I'll get to Scotland afore ye

[sus]

Everything here must be posted with a brogue.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

1. IT'S SHITE BEING SCOTTISH!

It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference.

[GOPisEvil]

5. If it's nae Scottish, it's crrrrrrrrrrap!

Someone had to.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Laddie...ye cannae get there wit yer 5 iron. Use de thrrreee wood.

[Canuckistanian]

3. Damn Scots

Groundskeeper Willie: Brothers and sister are natural enemies like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots or Scots and other Scots, damn Scots they ruined Scotland.

Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.

{Willie runs to Skinner's desk and leans over it in getting in his face}

Willie: You just made an enemy for life...

[Screaming Lord Byron]

6. Now the kilt was only for day-to-day wear.

In battle, we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury.

[Fenris]

10. Did you know that Liberace fought at Stirling Bridge?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

11. O'really? Don't feel bad wolfie.

I was wrestling wolves when you back at your mother's teat.

[Fenris]

13. You

Daft cunt! I oughtta...ah, no. I don' care.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

14. Eh, yer lucky yer gettin' a decent burial

Me own father got thrown in the bog.

[Magrittes Pipe]

15. I didnae cry when me own father was hanged fer stealin' a pig...

but I'll cry now.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

16. Get your Haggis right here!

Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds."

[Magrittes Pipe]

17. Grease me up, woman!

on edit: I am not quoting Groundskeeper Willie here; I say this to Byron quite frequently.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

18. Willy hears ya. Willy don't care.

"Uh... we're exchange students."
"Oh? And wheere ya from?"
"Umm... Scotland."
"Really? I'm from Scotland! Where d'you hail from?"
"North... Kilt-town."
"No joking? I'm from North Kiltown! Hey, d'ya know Angus McGee?"
"Hey, wait a minute, there is no Angus McGee!"

[Magrittes Pipe]

4. Ah'd lurve ta give ye five quid, mate, but I jus' cannae.

[Richardo]

7. Och, heeews up for a wee bit 'o haggis and some bonnie bagpipe music?

Beuller?
Beuller?
Where are ya, lad?

Traditional Haggis

1 sheep's pluck (stomach bag)
2 lb.. dry oatmeal
1 lb. suet
1 lb. lamb's liver
2 1/2 cups stock
1 large chopped onion
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper, Jamaica pepper and salt

Boil liver and parboil the onion, then mince them together. Lightly brown the oatmeal. Mix all ingredients together. Fill the sheep's pluck with the mixture pressing it down to remove all the air, and sew up securely. Prick the haggis in several places so that it does not burst. Place haggis in boiling water and boil slowly for 4-5 hours. Serves approximately 12.

I'll bet it serves more than 12. A LOT more.

[truthspeaker]

8. Ken I borrow 10 quid till next Thursday?

[GOPisEvil]

9. A Scot'll eat ennething if it's been batt'r'd 'n' fried.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

(WARNING - VERY GRAPHIC)

http://yumfood.net/recipes/deepfriedmars.html

[Richardo]

12. Sheep's stomachs - we'll eat 'em or play 'em...

Or both!