Straight DU'ers... Dispel myths here

[Dookus]

As an outside observer of heterosexual rituals, I've come to some conclusions that may or may not be correct. Can you set the record straight, as it were?

I've observed that:

Women always wear high-heels while having sex.
You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise.
Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work.
Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know.
Pamela Anderson - what's that about?
The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why?
Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet?
Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you?


I ask only in the spirit of camaraderie and fostering mutual understanding...

[jpgray]

1. Boob jobs are 99.9% nasty looking. (nt)

[trumad]

2. At least we don't like show tunes...

[arcane1]

3. I would add

a few more 9's to that :puke:

[NewJeffCT]

4. I've seen a few good ones

Granted, I inspected a lot of them going through a divorce. (And, it was after my ex filed for divorce... not before)

[Cush]

5. straight guy here: I'll correct/dispel two

Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work.

I don't get auto rating. Boring..... Now racing video games, well that's different (except for the ones where you just make left turns)

Pamela Anderson - what's that about?

One word: Overrated

[MikeG]

24. She has nice legs.

[NewJeffCT]

6. can't stand cars going in circles

and it's been a while since I've had a woman hear high heels during sex with me...

I wish I could figure out that stretch pants thingie.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

7. OK. Here you go.

Women always wear high-heels while having sex.

This woman doesn't. I've never had sex with a woman or asked another woman about what her sex-time footwear is, so can't help you here.


You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise.

Well, mentally reviewing my family and straight friends..you're right about this. It's, for me, mostly an excuse to get together and get loud.

Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work.

This has to be a sub-set of heterosexuals, probably correlated with gender. I hate racing. Of my five brothers, four love it. :shrug:

Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know.

No kids. No help here, sorry.

Pamela Anderson - what's that about?

Your guess is as good as mine. My brothers don't like her, either. :shrug:

The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why?

COMFORT. When I was 70 pounds heavier (pre-Atkins), I wore them a lot. At that size, you know you look terrible, so you might as well be comfortable.

Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet?

Only the Southern half of the family (dad's side) favors the mullet.

Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you?

Why pay $20? I have five brothers. :D

[mopinko]

8. children are all endlessly fascinating

fwiw, this ends abruptly with puberty. then they are cats.

[JohnKleeb]

9. my answers

Women always wear high-heels while having sex. (well a woman in heels is generally pretty hot)
You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise. (So I like my orioles, they my team who am I gonna root for, the fuckin yankees)
Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work. (huh?)
Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know. (because my son is just the cutest thing ever ;), ok I dont have a son but you know its a kid)
Pamela Anderson - what's that about? (big boobies and I honestly think shes decent looking but Ive seen better and dont consider her a crush)
The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why? (strech pants huh?)
Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet? (I dont have a mullet, the guys only wear that do as we go more towards west virginia, I like my near hippy hair thank you very much)
Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you? (I can do it myself!)

[chiburb]

10. Give that man a prize! Great stereotypes!!!!

[SheepyMcSheepster]

11. well....

Women always wear high-heels while having sex: my gf doesn't, at least not with me :D

You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise: don't follow any sports at all.

Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining: don't follow NASCAR, i think it is boring as well.

Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know: i am as annoyed with people's children as you.

Pamela Anderson - what's that about: dunno
The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why? dunno

Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet? Party in the Front, business in the back.

Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you? are you aware that you have to pay them more than it would cost you to do it, plus sometimes they screw things up by leaving things unscrewed, if i got the time and the money i get it changed by someone if i can.

[Beware the Beast Man]

12. That marriage needs to be protected from gay folks.

My wife and I have been married nearly a year now, and are marriage needs protection! Just last week some pesky homosexuals tried to forge divorce papers in our name and sent them to the clerk of courts! The HORROR!!!!

Two weeks ago, some lesbians broke into our house and tried to use sleep osmosis to turn my wife gay! HELP SOMEBODY PLEASE!!!!!

[Spider Jerusalem]

13. Let's see...

Women always wear high-heels while having sex.

None that I've known. Thankfully.

You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise.

Nope. I prefer watching/participating in individual sports to team sports.

Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work.

Screamingly dull. Although I will watch F1/Grand Prix races (on road courses, not oval tracks) once in a while.

Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know.

Have no children, want no children...

Pamela Anderson - what's that about?

Very bad taste on the part of a large number of men...bleached blonde hair, fake tits, and collagen-injected lips are disgusting, not attractive.

The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why?

You've got me...I am perplexed, as well.

Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet?

I don't and wouldn't, as I am neither a redneck nor a hockey player.

Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you?

Yep...and I use 'em...fifteeen bucks to get it done, or half an hour of getting covered with grease and crawling under the car...no contest.

[nickinSTL]

14. heh

Straight DU'ers... Dispel myths here

Edited on Thu Aug-05-04 03:00 PM by Dookus
As an outside observer of heterosexual rituals, I've come to some conclusions that may or may not be correct. Can you set the record straight, as it were?

I've observed that:

"Women always wear high-heels while having sex."

Hmm, you ask about the accuracy of representation of straight sex? Blasphemer! :lol

"You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise."

Yes, my cult is the Chicago Bears. :D

"Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work."

I've never gotten this one, myself. BORING...

"Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know."

I have no children, and currently no cats...but I'll show you my pic of the cat I had to put to sleep 3 years ago, and tell you stories about him ad nauseam.

"Pamela Anderson - what's that about?"

Beats me. I prefer brains and real breasts, myself.

"The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why?"

:puke:

that's disgusting. No one I know would be caught dead in stretch pants...or, at least, I hope not.

"Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet?"

Are you only looking at rednecks? I have a short haircut, and hate wearing long hair. Most of the guys I know also keep their hair short.

"Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you?"

Heh. Yeah. I use them, too. It's too much dang trouble disposing of the used oil.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. such a funnypost dookus!

[phillybri]

16. Here's a list of responses:

1. No on the heels thing. That's only in porno.
2. Think of it less as a cult and more like a childish club that not every can belong to.
3. I'm not sure what to do w/ this one.
4. I don't have kids, but I share your sentiments. Child worship pisses me off.
5. She's gross. I hate fake tits.
6. They can continue to grow and not have to buy new pants.
7. Ask some rednecks, Canadians, people from Wisconsin, and Barry Melrose.
8. Yup, and I use them all the time!

[olddem43]

17. I think I'll take a guess at the stretch pants question -

since no one else had an answer. Maybe it's because the larger the woman is, the harder it is to find pants of the right size. Too simple? Probably. While we are discussing stereotypes, I have a few questions of my own: Why do gays get to decide what everyone wears? Aren't there any straight fashion designers? A straight guy finds clothes he likes and buys them. A year later, they need replacing but, guess what, everything is different. Only pastel shirts are available, no striped ties anymore - only flower prints. Oh BTW, it's about time for French cuffs to return again - and tie bars. Next year it will all be different. Not necessarily better but different.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

18. Ahem.

Post 7. I had a personal-experience answer.

[olddem43]

20. sorry I missed that

[jmowreader]

19. Let me dispel...

Women always wear high-heels while having sex.

Damn skippy, and I've got the dents in my ass to prove it. Pisses me off no end.

You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise.

Trust me, Dookus: there's nothing small about those cults.

Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining. I suspect a form of hypnosis at work.

It is obvious that Dookus does not drink beer. Because if he did drink beer, he would know that you're supposed to set certain events during the race when you'll pop a top. Like when the race starts, when the race ends, when the guy you like gets turned around by the 20 car...You can easily start the race with a 12-pack and need another one before the checkered flag is displayed.

Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others? They're not cats, ya know.

It's not just children, apparently. I was driving down the street and saw six cars with "Let me tell you about my grandchildren" front license plates. I immediately went home and made a "If you tell me about your grandchildren, I will tell you about my rectal wart" front plate. Unfortunately, my wife caught me as I was attaching it to my car.

Pamela Anderson - what's that about?

Who hasn't wanted a girlfriend with a 72EEEEE cup size?

The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why?

When she goes from "fat ass" to "super fat ass" she won't need to buy new pants.

Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet?

How do you know they're men? Look at this photo...



Tell me this person doesn't look like a guy.

Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you?

Are you aware that these same places will sometimes keep your drain plug?

Are you aware that the "super vacuum pump" those places now use to get the old oil out of the car are in response to all the times they left the plug out of the car when they put the new oil in?

And are you also aware that when we change our own oil, we can be sure the plug has been reinstalled in the engine?

[petronius]

21. The last time a woman wore high heels in my bed...

...the stilleto tore a hole in my red satin sheets. Fortunately I spotted the problem while watching myself in the ceiling mirror before the rip got too bad. Still, I was a bit peeved, since I'd used up my last bottle of Drakkar just for her....

[KinkyDem]

22. My answers

Women always wear high-heels while having sex.

Not in my bed, big bitch boots and thigh high leather works too.

You seem to all belong to small cults worshiping a particular sports franchise.

Nope. No sports here. Just lots of sex.

Watching cars go counterclockwise for hours at a time is somehow entertaining.

Funny, all of the traffic circles in my neighborhood go COUNTER clockwise.

I suspect a form of hypnosis at work.

You know, I keep hearing about this working ... can you teach me how to hypnotize women?

Why do you think your children are all endlessly fascinating to others?

Cause he is!

They're not cats, ya know.

Never mind ... I won't go there, not even for a joke.

Pamela Anderson - what's that about?

Dude! I thought that was some queer plot to ruin todays youth.

The larger the woman, the more likely she is to wear stretch pants. Why?

As a poster child for those who should never be allowed to wear spandex in public I'm with you! Then again, I'm seen my share of gay men (mostly gay men and a few gay women) who also partake of this particuler perversion and I'm not down with it at all.

Why do your men wear a perfectly time-honored lesbian hairdo: the mullet?

We too must have someone to mock!

Are you aware there are places that will change your oil FOR you?

Heh! I can hire someone to have sex with too, it doesn't mean they can do the job right.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. hey, whats up?

hows life?