Who had to deal with more than the usual stuff during their teenage years?

[Skittles]

When I was 14, we were living in England when my dad tried to commit suicide; he was sent to a psychiatric facility in California for over a year. My mum, who couldn't drive and and never written a check, had to take all us kids back to the states. After living in a house for a while with no furniture and sleeping in sleeping bags (dock strike in New York), mum decided couldn't handle us all so I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle in Iowa. They were both alcholics with two babies but I felt so lucky to have a couch to sleep on. While I was there my aunt overdosed on pills in a suicide attempt.

I remember listening to my school peers talking about dating and football and thinking how easy they had it. I was always so tired and so worried. To this day when I hear teenagers whining in their rebellious ways ("my parents don't understand me") I just want to scream at them.

[trotsky]

1. Um, no contest.

I was going to talk about being picked on for the usual nerd stuff, but Skittles, you deserve major props just for turning out right. Now PLEASE DON'T KICK MY ASS!

[Skittles]

2. lol, I turned into such and empathetic person

I want to kick ass at the slightest sense of injustice. :)

[22181]

3. My mother would say "These will be the best years of your life"

To which I'd answer, "Then just kill me now."

My sister died when I was in the 4th grade. Then Dad was out of work, parents got divorced. Mom threw me out of the house (because I'm just like my dad). Lots of crap to deal with as a teenager.

Life got a lot better when I turned 18 and could control my world a little bit more. (No insane parents anymore.) I never really rebelled. Maybe I had a baby rebellion when I was about 23 (smoked and experimented with mj a few times). That was it.

[Skittles]

7. ya

when I was 18 I enlisted in the military and to me, basic training was like camp compared to what I left behind. Growing up like that kind of knocks the rebellion out of you. I want to tell teenagers IF YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT YOU HAVE IT GOOD.

[Maddy McCall]

4. God, Skittles...I am so sorry...

I know you aren't asking for sympathy, because you are a hard ass (now I understand why!). I, too, was going to talk about getting slapped by my father, or screamed at by my mother, for coming in at 2 AM drunk when I was 16.

My favorite author, Will D. Campbell, says that kids now days are spoiled...says they are obsessed with "being happy." He says that, when he was growing up, his concern was having food in his belly, and he never had time to think about happiness. Your situation reminds me of him.

Again, I am so sorry about your past.

[Skittles]

15. I never went hungry, I can't even imagine that

I blubber when I see those starving children on TV; it makes no sense to me whatsoever. There is simply no reason why anyone on this earth should not know where their next meal is coming from.

[eaprez]

5. Kind of an odd contest....

...my father succeeded in committing suicide - I found him at the end of a rope when I was 14. My mother - mentally ill - undiagnosed/untreated schitzo - who was mentally and physically abusive. She tried setting me on fire once. I went to live with step mother when I was sixteen - and moved out on my 18th birthday. Was in the streets for a while - homeless - during which time I was sexually assaulted. What saved me? I enlisted - spent 10 yrs in the AF.

[Skittles]

10. I know the pain, eaprez

my dad eventually succeeded too - he shot himself in the head and lived for six days.

I was an Air Force brat and I'm an Air Force veteran. Yes, I'd say they saved me too - I had no stability or direction whatsoever and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

[eaprez]

I forgot to mention that therapy helped....it was life changing for me.

[Skittles]

39. I have tried therapy but I simply cannot talk to strangers

I find myself minimizing everything

[redqueen]

42. It takes a long time to open up

Hard work... and you have to really trust them. Takes at least a year just to get to the real issues.

[Mara Steele]

6. I had chronic fatigue syndrome pretty severely...

No personal tragedies such as your own, however. Can't imagine what that must have been like, Skittles. :hug:

Completely agree with you about whiny teenagers. They always bugged me, even when I was a teenager. I was always so sad about things that were going on in the world, and had a serious disdain for the very priveleged and self-obsessed kids I knew.

[ceile]

8. Not quite as bad as your's, but...

I'm with you. My mom ended up with all us kids (3 teenagers and a toddler). We missed Xmas a few years in a row, even with her working 3 jobs and being an RN (thanks Reagan).We had some molestation come out in our family sending us girls in the family to counseling and anti-depressants. The glue holding our family together died suddenly in a car wreck and the family split in two. An aunt who was like a second mom and cousins I grew up with-gone. Still dealing with most of this close to my 30s now. I can't imagine your pain, but remember everyone has their own version of trials and tribulations. Teenagers these days have quite a deal more, and dangerous, peer pressure than in the past. Don't be so quick judge.
What brought this up, if you don't mind me asking?

[Skittles]

17. oh, seeing some teenagers on TV whining about parental internet controls

good lord, ya know? I do agree no one has it easy, but some of us had to deal with unbelievable pain.

[ceile]

20. True

But I work for the local mental health authority and for kids it comes in all forms, with devestating effects regardless of socioeconomic status.

[MuseRider]

9. Skittles

:hug: You turned out nicely!

My teen years were not a party, I was "just a girl" and my dad thought beating his kids was fun but it was nothing like what you just described.

[Skittles]

11. child abuse is horrific

nothing to be minimized. You turned out good too, sweetie. :hug:

[MuseRider]

14. Awwww

:hug: :hug: :hug: Thanks (blushing).

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. not as bad

but mother was almost an alcoholic. dad is sort of bi polar. they got divorced. my brother almost ran away from home (thankfully we found him before something bad happened). then i moved countries and there was a drastic change in socio-economic standards etc. and in my late teens i tried to kill myself...


:pals:

[Systematic Chaos]

13. Yeah, I guess so

Father had heart attack when I was almost 4, and died just before I turned 6. I had a very ineffectual mother who started blowing money like water and wasn't happy ANYWHERE we went. I ended up on two cruises to Hawaii and other than the shipboard children's activities and a helicopter ride into a dormant volcano my memories for those two 18-day cruises consist of nothing but shopping for Hawaiian-style clothing. She developed a horrible drinking problem and briefly remarried a guy who was a complete nutjob. The ONLY thing I can give him credit for is that he never physically abused me but he and my mother would stay up nights, drunk to the point of incoherence, yelling at each other until midnight or later. I moved long-distance a total of five times from 1976 to 1982 and my grades in school were horrible. By my late teens I was severely depressed and neurotic as hell, and it's taken me over 10 years to repair even a little of the damage.

It was fun. :eyes:

[Skittles]

18. OK I'm finding I'm not alone

there's a lot of pain out there

[redqueen]

16. I did, too

Incestuous dad who liked to beat me and my mom (but strangely, none of my siblings) at every opportunity. He molested the few friends we had too. Tried to kill my mom and threatened to kill us all on several occasions. Won't even talk about where we lived... too shameful.

Ran away at 16 for a year - spent some time homeless, but the cops brought me back. Then I ran away again.

Didn't really feel 'human' till I was in my early 20s.

[KinkyDem]

23. but strangely, none of my siblings

Are you sure? I mean sure sure?

It's not one I've talked to my brothers about much but I know what my dad did to me and my sister. I can only imagine what he did to my brothers, even if they would never talk about it or deny it.

Don't be so sure.

[redqueen]

26. That's true...

I was only talking about the beatings. He only beat me and my mom. AFAIK he only molested both me and my stepsister. And a couple of our friends.

As for molestation of my other siblings, they very well may be supressing it. One of my brothers denies my dad even beat me. He's my dad's favorite and so he's often on his side, rationalizing why he beat my mom and denying anyone was ever molested at all. It's painful and lately I don't just bite my tongue, which is how I've dealt with it before. The past two times he's spouted off about how 'it never happened' I've just about come unglued.

[KinkyDem]

28. It could also be guilt

in that they saw it but were powerless to stop it.

I felt powerless to stop it in my home. On the other hand I also turned in a friends father for doing it to her.

I ran into her years later and she gave me a big hug and told me that I saved her life. Little did she know the hell that I was going thru at home too.

[Hoosier Democrat]

19. No abuse here, but some tragic losses

Growing up, my father suffered from severe manic depression. Never knew from day to day wether he would smile at me or run me down. We lived in rural Indiana, so there weren't a lot of other kids around outside of school. Add to that being overwieght and an awkward teenager, and you get the picture.

My islands of refuge were my grandmother and my older cousin Marie. In the summer time, I would do everything I could to spend weeks with grandma, where Marie visited frequently. Grandma didn't drive, but lived in town, so we walked to the store and the pharmacy. if she needed a lift during the week, my great-uncle played chauffer. (Grandpa had died fairly young).

When I was 16, my world collapsed. Marie was killed in a car accident. No warning, nothing, she was just dead. I was like a zombie during her funeral, though I still remember every detail. After the funeral, grandma and I leaned on each other for support. The plan was that, after I got my driver's license, I would move in with her. We knew it would be best for both of us. Then, grandma died of a stroke one month befre I got my license. After her funeral, I didn't leave the house for one month and rarely left my room. It's been almost 20 years now, but I still feel those losses.

[Skittles]

22. *sniff*

bless your heart

[Ellen Forradalom]

21. Not quite in your league, Skittles,

but my adolescence was way far from typical. My parents were both miserable alcoholics who fought constantly, and my dad had severe, untreated manic depression. I spent as little time as possible at home after I entered high school, frequently spending nights at my brother's apartment or with friends. I moved out at 16, took two jobs (one as a Montessori classroom assistant and one at a restaurant) and finished high school through night courses at university and independent study. At 17, I moved in with a boyfriend and was abruptly kicked out a few months later.

At 18 I went away to a state university and encountered leagues of so-called normal young people for the first time. I couldn't fathom them at all. They despaired over passing their tests when all that was required was reading the book and showing up for class. Their only concern was getting drunk as much as possible. Strange.

[Bertha Venation]

24. here's my two cents -- no sympathy required

All I'll say is that my mother committed suicide two weeks before Christmas when I was eleven. That's enough.

Oops -- you wanted teen years! Mea culpa.

Damn, Skittles. :pals:

[Skittles]

25. no, we're not looking for sympathy

just a sharing bond, I suppose. Isn't it amazing how many wonderful DUers no only survived but became wonderful people? :thumbsup:

[Bertha Venation]

30. indeed it is

Great thread -- especially great sans sympathy. We are WAY beyond, "OMG I'm so sorry," aren't we.

[supernova]

27. Not a rotten family, but health issues

I missed the first month of ninth grade due to scoliosis surgery. Laid in bed for three weeks, pondered the many effects of morphine. After the surgery, I still had to wear a 25lb plaster cast for the school year while my back healed. I got lots of harrassment about it and lots of jokes about tipping me over as I walked down the hall because I looked like a mini version of the Michelin man. On the bright side, I was the first kid at Duke to try out the new fiberglass casts. Yay! I can take a shower!

In 11th grade I got endocarditis, probably from not taking penicillin during dental work. Endocarditis is a viral or bacterial infection of the heart valves. I didn't know you were supposed to take penicilling at the time. Again I missed about six weeks of school during the fall semester. I dropped down to about 85 lbs. My beautiful blonde hair fell out. I was so tired and feverish all the time I could barely stay awake. I stayed tethered to a penicillin IV for six weeks. Saw a bizarre collection of hospital roommates come and go. It delayed me getting my driver's license. I missed the only winning season the football team had while I was there.

I'm naturally shy around others anyway, but it was especially painful when I was a teen. These problems just made it that much harder for me to come out of my shell.

Mostly, I just endured it and waited for college.

[KinkyDem]

29. Here's the short story

Growing up my dad was a drunk. Beat my mom, raped me and at least my sister and probably my brothers too.

I was woken up on the day of my thirteenth birthday in the back of a van heading home from Florida and my grandfathers funeral where my dad got drunk and eventualy made a huge naked scene in my uncles friends house. That was the same night I found out that my mother hadn't had consensual sex with my father for decades ... as in years before I was ever born. Nothing like finding out at thirteen that your the product of rape.

When we got home my father was stringing lights on the christmas tree.

I spent most of 15 strung out on PCP. I won't say I was addicted, I allways hated the stuff but I hoped it would either kill me or give me the courage to do it myslef.

After my father moved out my brother took over the responsability of beating me.

Eventualy I dropped out of school and was thrown out of my mothers house at 17. I sopent several months on the street and got very sick. I still have permanent hearing damage from the ear infections I got hat winter. I was repeatedly refused medical treatment at hospitals because I was underage.

I haven't spoken to my father in 13 years. He has never met any of his five grandchildren (one mine, two my sisters, two my brothers).

There's more I'm sure but I don't like to dwell on any of it anymore.

[redqueen]

32. Sucks

I used to feel like a total freak talking about incest, but now I think the more people talk about it the less other people will feel like freaks.

If you ever do want to vent you have someone to listen... just PM me. I can relate.

[Demonaut]

33. Wow, and you still had the courage to bring a child into the world

That takes strength.

[Skittles]

36. yes, major courage

yes indeed

[Demonaut]

31. damn, I just had an abusive stepfather..you had some serious shit

to deal with, bty where in England?

[Skittles]

37. we moved all the time

London, High Wycombe, Bicester, Great Yarmouth, Peterborough, etc.

[Demonaut]

43. I lived on High Wycombe AFB, and in St Ives Hunts

[Cheswick2.0]

34. Lost my virginity against my will at 13

by a man who often told me that "no one would accuse me of being pretty". Well if I wasn't pretty there were certainly enough men around who liked my body. Because I was tall they didn't give a damn that I was only a kid. I learned early what my value was in a male world.

Other than that, lots of parental "recreational" drug use, and neglect. I had a sibling develop schizophrenia and watched my mother do nothing for her for months until she was screaming in hysterics one night that she was being burned alive by agents of the devil. I don't have to wonder what that agony would like I saw it played out in my upstairs hallway. I was 15 and it took me years to get over it. I was sure It was going to happen to me too.

Funny thing is that there were lots of good things happening too. I learned to love music and the outdoors because of my family. We are also very kind people. We read for pleasure and we have great intellectual and political discussions. We have incredibly funny get togethers. No one laughs as hard as we do most of the time we are together. It just goes to show that nothing is all good or all bad.

[Misunderestimator]

40. How very true that is...

I won't go into details about my childhood, suffice to say it was difficult and took most of my adult life to get over. After years of not speaking to my father, now we actually have a good relationship... and have bonded even more in our mutual hatred of Bush. (Though we still only see eachother every five years or so.)

I got through those 18 years by considering how much worse some kids had it than I.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

35. I met enough whiny teenagers while teaching college

When I'd interview them for study abroad programs, one of my standard questions was, "What's the most stressful thing that ever happened to you, and how did you handle it?"

Some of the students had suffered real stress, such as the death of a family member or a serious illness or escaping from their homeland under gunfire, but the majority of them were puzzled by the question. They'd have to think and say, "Well, I guess starting college."

Yet some of these same hothouse plants complained that they couldn't bother to read books or see serious movies or attend campus cultural events because their "lives were so stressful" and they "needed to kick back."

When I worked with street kids, I got a glimpse of what really stressed teenagers look like.

[Skittles]

38. I never ran away because I had to take care of my autistic bro

I could easily have been a street kid

[Nikia]

41. I had a stressful upbringing

I was born to teenagers who staged their own shot gun wedding. They divorced while they were in college. My parents were rather self absorbed and leaned upon my sister and I emotionally even though we were little kids. They also continued to fight and used my sister and I that way and punished us for stuff the other parent did. My parents both married other people when I was 10 and 11. This made things worse in all ways, especially with my mother/sepfather. My stepfather was abusive in all ways. My sister and I became his slaves and were never allowed to do normal preteen and teenage stuff unless it was a school scheduled activity. We were to always be seen working when we were at home. This included taking care of their baby who was born when I was 13. My sister and I changed more diapers than my haldf sister's parents did. My mother and step father fought most of the time, which included throwing things at each other, ehich we were expected to clean up after. Sometimes, my mother would just decide that we were leaving in the middle of the night. We always came back though. When I was a sophomore in high school, my step father's company transferred him. I decided to live with my dad. My mother gave me a hard time about this and even said things like I had to stay with her and support her emotionally because I ruined her life by being born. She also declared me dead to her.
I did well in school. I had to have lots of school scheduled activities after all. I had to do well to get away from all that. I had grandparents also who I felt loved by. I was able to be a child with them and they were good role models for me.
I am sorry for all of those who had it worse than me and all those who didn't have any pillars of support to help them grow up.

[greatauntoftriplets]

44. My mother suffered from major depression.

Not nearly as difficult as your upbringing, but my sophomore year in college, she barely got out of bed. My father and I coped as best as we could. I lived at home, but commuted to school from Chicago to Evanston and then to a 20-hour-a-week job in downtown Chicago.

[NightTrain]

45. Alcoholic dad, mentally ill mom, and extremely unpopular at school.

Suffice it to say, I miss neither my childhood nor my adolescence! :(

[SarahB]

46. Let's see

Dad tried to commit suicide when I was 12.
Parents got back together when I was 13, then split up again.
Parents remarried (got divorced when I was 6) each other a week after my mom's brother died when I was 14.
I moved cross-country when I was 15 with my mom to CT where my dad lived.
When I was 16, my mom went into a major depression that I think she's still yet to really get out of.
I spent the next couple of years getting told what a terrible person I was because I said they were dysfunctional and fucked up my life. I wasn't a bad kid at all. A little drinking on the weekends my senior year. When they found out, a month before high school graduation, their solution was to send me to rehab, cut me off, and that was it. I did graduate because the place had a school, but I'm not an alcoholic. I can't even handle more than 3 drinks without getting woozy and tired. It was their power trip thing.

Everything I have done, I have accomplished without them, but it did fuck me up. I was actually convinced for years, I wasn't pretty, smart, nice, loving or all these things my mother used to tell me I wasn't. I lived this whole life to be "perfect" almost to prove just how "good" I was. I lived the life she wished she could live, but I suffocated myself, trapping myself in my own dysfunctional marriage- afraid to speak up about major problems, worrying about his needs and the children's but neglecting who I was until almost (I say almost) I was an empty shell of a human being. Something happened when I turned 30 though. I snapped. First a post partum depression caused largely by a birth experience that was rough at best, but then I got stronger and said "I'll be damned if this is going to be me. I lost a lot of weight, rediscovered old passions, found a few new ones, went back to school, and decided that I was going to be who I was. My disapproving parents be damned. I was a beautiful, intelligent little girl and they saw only my faults, or my mother's perception of my faults. I don't need their approval anymore. :D