh. I see you're learning a lot here and learning can be painful.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

88. No!

Not sex! I don't understand why women go to the movies or share a house or go shopping or do one of ten billion other non-sex things with women.

Jesus, I don't know how to explain this.

My best friends have always been men. I have five siblings, all brothers. The only terrible boss I've ever had was a woman. The only terrible neighbor I've ever had was a woman. I just prefer the company of men in every way, including sexually.

And I don't understand why my feeling that way is offensive but people posting jokes in this thread (like the "what second date?" joke) isn't.

I don't understand why it's not enough that I'm 110% supportive of equality in every way -- if I'm the slightest bit uncomfortable, then I'm wrong?

This is why I was stupid to register. Life was much easier as a lurker. But I wanted to register and make a donation since I use the resources so much. Once I did that, it was impossible not to post. God damn me.

[Misunderestimator]

91. See... I thought you GOT it already...

But I see you didn't really. Saying it's ODD and WEIRD to you is not like telling a joke... especially when it's clear that the teller of the joke is making a point about the ridiculousness of the joke.

You keep changing what you said. You didn't say you were slightly uncomfortable, you said it was odd and weird.

You are taking this too personally. Instead you should understand that REAL LIVE GAY PEOPLE are responding to you. If I say something offensive to a black person, you can bet that I will try to understand why it was offensive and not defend my use of some language if it clearly offends them.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

94. Please suggest other language.

What would be a non-offensive way of saying that, although I am 110% in favor of GLBT rights in every way, shape, form and fashion, I find myself unable to understand the lesbian orientation. Or is that not okay to say? And if it's not, wouldn't that be your own version of "I don't mind gay people as long as they act straight in public?"

And before you tell me that I'll never understand, I don't think YOU understand how hard it can be to be a straight ally of GLBT people, either. I have paid a huge price. My favorite brother, my childhood hero, hasn't spoken to me in a year. He refuses to speak to me because I wouldn't sign his petition in favor of the FMA at the last family get-together. I am the only person in a huge extended family who will not laugh at fag jokes and who will speak up and object to them.

So my personal discomfort is offensive -- okay. Please tell me either that it's not okay to ever express it, or suggest a way to express it that isn't going to alienate me from everyone here?

[Misunderestimator]

98. I thought I already made it clear...

I don't get how you can't see that saying that it's SO WEIRD... and ODD that a woman would want to be with another woman instead of a man is offensive.

Hmm... then how about... just not saying it at all, unless you do intend to offend people.

And frankly, I can't feel sorry for you that you get alienated from family because you don't laugh at their gay jokes. With my ex's family, I argued with them over their racist jokes, and that alienated them from me. And, I wouldn't have it any other way because it's the RIGHT position to take, no?

You can be as uncomfortable as you like about the thought of women with women... but if you tell me about it, it will offend me. And there's no APPROPRIATE language for telling someone that you find their lives odd and weird.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

99. OK. I understand.

Tolerance extends one way only. Got it.

Thanks.

[Misunderestimator]

102. WTF is that supposed to mean?

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

103. Exactly what I said.

My tolerance for GLBT people extends all the way to alienating family for the sake of principle.

GLBT people are not required to have any tolerance for my discomfort, despite my support of them.

Tolerance extends one way only. I wasn't aware of that. I thank you for explaining it to me.

[Misunderestimator]

105. Excuse me? I certainly don't expect black people to tolerate MY

discomfort IF I HAD ANY ... and IF I EXPRESSED it to them. You just don't get it. Did you READ my post? I was alienated by my ex's entire family because I defend African Americans when they make racist jokes. It CERTAINLY doesn't give me the right then to expect African Americans to understand if I find them ODD OR WEIRD.

Passive aggressiveness and misinterpretation of my words are not very comfortable for me either.

While I am on my LAST post to you, let me give you ONE more word of advice. Using the word TOLERANCE is yet one more way to alienate ME.

Now go ahead and cry.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

106. I don't understand the connection.

Having black skin is not an orientation.

It's the orientation, the mental, emotional, sexual, physical, psychological, etc., of lesbianism that I don't understand.

Are you suggesting that black people are different from white people in all these ways? I don't think so, but it sounds like you do. :shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

108. AHA... Now we get to the bottom of your prejudice

"ORIENTATION" ... nuff said

Now, since it's clear that you are NOT going to be educated on this matter... I really am going to ignore you.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

110. HuH?

I read every word of the Plaid Adder's guide, and it said that being gay is a fundamental part of every aspect of a person's life.

Is orientation not the right word for that????? :shrug:

Someone, please explain this to me. I am completely confused now.

[Mara Steele]

116. It's BIOLOGICAL/SPIRITUAL, woman

It's a natural thing that the majority of us DIDN'T CHOOSE...

Yes, orientation IS the proper word for this... I believe this is what Mis. was pointing out.

We merely expect you to UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT this, in the same way that you understand and accept all other NATURAL phenomena like the sun, the wind, the rain, heterosexuality...

It is not a preference, we are this way in the same unalterable sense that some people have dark skin, some people are short, some people are tall, etcetera.

So ACCEPT it, and get over your straight prejudices already...

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

120. I understand except for one thing.

I don't understand in what sense I'm prejudiced. Does discomfort=prejudice?

I guess what I mean is, if someone believes in and takes the proper actions, does it matter how they personally feel?

Or is it just that DU is not a place where these feelings or expressions of them are acceptable?

Or both??

Thanks for your response, Mara.

[Mara Steele]

123. Not saying that it was wrong for you to SAY what you said

HOWEVER, you said it, and I'm trying to explain to you why you may like to restrain yourself from making these comments around other gay people in the future... OR, ideally, examine your own prejudices (yes, that's what your "discomfort" really is) and possibly get over them, for your own sake.

Feeling uncomfortable about a natural phenomena isn't going to get you very far in life, especially if you feel a need to insult a whole group of people by expressing this prejudice.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

119. If I might interject in here...I think two well meaning people are

speaking past one another:

For Walt Whitman: I think generally your linguistic stumbles are not intended to offend ...but some statements come off with the same flavor as one who says, "some of my best friends are black." I think SOME of that is created by GAY people joking amongst one another. I also think there are 2 issues here...one is...you can't fathom the sexual relationship because it's not for you (which is fine) but in your expressing it, it comes across as though you are saying same sex women relationships are ..well...gross...and..heck..that's offensive to those of us for whom it is entirely natural.

For Misunderestimator: While you are generally uncovering an area where WW's own linguistics are illustrative to her, (in other words with a gentle nudge, she can see how the manner in which she languages her interpretations reinforces them to a point) you gotta admit..that as gay people WE are responsible for SOME of the interpretations straight people are left with since many of us cheer ANY positive gay representation in media even if all it does is FURTHER enforce the stereotype...ala Ellen and the toaster thing.

I think if you two were discussing this over a beer...you'd most likely end up laughing rather than flaming.

One last point to WW....for the most part..the hurt runs deep in our relationships not being taken seriously by society...so if we get a bit miffed...all I can say is....it's been a long time coming and we still ain't there.

(on edit...and a little hint...discomfort mostly = fear = irrational fear created BY prejudice...there's nothing wrong with acknowledging a prejudice...by acknowledging it you are freed from an irrational fear)

[Misunderestimator]

121. Now see.... that's why you do what you do...

and I do what I do... You are so diplomatic, sweetheart. :loveya:

Now I need a beer. :)

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

122. I think you're right, NSMA.

Most of my deeply painful experiences in life have come at the hands of women, so I might even be a little bit bitter towards my own gender. I admit to a blind spot there.

FWIW, I take your relationships seriously. Love is so rare that it should be celebrated wherever and however it's found.

Thanks, NSMA. :loveya:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

125. Most of my deeply painful experiences came from women too

except for one major one...I don't think that's so much it...heck there's things I can't stand about women and things I can't stand about men....the sexual thing is independent of all that...it's hard wired to a large degree

[Mara Steele]

113. It's because you're STRAIGHT, girl

That's why it seems ODD!! Because to you, men are attractive.

Get over it. To us queer gals, WOMEN are attractive.

Ya don't have to UNDERSTAND it, just accept it & get over your squeamishness...

[Misunderestimator]

114. Now why didn't I just say that.... sheesh

I wasted too much time and energy... that'll learn me.

:hi:

[Mara Steele]

118. I appreciate your efforts to reason with her.

It was not a waste at all! :yourock: :hi:

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

117. If you feel the way about women that I do about men,

I can sort of understand that.

I'm trying to get over being uncomfortable -- I really am.

Thanks.

[kitkatrose]

62. .....

How the freak do these lame-ass stereotypes get started?!

Well, my auntie and I were talking, along with some other people, and she made that comment. According to her, her gay co-workers always talk about who they hook-up with, etc. So obviously, this must be the way the entire community acts. :eyes: So I brought out my example about my college friends, but that's not applicable to her, because, well, it's college. I don't know how if some people of a segment are that way, then everyone in that segment is that way. For some reason she seemed resistant to the fact that gay people are no more promiscuious than straights. She quit talking about it, cuz I kept pressing my point. I don't know why it was that hard to re-evaluate.

[Scottie72]

73. Dookus took the words right out of my mouth.

Good job Dookus!

:bounce:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

34. This lesbian thinks relationships are way too much of a hassle

to not be having sex all the time...fortunately...the woman I am now in a relationship with agrees....you want my love and loyalty? Take off your clothes :evilgrin:

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

36. LOL!

I appreciate your candor. I wouldn't have taken those two myths seriously if I hadn't heard them from respectable people (therapists and a UU minister). It's nice to be more informed and know that they're myths.

I'll be more careful about calling my lesbian friends at home after 9PM. :D

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

38. Oh heck

you could call me at breakfast time and be in for a shocker...:D call anytime...just don't expect me to pick up the phone ;-)

[Misunderestimator]

45. Lesbians not having sex.... hmmm

Not here, friend... monogamy yes, no sex, no.

As for gay men... ALL of the gay men I know who are in relationships are monogamous.

And one more thing... gay relationships are NO DIFFERENT than hetero ones. Some couples experience a waning of sexual activity as years go by (men as well as women), and others don't. Some couples cheat on eachother and others don't.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

25. Stereotype humorous anecdote- coming out story

I came out to my parents the summer after my freshman year of college. My parents, although liberal-ish had never really been exposed to the whole concept of females being attracted to other females, although they got the gay male thing... So, my mother's conceptual idea of what a lesbian looked like must have been very much influenced by cultural stereotypes... Anyhow- the somewhat funny bit.

Me:{... Blah, blah, blah,}... mom and dad, I'm gay.
My mother: "But, Jamie- you can't be a lesbian, you have long hair!"

If I hadn't been so scared to death, I might have burst out laughing.

[Taverner]

32. Something about toasters I'm told

If someone has a toaster then they *MUST* be gay. Wait! I have a toaster!

[Bat Boy]

33. You realize you're taking all the fun out of homophobia...

Oh well. There's alway the Jews...

[HEyHEY]

35. No decoder ring! That fucking street vendor owes me ten bucks!

[Misinformed01]

44. Spare me, HeyHey....The Subaru Salesman owes me THOUSANDS.

nt

[Misunderestimator]

46. Yep.... Misinformed01 is more of a lesbian than I am...

I drive an Audi and I have never owned a pair of Birkenstocks!

[Misinformed01]

49. Oh dear!

You need to go straight to the store and get your feet all happy in a pair of birks....oh, the comfort! If it weren't August in the South, I would be in my flannel shirt too!

Do you want to borrow the Outback, and drive around for a bit???

[Misunderestimator]

50. Flannel shirt LOL... See? I don't even have one of those...

Of course, there's not much of a need for one in Florida. And I'm quite happy in my Teva's. :)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

64. Borrow the Outback!! Take it!

I've never done it in the back of an Outback!

[Misunderestimator]

66. Hey Misinformed01... can you send the Outback out to CA for the weekend?

:evilgrin:

[Misinformed01]

70. For Ya'll???

You know I would! ;)

Just return it clean!

Steph

[Misunderestimator]

71. LOL... Hmm.... you got a tarp?

:D

[Misinformed01]

95. Of course I do

Michael and I had a couple of dates before we got married! ;)

Well....OK< we didn't actually DATE, per se...I mean, you could loosely call it dating....nevermind....yes, we have a tarp.

[Misunderestimator]

100. Oh I think I know what you mean ;)

Going on a similar "date" tomorrow :D

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

54. "Go STRAIGHT to the store?" That'll only make things worse. (nt)

[Misunderestimator]

55. Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck

[TrogL]

37. You can't "turn gay"

You also can't "turn straight".

I knew I was gay when I watched by best friend in high school completely lose it whenever a female walked past. He couldn't talk straight, he'd start sweating, lose his train of thought, walk into walls and doorways.

The problem is, when he walked past I couldn't talk straight, I'd start sweating, lose my train of through and walk into walls and doorways.

[terrya]

39. We don't ALL have fabulous fashion sense.

We don't ALL have fabulously decorated apartments.

This gay man is about as alien from the "Fab 5", in terms of fashion, interior design, grooming, etc, as your average hetero man.

[praxiz]

40. But you still look

maaaaarvelous! :hug:

[terrya]

48. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.

Thank you!

And you look maaaaarvelous, also!

:hug:

[Blue-Jay]

42. Great thread!

This should be a weekly feature: Ask the queer

[Skittles]

47. I'm not gay but I have a story

an aquaintnace of mine named RIcky confessed that many years ago he and some friends would go out to "kick some queer ass". Then one night he was confronted by a muscle-bound man who told him THERE'S ONE THING I LIKE BETTER THAN SUCKING DICK AND THAT IS KICKING ASS. That guy proceeded to beat the hell out of Ricky, then put him in his car and drove him home. RIcky found out the hard way that gay doesn't always means pansy. And after the two talked on the long trip home, Ricky ceased to be a homophobe and they became friends.

[KinkyDem]

107. Maybe I'm the only one

but I found that story touching.

There are few things that can teach a young man a lesson as a well ass kicking.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

52. This Red Cross thing is scary. Suggests they don't test blood properly. nt

[Liberal Veteran]

56. It is scary but not indicative of their testing the blood supply...

The fact is that that if they are doing the usual HIV antibody test, a person could still have HIV present in their blood without a positive result on the ELISA test.


However the prohibition on gays giving blood is a unfortunate leftover from when they finally started to do something about the blood supply.

What would have been a more rational and non-discriminatory action would have been to prohibit someone from giving blood if they had had unprotected sex with someone of unknown HIV status in the last six months (or something along those lines).

[eyesroll]

60. I agree, it's crazy

Gay men who have been in a monogamous relationship for 20 years can't donate blood. A 40-year-old man who had a one-night-stand with another man 20 years ago, and has been in a heterosexual relationship since, can't donate blood. Neither can his female partner, if she knows about the one-night-stand.

Heterosexual people who have a new partner every night can donate blood, so long as they don't know enough about their partners to know if they use needles, visit prostitutes or have lived in Africa or Haiti. It's stupid.

[Liberal Veteran]

58. The gerbilling urban legend.....

That little tidbit is wrong on so many levels I can't believe anyone believes it.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

85. This the Richard Gere one?

I know people in Vancouver who will swear blind they've seen the medical reports, the wee liars.

[pagerbear]

59. WARNING: This very old joke perpetuates G/L stereotypes

What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A U-Haul.

What does a gay man bring on a second date?
What second date?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

67. Mommy, what's a lesbian?

ASK YOUR FATHER WHEN SHE GETS HOME!

[Misunderestimator]

68. What did one lesbian say to the other?

Your face or mine?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

69. we are human

so while some of us have slept with dozens of people others have not

we do the range of masculinity-femininity

we do have a special vocabulary in that some words are acceptable and others not

we do the range in terms of conservative-liberal

we just want the same rights not different/special ones

we really want to live in dignity

[Lizz612]

74. Bi myth

Let me make it perfectly clear, just because I am bisexual doesn't mean I want to have a threesome with your sorry waste of a Y chromosome and your girlfriend. :grr:

Anecdote:
While camping some drunk guys yelled at me "Where you been all my life?" I yelled back "Stealing your girlfriends!" They just sat there and looked confused.

[KinkyDem]

111. I won't make that assumption

but if you could let your friends know I'm looking I would appreciate it.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a bi woman to watch have sex with your GF? Even if she's bi and experienced?

Damn it!

[Lizz612]

124. Ha!

If my female friends were bi.... Oh, life would be so much more fun....

Its one thing to propose said action when everyone is open and involved in the decision, its a whole different story when the man is 19, drunk off his ass and his GF is a skanky ho and also drunk off her ass.

Am I bitter? Fuck yeah.

[KinkyDem]

126. I'm not bitter

:lick::lick:

A little salty though.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

75. Man, it's so sad that people know so little about gay people.

That's the root of 95% of bias and bigotry, lack of knowledge.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

76. Here's a nasty one I've heard put about by a wanker in my office.

That guys develop the 'gay voice' after they come out. That they really sound normal, and the 'gay voice' is an affectation.
I feel dirty passing that one on.

[Bertha Venation]

96. What's the "gay voice," then? Like Jack on "Will & Grace?"

My friend Thom, with a deep, mellow baritone that would make every straight woman and every gay man in the audience require a change of underwear, would also wonder what is the "gay voice."

Don't feel dirty. I've never heard that one at all. It'll be good to add to the tome I'm compiling here!

(BTW, I knew Sean Hayes. He's not acting -- although he's not nearly so stereotypical IRL.)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

101. The theory is that the stereotypical 'gay voice' is high and effeminate.

Like Jack. This guy is suggesting that it's some sort of fruity affectation.

[Bertha Venation]

109. Ah. Thanks.

Anyone who believes this "gay voice" nonsense should go to hear a GLBT chorus. Most (probably all) have non-queer singers, too, but they don't rely upon the "straight" singers for their sopranos & basses.

That's one of the most idiotic stereotypes about us.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

90. also sometimes "lipstick lesbians"

dont really wear lipstick :P

[JohnKleeb]

93. I had no idea

[Bertha Venation]

97. Don't worry, John. Chapstick lesbians DO wear chapstick.

;)

[Mara Steele]

112. So THAT's what I am...

A Blistex lesbian... :D

[JohnKleeb]

115. hah

[bookfreak]

127. If you are gay

You automatically are attracted to anyone else who is gay..you have no standards as do the straight people. Same goes for lesbians. Put two lesbians in a room together and it has to be a love connection.



Also (here's the strangest one I heard from a real live person) "gay people sleep with all other gay people"...and they meant that gay men will sleep with gay men and/or lesbian women and vice-versa. Apparently if you fall into the bracket "homosexual" you will do anyone else who falls into that bracket. I actually had to explain to them the concept that, uh, "gay men only like other *men*, and gay women only like other *women*, and that is why they are called gay. I also explained to this person the concept of bisexuality, which is a whole different ball game, but was more along the lines of what he was talking about.

And finally, gay men always want to make it with anyone, be it another gay person or a straight person so if you are straight you better be hiding your package when a fag walks in . Ditto for your boobs if you are a straight woman and a lesbian walks in. Gah!x(