Scenario: What would you do. Porn stash found. (HYPOTHETICAL)

[FatSlob]

Your wife finds your 13 year old son's porn stash.

He's in the dog house, his porn is in the trash, and you have to figure out how to chew his ass off (to make her happy).


Now I happen to think this is sort of normal, as I remember having a couple of Playboys under my bed at that age. However, porn is clearly illegal for a minor, and can focus on some extreme sex acts that aren't mainstream, shall we say.

HTF do you discuss this without making him feel guilty and messing up his sex life forever?

(You have to chuckle because your son has pretty good taste.)

It's a HYPOTHETICAL

[htuttle]

1. Say, "Son, make sure your mother never finds your porn again"

:shrug:

[sui generis]

29. ditto /nt

[Feanorcurufinwe]

30. That's the best thing to say...

[Endangered Specie]

62. That, and help him 'rebuild' his stash... perhaps share some from your own

[Commendatori]

2. Is it Playboys he has, or is it something a bit more raw? (n/t)

[Commendatori]

49. Ah, it's since been declared hypothetical. Disregard, then. :) (n/t)

[7th_Sephiroth]

3. tell your wife

that its normal for a boy his age to have a few playboys

[Dookus]

4. Have your wife

beat him on the soles of the feet with a flounder while he watches the porn while he wears a cheerleader outfit.

It won't fix anything now, but it'll ensure an interesting sex life in the future.

[Wickerman]

5. Explain his interest in sex is healthy

but most porn is not. Objectification of women, raises false expectations of sexual activity, etc.

Let him know it is illegal for him to own it and you won't tolerate it - that you aren't going to jail (court with a fine, actually) for him.

But, again, let him know his sexual impulses are normal and ok.

[Nite Owl]

6. Say just what you just said.

It's normal but this stuff is extreme. It's fantasy so don't expect it and keep the stuff out the house or mom is going to get really, really mad.

[Kikosexy2]

7. Explain...

to the wife that it's normal for teens to be curious about female anatomy. If it's gay porn, well be happy he has a sex drive.

[Richardo]

8. What's wrong with making him feel guilty?

I don't understand that. There's no chance in hell it will "mess up his sex life forever".

Teenage boys are amazingly resilient in this area. I should know - I WAS one.

Final analysis: He'll just find a much better place to hide them. You don't have to tell him that, either.

[bif]

9. Tell him, if he needs porn, he can borrow yours

But not to have any of his own.

[FatSlob]

12. That's classic! Funny as hell.

[JohnKleeb]

16. thats what I did

I asked my dad, I asked my dad for alcohol until he quit drinking as well.

[BOHICA06]

10. Son, don't disrespect your Mom

and her house by bringing porn into it. Understand? No Questions?

Then pull the theoretical spanking routine, with the door close, where you & he determine what instrument would hurt the most by testing them on the furniture.

And leave it at that.

[JohnKleeb]

11. ooh a parental hypothetical

Lemme see, I'd get mad at the kid to please the wife but if the kid was good I'd buy him another one and tell him to hide it better. Yes, I am terrible, but if youre gonna have porn, hide it good for christ sakes or have trusting and respecting parents who are ok with porn.

[Old and In the Way]

13. I suspect I'll be dealing with the same situation in the near future.

15 YO's hormones are kicking in....

[Worst Username Ever]

14. You shouldn't chew him out

because it is normal at this age. Make sure you explain that it is normal _at_this_age_, you don't need a lifelong porn addict on your hands. It's normal to be curious, just make sure mom doesn't find it again.

Having dad acknowledge the porn will probably take the lead out of his pencil about the porn anyway. Not quite as fun once you've been
"outed."

[BOHICA06]

17. Hell having Mom

find it will do more .... talking from experience!!!!

[JVS]

20. Knowing that your parents have rooted around in it kills the fun

If they were to put it on his bookshelf it would be no good anymore. He'd need new porn

[FatSlob]

JOKE that goes perfectly.

A mother finds S&M porn in her son's room while cleaning and promptly calls his father at work. " dear, i found S&M porn in timmy's room what should we do ?".. The Father replies "Well, I know we damn sure can't spank him."

[JVS]

15. What did he have?

Why should you even talk to him? He's going to notice that the porn is missing. He'll figure out that someone took it and knows. Then he'll be plenty ashamed. He doesn't need an ugly confrontation about it, that's for sure.

[FatSlob]

19. It's a hypothetical.

Based on a discussion with a coworker earlier. My kid is a girl and is still a toddler.

[JVS]

21. What did your coworker's son have?

;-)

[FatSlob]

24. I can ask.

From the impression I got, it was Playboy type stuff, nothing real hardcore.

[melv]

18. first off, I wouldn't chuckle

I wouldn't want to give your son the old "rib, rib, nudge nudge, wink wink, boys will be boys" treatment. That is one of the fundamental problems with our society.

I would simply talk to him about safe sex (since he apparently wants to be doing it), using condoms and the like.

Now, as a woman, I would probably ask different questions of my son that a father might or might not think to ask. For instance:

--"why do you think this girl in the picture agreed to let herself be photographed and airbrushed in this way?"

--"Do you think this was her first choice as a career?"

--"do you think this photo is a realistic portrayal of women?"

--"do you respect this woman?"

and on and on...but hey, he's your son. Your choice.

[DaveFL99]

31. Take it from someone in the Strip Club Capital of the World

--"why do you think this girl in the picture agreed to let herself be photographed and airbrushed in this way?"
and
--"Do you think this was her first choice as a career?"


Might bring up monetary issues you don't want to discuss if the girl in the pics is making as much as the girls in this town.

[petronius]

41. "do you think this photo is a realistic portrayal of women?"

That was my Mom's approach, many years ago. Then she told me to read it, and decide on my own what to do with it. I got asked a week or so later what I'd done. I wasn't permanently cured, but it was something new to think about...

[tandot]

22. How about explaining to him that it is against the law for him to

have those magazines and that YOU as the parent could get in real bad trouble if anyone would find out. Isn't there some law about "contributing to the delinquency of a minor?"

Besides that, how did he get a hold of those magazines?

[hunter]

45. Calling John Ashcroft, calling John Ashcroft...

Are you serious?

Behind the blue curtain there are bare aluminium breasts...

[tandot]

48. Hell, I live in Texas where it is against the law to sell vibrators

People get arrested for that kinda crap down here...

If you have one of those nosy right-wing "Christian" fundamentalists in your neighborhood, she/he might have already contacted John Ashcroft. Just destroy the evidence and repent! :crazy:

[Burma Jones]

23. I'd ask why the hell he isn't getting his porn off the internet

Isn't that the Choice of a New Generation?

[JohnKleeb]

26. magazines still do the trick

Now how would I know that? heh, but really something about a magazine is
I dunno better than the internet.

[JVS]

32. I reject that choice! Digital is for gutless turds.

I am not going to risk getting popups and all kinds of bad shit on my computer because I'm not man enough to look the old grandma type lady at the adult magazine store in the face and say "The latest issue of Swank, please". Sure it's odd when they ask "would you like any toys with that?" and then send you on your way with "you have a good night", but nothing good ever came without sacrifice and I'd much rather have the weird meeting with the clerk than big problems on a $1000 machine

[JohnKleeb]

33. besides theres something about magazines that is just better

Yes, porn on the computer can cause problems. Now I think its easier to cover up that you were looking at porn online and its free but in a magazine its so much better quality photo. I remember my first porn viewing now that was great.

[JVS]

36. Wow, someone agrees with me!

Most people my age and younger think the computer is the way to go. But magazines are more portable. They have articles to read and reviews of the latest pornographic movies. They have special offers for more products within them to. Where else will you be offered 60 videos for $18.95. Also if one has a subscription, they can have the sleaziest coffee table offerings ever. Crucial to todays modern bachelor pad.

[JohnKleeb]

39. heh yeah I am traditional man

Yes magazines are better, I just love the feel of a new porn magazine delivered to me by the old man, its just so nice. Plus I have to admit, I like the little porn stories, I hate having to use my imagination because I am lazy and more often than not with porn online, its just a gallery with no story now in say a penthouse which is my personal fave, you get a nice lil story, and of course the letters heh, and yes reviews
and good political commentary as well. Say, you wanna put up a poll, internet porn, magazine porn, or TV porn, if I recall correctly my first porn viewing was a playboy with girls dressed up as Kiss, it was pretty fucked up and my first TV viewing was something called bedtime stories now those were good stories, heh I was happy.

[Burma Jones]

53. Let us not forget the amazing translations.......

Very funny english translations of Scandinavian porn.

[JohnKleeb]

54. yep, yep

[Endangered Specie]

63. Seriously, thats how I did it.

Its free and so much easier to get, and a helluva lot simpler to hide.

[DaveFL99]

25. Thank god that he doesn't have any pics of Lyndie England at work.

[JohnKleeb]

28. lyndie england? now thats bad jack-off material

[Beetwasher]

27. This Is VERY Normal

You have a real discussion w/ him about how to hide it better from his mom and you get it from the trash and give it back to him. Then tell him to look and act chagrined as if you just yelled at him.

[melv]

34. Can you tell us why it is considered normal?

To me it seems like young boys have missed out on something if they have to turn to porn to get their jollies.

I'm not sure what could be done as an alternative..and I know that young teenagers are going/have gone through puberty and are becoming obsessed with the opposite sex. Girls go through it, too. Shoot, I was boy crazy back then, but I didn't have the desire to pick up a Playgirl all the time.

While there is some merit to the saying "Women fall in love with their ears, Men fall in love with their eyes," I doubt this is what the original quotee had in mind.

Porn pics set an unrealistic and degrading example for women to strive for and for men to look for in a mate. Much the same way pencil thin models do.

[DaveFL99]

38. But did you ride horses ?

[JVS]

46. What's that got to do with it?

[KinkyDem]

50. If you have to ask

then you may never understand.

[JVS]

52. How could someone equate porno-mongering to a young girl's love of horses?

[BOHICA06]

60. LOL - right on ....

:yourock:

[Beetwasher]

51. 13 Year Old Heterosexual Boys Are Going To Want To Look

at nude pictures of women. It's normal. What else needs to be said?

They've missed out on something if they have to turn to porn??? What, you think 13 year olds should actually be getting laid??? Masturbation and curiosity is normal and HEALTHY at that age.

You're wrong about that quote, it's EXACTLY what is was about. Men and women's brains are wired differently and men ARE visual.

"Porn pics set an unrealistic and degrading example for women to strive for and for men to look for in a mate. Much the same way pencil thin models do."

A completely different discussion.

[melv]

55. dupe sorry n/t

[Beetwasher]

58. Well, It's Just Reality

And actually, IMO, it's a perfectly healthy reaction, so I'm not sure what you mean by "healthier". Porn exists and 13 year olds are naturally going to want to look at it...

Though I do think that any discussion w/ them about it SHOULD include the objectification/respect aspect....Busting your 13 year old w/ porn is probably a good time, if not before, to have that discussion. But I think it should be done in the context of "This is very healthy and natural behavior..."

[melv]

56. dupe sorry n/t

[melv]

57. no, not sex

and like I said, I'm not sure what. I simply think that looking at Porn pics shouldn't be the only answer for a 13 year old boy. Surely there has to be a healthier reaction than looking at anked pictures of women in sexally explicit positions, looking as though they "want it."

I agree with one poster that shaming and embarrsement isn't the way, either. That will likely just set them up for sneaking around for the rest of their lives, instead of growing out of it.

and about my quote:
"Porn pics set an unrealistic and degrading example for women to strive for and for men to look for in a mate. Much the same way pencil thin models do."

you said : A completely different discussion.


and to that I reply: no, not at all. It's all part of the mix. Kids need to understand what it is that they are *really* looking at, instead of just seeing the picture at face value. It figures into the equation of satisfaction, wouldn't you think?

[Beetwasher]

59. See My Post #58

n/t

[DaveFL99]

67. maybe it was ameteur porn

We don't have to assume the bar (or whatever) was set to high.

[slutticus]

66. LOL!!!!

"but I didn't have the desire to pick up a Playgirl all the time."

Are you kidding?!?!? I don't think 13 year old girls are in to playgirl magazine...

You just have no concept of what it's like to be a 13 year old boy, do you?

[customerserviceguy]

80. I acknowledge that porn raises false expectations

but at 13, any fantasies a boy has will also raise unsatisfyable expectations! (Ok, maybe I'm speaking too much about my own teenage years!)

I'd rather my son was just "taking matters into his own hands" rather than experimenting with real humans, a few of whom have diseases, and most all of whom can get pregnant. Is it exploitation of the women involved? Yes, but if they are adults, I consider them free moral agents who have the right to sell an image of their bodies. Don't we all sell our bodies (and minds) at work, anyway?

Clearly, in this case, the mom was offended by the porn, and the son should be taught to respect her wishes about this. Sometimes that just means keeping it under better wraps. It should also be accompanied by a discussion of what women dislike about porn.

[LoZoccolo]

35. Why are you letting her make you do this?

She seems to have the problem with it, not you.

[JVS]

37. is that avatar who I think it is.

How appropriate for this thread

[LoZoccolo]

40. He sets a new standard in investigative journalism.

Believe me, I kept thinking like "this is gonna look awful if I jump into this thread". But I put it up after some people were talking about how the investigative work in his new book wasn't getting traction.

[mikehiggins]

42. Can't we all just get along?

I'd just tell the kid not to have porn in the house. EOM.

As far as being angry at the kid for being born with testicles and all the hassles that come along with them (no pun), what exactly is the point?

Oh, wait. Might it be....SIN!?!?!?!?

In which case there's nothing to be said. The kid is doomed to burn in hell forever, so what's the point of hassling him now?

Or maybe the parents could grow up a little.

Just my opinion. My wife and I raised a girl and a boy and they seem pretty well adjusted. Of course we were willing to talk over whatever they wanted to discuss without preaching from Olympus. Maybe that's what made the difference.

[hunter]

43. My mom took only the crappy degrading stuff...

And she told me why.

I only had the crappy degrading stuff she found because, well, it was porn and before the internet how often did kids find porn?

Okay, I'd seen naked women before, especially since my next door neighbor liked to be tan "all over" and I could watch her just over our fence if I stood on a chair on in our living room, and then there was another older woman down the street who tried to seduce me once, but I ran away, yet nevertheless the image of her breasts is still seared upon my mind because her nipples were remarkably pink, unlike other naked women I'd seen before...

But anyways, my mom pretty much killed my porn collection by giving most of it back to me, since these were not the sort of women you'd want to be frolicking with naked in front of your mom, if you know what I mean.

I eventually married a woman who is so wonderful, I don't care if my mom knows we frolick. (Well, we have two kids, so it is sort of obvious that my wife and I have frolicked at least twice.)

Be honest like my mom was and your kid will be a virgin well into his twenties.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

44. First, you need to talk with your wife.

Because "chewing his ass off" will only make porn more appealing to him; especially when he knows (and believe me, he'll know) you're only doing it for her benefit.

You need to understand your wife's objections to porn, and then you need to sit down together with your son, and explain your feelings about it as a team. Sex is not something that should only be discussed by same-sex parents with their children.

As uncomfortable as it may be for your wife, she needs to be up-front (within reason) about the hurt that she's experienced from the objectification of women. It probably won't stop your son from looking at porn, but it will make him begin to understand the difference between sex fantasies and real life.

[JVS]

47. I know of kids who had to smoke a whole pack after being caught smoking

Thus the solution is obvious, buy the kid 20 times the amount that was found. That'll learn him. :-)

[bearfan454]

61. It's normal for teenage boys to look at porn.

They like to look at it. Some teenage boys beat off several times a day. My son used to spend hours in the bathroom.

[Endangered Specie]

64. Hell, this is a GOOD sign...

I would say 90-95% of teen boys have/look at porn, and you-know-what to it on a regular basis.


It could have been worse, the wife could have also caught him on his vinegar-stroke too.

I would punish the kid only for not being clever enough to hide it... I never got caught with porn or the associated acts, this will teach him good lessons in life.

[medeak]

65. been there twice

LOL...both sons were caught. It's natural...unfortunately today there is really sick porn out there.

We told sons that porn makes a beautiful thing become an ugly thing.

[arbusto_baboso]

68. True, funny, personal story (on topic).

In junior high, a buddy of mine and I discovered a HUGE load of discarded porn. Turns out this wealthy guy down the street was remodeling his house and had rented a dumpster, which was sitting in the street outside his home. As young guys will do, we climbed into the dumpster to see if anything in it was worth taking.

That's when we discovered LITERALLY HUNDREDS of old porn mags. These weren't your run of the mill Playboys or Penthouses either; these were hardcore European skin mags. They showed EVERYTHING! Lots of rather extreme bondage stuff, too.

Anyway, my buddy persuades me to hide all the stuff at my house until we can divide it fairly, since he has to find a place to put his share where his parents won't find it. I figured I was safe doing so; mom never snooped in my room.

Well, the very next day, after school, I came home to an extremely distressed mother. She was putting my laundry away (I hadn't thought of THAT!) and found some of the porn. So she looked elsewhere. And found more porn. She kept looking until she had found ALL of the over 200 hardcore European porn mags I had stashed in my room.

She was talking about putting me into counseling until my friend verified my story of what had happened.

[JohnKleeb]

70. wow y'all hit the motherload

Good find heh.

[arbusto_baboso]

71. Yeah, where are these finds now that I could KEEP the stuff!

[JVS]

72. I've seen stuff at the pawn shop, cheap too

But do you really want porn that's been pawned?

[arbusto_baboso]

73. Hmm. Pawned, pawed porn? Please, I'll pass.

[Endangered Specie]

74. I guess yall didnt think to dig a hole and hid it there,

wrap it in plastic bags, tie em up, and it will be safe and sound, if its gonna rain, tie em up good.

[arbusto_baboso]

75. 12-year-old boys aren't acquainted with rational thought.

It all happened too fast to think of consequences.

That's my story, anyway, and I'm sticking to it!

[Endangered Specie]

77. mmm nice Pun....

I sure hope you got that 'opprotunity'.


You also seem to have neglected the dangers of used porn.

[Book Lover]

69. Back up a step - a mom's POV

If the stash is Playboys, fer chrissakes, that is the tamest stuff available. I'd tell him nothing; I'd hide it again, however, I'd clearly rearrange the stack, to let him know someone'd been there and knows. He'll never say anything (or maybe he would. I hope I'm raising my son to not be afraid talking about sex to me or my spouse), but will hide it better, which is a legit point.

If it's more hardcore but still vanilla hetero/homo stuff, I'd do as above, but I'd also pull him aside for a chat, telling him that, just like I've told him before, adult entertainment is called that for a reason, and there is more going on here than just pictures. Plus that, at age 13, he is too young to understand everything going on, and that I want him to get rid of it.

If it's real fetish materials (e.g., diapers, ball-gags), then it would be a strong, disapproving conversation, as he would clearly be too young to understand those materials. I would only then bring up the illegality of his ownership of the porn. Then I would rid of it for him.

Full disclosure: For three years I was the art director for a weekly adult entertainment tabloid. By the time my son is 13, he'll know about this, and hopefully he'd be bored of my (age-appropriate) stories of working in the industry.

[onebigbadwulf]

76. Make it a win win situation

You two can spend the weekend making a lock-box for him to hide his porn in, discuss how to respect women, and make sure he never gets caught by the mom again all at the same time.

I am brilliant.

[JVS]

79. I had a friend who at the age of 7 kept all of his secret shit...

in a shoebox marked "Drugs" He had some smoke bombs, a knife, and half a bottle of loose tylenols.

[floridaguy]

78. You didn't actually let that trash go to the curb did you?

I'm guessing his issues are more current than your's, maybe? :think: