I was just told my cat has cancer and has to be put to sleep

[Heddi]

she has tongue cancer. the doctor just called and -- get this -- left that info on the fucking answering machine.

mark called me as I was waiting for my 11:00 blood draw. Naturally, I had a nervous breakdown right in the room and had to call in Eliz. to come and do the appointment.

i've never had to put a cat down before. I've had cats that were sick and died, and cats that just wandered away and never came back and cats that got hit by cars. But nothing like this. Nothing even remotely close to this.

So now all the questions--when to put her down? we don't even have a place to bury her.

she's going to be stressed if the doctor does it in the office. i dno't want her last minutes to be stressed. it's just as cruel to force her to endure stress at her last moments of life as it would be to force her to live so that we feel better..comforted.

what fucked up shit. I mean seriously.

If someone were to ask me what my feelings are right now...I don't know what I would say. Not anger. Not sadness. More than that. I feel like there's nothing inside of me but a cold blowing wind. Totally empty.

But I am sad. Horribly sadder than i've ever been. I feel for my husband and I know there's nothing I can do to comfort him just like there's nothing he can do to comfort me. I swear every 2 minutes I just start to cry and I know that if i don't pull myself to gether that i'll just never stop. deep mournful sobs. hyperventilation. i've been through that so far for the past hour.

is this what its like when a family member dies? how arrogant of me. b ut this cat was 10 years old. i've knwon her for 7 years. everyone else hated her. she was only nice to me and mark. she'd lay on me at night because mark didn't like her laying on his side of the bed. walk in the kitchen and mew mew mew for milk.

now she doesn't even eat anymore.

i feel so bad for her. she doesn't know what's going on. the worst thing i can imagine for her is the fear. i don't want her to be scared. i'm scared but i can rationalize it. she can't. she's just a kitty.


i think i would at least be more...something...if she had acted ill. if we 'knew what was coming'. if it was one of those inevetable things. but she's not ill. even last night she was playing with me on the floor while I was trying to sleep. she's not sick. she's not sick.

i can't bear the thought. we don't even have a place to bury her. where do we put her?

sebastian will be so lonely. how do you confort a cat and tell him about death and departure when he only understands 'milk'?

i just don't know what to do. here i am sobbing at my desk as i type this and i just don't know what to do. I'll feel okay for a minute then bam it's like someone just puched me in the face and gut and brain and heart all at the same time and the tears flow again.

now i know why you see women on tv in the middle east and they just wail at funerals. that's what i feel like doing. just wailing and never stopping. i can't imagine myself doing anything but that. how do yuo get over this?

and i deal with people that have cancer every day. every fucking day. my aunt even had ovarian cancer. but these women don't have to be put to sleep i guess. or the ones i deal with dont.

how odd the way things touch your life. and you'd think..or at least i thought for maybe 2 seconds that because i deal with it and i know about it and I do all this other tsuff with regards to cancer that some reason it would be easier. it's not. it makes not one iota of difference. death doesn't come easy. i'm sure that the most primitive human and the most scholastic human all feel the same way when the word is said. knowledge doesn't make it better. nothing makes it better or easier or nothing.

how does a cat get tongue cancer? she didn't chew tobacco or smoke. what the fuck?

[Lavender Brown]

1. Oh no

:grouphug: :cry:

I'm so sorry.

[grasswire]

2. hang on....hang on

Something you should know right now.

There are vets who will come to your home and take care of kitty in peaceful, dignified, compassionate surroundings. In my area, it costs about $75 to have that done.

[grasswire]

7. now...

...when my precious pal Chester died last Thanksgiving, I buried him in a big planter box. Because I wanted to take him along when I move.

Right now, that planter is filled with summer flowers, and Chester lives on through them.

You can also consider cremation.

But you have a lot of feelings to sort through before you get to that point.

Does it have to be done right away? Have you thought about getting a second opinion (if you can afford the expense)?

Be assured that there are plenty of places to share your feelings on the Internet and plenty of people who will walk this path with you. Losing Chester was heartbreaking. I know how you feel.

[Heddi]

10. how do you find them?

do I just call around in the phone book and ask?

Because i work at a medical facility my boss is going to call her vet to see if she has any options for us and if not she's going to talk to one of the dr's we work with (human doctor) to see if he could Rx something and come to the house.

she's feisty around people and gets very stressed out when she's otu of her element and i can't have her stressed then. she's going to be scared anyways i'm sure because i think the animals and people kind of know when 'it' is coming and i don't wnat her to be any more scared than she already is.

i wish i could suck all the sickness out of her. give it to me because i can handle it. i could do without a tongue. i could have a feeding tube and my quality of life wouldn't decrease but hers would and that's why thats not an option.

but this pain. this hollow--i can't handle this. kill me a million times and it will never compare.

i'm at work and thats where iw as when i got the news and i just dont know what to do because i don't know what going home will do. prolong? how can i look at her the same knowing that she's going to be taken from me i just can't. and her little step brother cat---we're all so helpless and there's nothing that no one can do for any of us.

death sucks

[LWolf]

15. I did this when I had to let my old dog go;

I used a vet that does both large and small animals, and she did a "ranch call." I couldn't stand the thought of my boy's last hour/s being scary or stressful, being carried back and forth from the car, in a strange, uncomfortable place. She came to us. I sat on his bed, he snuggled with his head in my lap, relaxed, and drifted off.

That was a decade ago, and it still brings tears to my eyes.

I lost a cat recently. You have my sympathies.

:hug:

[movonne]

14. Do you have a place to bury you little loved one in your yard..If not

you can have the kitty cremated. If the cat is not suffering you don't have to do it right away and wait until you think it is time for this.

[rocktivity]

3. My sister's cat was put down for the exact same reason

She kept Samantha alive as long as she was able to eat.

:headbang:
rocknation

[Liberal Veteran]

4. I'm so sorry....I have some advice though.

If your cat must be put to sleep, ask your vet if there are any OTHER vets who make house calls for this.

If so, use one.

Another thought is you are worried about burial, cremation is an option and you can keep the ashes in fancy urn.

Now that I have gotten over the clinical stuff, words can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about your news.

[Bogus W Potus]

5. So sorry Heddi

My prayers are with you

[LynneSin]

6. You can also get the ashes of your pet

My friend keeps the ashes of their beloved pet dog on the mantle above their fireplace.

Much love and hugs from Me, Abbott & Evita. I can't imagine what I would be like if I had to put to sleep one of my precious kitties.

:cry:

:hug:

[soothsayer]

8. So sad.... My sister spent $15,000 or more trying to save her cancerous

cat (a stray she had taken in) and he lasted a couple of years more, but ulitmately she had to have the poor thing put down, holding him in her arms. The vet came to the house to do it, which was nicer for everyone I guess.

You can get really lovely urns if you choose to have her cremated. My brother and his girlfriend had to put their 20 yr old cat down, at home again, and they are so happy with their urn.

I'm so sorry for you. That is such sad news.

[pmbryant]

9. That's horrible

I've had to put my cats to sleep before and it is one of the most painful acts I've had to do so far in my life.

One thing I don't understand: If your cat is truly not sick or in pain now, what is the urgency?

Also, while I don't want to kindle any false hopes, it might be wise to get a second opinion, to make sure there hasn't been a mistake or misinterpretation, before committing to anything final.

Best wishes to you and your husband, Heddi.

:hug:

--Peter

[Heddi]

12. The urgency is

that she has tongue cancer, and it's far back in her tongue so if the doc amputates her tongue, she dies b/c she can't eat or drink. He can put in a feeding tube but that's not a quality of life for a cat that you know...is active and a little shithead who likes to hide in my underwear bin and attack me when i'm looking for a pair of skivvies.

if we got a tube, it would be for us. not for her.

It's a long story, but on Tuesday we took her to the vet to get checked out b/c she was drooling and had stinkmouth. We thought it was an abcessed tooth or gum infection, but he said it looked like she had bitten nearly her whole tongue off. It was a huge laceration about 3/4 of the way across all the way near the back. He said then that it could be cancer but he had to send a biopsy to the lab.

So he stitched her tongue up and since Tuesday she hasn't really been eating b/c of the stitches.

She already looks like she's lot a shitload of weight. SHe was down to 8lbs on Tuesday and usually she's around 10 or 12.

It's urgent because I don't want my cat to suffer. She's not eating or drinking alot and I can't have her starve herself because it makes me feel better to have her around. And unfortunately I can't afford to have a second opinion. It cost us $400 to have the surgery the other day and that was way unexpected. But I'll keep that in mind and when I call around for vets see how much someone will charge us for a 2nd op.

thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

[pmbryant]

19. I completely understand

Losing that much weight that quickly is obviously not the sign of a healthy cat. Now that I know more details, I can see, sadly, that a second opinion may not be necessary.

:-( :-(

Peter

[Hell Hath No Fury]

11. So sorry to hear about that...

I have had to put so many of my "fur family" to sleep over the years -- it never gets any easier.

The last one was with me for over 18 years. He had a tumor under his tongue that was inoperable. It was very clear when it was time for me to take care of him -- it was weeks after the vet first told me before the time had finally come.

I too recommend asking a mobile vet come to your home. And I would encourage you to be there for your pet at the very end, holding them and telling them how much you love them. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, but I feel it is the last loving thing you well be able to do for your cat and a show of just how much their presence in your life has meant to you.

As for wailing, go for it. When I have had to say goodbye to my loved ones, I make no bones about crying like a banshee in front of the vet. And I'll continue to cry and I feel I don't need to anymore.

[Jo March]

13. It will be difficult but you can make it "safe" for her

See if a vet can come to your house. If not, then make sure that you have someone to drive you home from the vet for after.

My precious Patches had to be put to sleep due to liver disease. She was 13 and I loved her immensely. It was Dec. 23rd, 1998. It was bad but here is the thing:

Patches couldn't stand up or eat. She was in pain. She couldn't sleep. She would look at me and I just couldn't explain to her why, you know?

The vet let me hold her the whole time and it was as if she fell asleep in my arms. I scratched her chin and kissed her and she managed a little purr. I stroked her furr and talked to her to let her know I was there. I nuzzled her into me and held her until it was over. The vet let me hold her as long as I needed. I know that she felt "safe" there in my arms, wrapped in her little blanket.

-- Oh, I am crying as I type this! I am so upset for you! --

So, if you have to take her to the vet, get someone to drive you home. You will be too upset to drive. Take the cat's favorite toy or blanket with you. Hold her close to you. Love on her as much as she will let you.

My heart breaks for you, your kitty and your family. I'll say a little prayer for you.

[Heddi]

17. I'm crying too....

I jsut can't bear the thought. I can't bear it.

And she acts fine....but she's not eating. I can't let her starve herself, or dehydrate herself just so she can hang on for a few days longer. That's utterly utterly cruel and just not even an option.

I imagine that she's going to need to be put down no later than Saturday because no vets are open on Sunday and I have to (HAVE TO) go out of town on Monday and I can't have her linger on, again, for OUR convenience when she's the one who's suffering and hungry and thirsty and can't do nothign about it.

this is just bunk. pure bunk. this isn't the way it was supposed to happen. I have another cat whos lived with her his whole life and i'm so sad for him because i can't explain to him why she's not there and you know he's going to notice and here we are two people and two cats who are all four individuals , you know, that none of us have the means necessary to comfort the other ones.

maybe this is a sign that i need to stop smoking, although right now i'll tell you a big fat marlboro light sounds so good. just to sit outside and smoke and cry.

this is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to do. this sucks.

[commander bunnypants]

16. so sorry my friend

look around the book for at home vet care.. and your kitty will have lots of DU kitties waiting for him

DDQM

[wickywom]

18. A year ago..

I had to put down my cat of 13 years--( she was with me thru high school -college-marriage-- first house)--she developed kidney failure.... I could have prolonged her life with daily injections and dialysis..
My advice is only think of her happiness...is she going to suffer--
If you do it....
Call and ask about the procedure, . take your time .. visit as long as you need to
Go in and PAY FIRST.
I took mine outside in the sun to say goodbye.
They gave her a shot - same as for surgery.
It was important to me that I was the last person she saw.
She slowly went to sleep--( don't be alarmed the eyes will probably be open.)
That was all i could take and i sobbed my way to the car.
The vet will then give the lethal dose.
It's very hard and it SUCKS...
period.

[ronnykmarshall]

20. Oh god, Heddi I'm so sorry.

1st off, your vet is a jerk to leave that message. Our vet was so good with us when Mickey was sick.

My advice is this. You can't let her suffer any longer. It's for the best.

We had to put Mickey down at the vets. He actually was passing away on his own. I couldn't be in the room.

As far as burial, we had Mickey creamated. You can keep the ashes (they come back in a small paint-type can) and scatter them when you feel right doing it.

I know how hard this is. Just writing about Mickey and think about what you are going through tears my heart out.

:hug:

[jukes]

21. Heddi

i've been through this many times. it's very hard, & you have my complete sympathy. i cry every time.

if she can eat, crush a benedryl & add to treat food. if not,try mixing w/ milk, tilt her head & use a needless syringe or eyedropper.

1 hour before if mixed w/ food, 1/2 if injected.

this will calm her pretty well.

if you have Valium, 10mg, same procedure. works better.

if you have no place or inclination for burial, vet can contract crematory for you.

i wish i cd say something soothing, but only time will heal.

:cry: :hug:

[ProfessorGAC]

22. That's A Bummer

We had two that had to put down when we could no longer control their diabetes. (They were litter mates, so it must have been in the genes.)

We had each about 14 years (or a little under that), and it was a drag.

I hope you get through this quickly. I know it helped us to get new kitties in as short a time as possible. Maybe that'll help for you, too!
The Professor

[serryjw]

23. I'm a Buddhist

and I think about this all the time. My furry son will be 16! next week. he is doing well but at that age anything can happen.
As a Buddhist; i believe death is part of life. You had a great life together. Love her enough to give her a beautiful death.
I agree if possible have someone come to the house. Play beautiful music, light candles and have a nice goodbye while she is in your arms. She knows she is sick. Give her 'permission' to go in peace....that is the humane thing to do.

I will also light a candle for her.:grouphug:

[commander bunnypants]

25. That is what I did on the sun porch

Lit some candles, played George Harrison. The sun was shining and he went to the other side inpeace..

DDQM

[serryjw]

29. Namaste..........

[lynx rufus]

24. Please do not delay what is best for your friend

Cats are masters at hiding pain.
Do not wait until the pain is apparent.

Since 'there is nothing so pure as the love of a cat' -
perhaps there is nothing so purifying as grieving that loss.
I still grieve sometimes over cats put down six or seven years ago.
I think this is OK.

[RhodaGrits]

26. The majority of patients, human and animal if left to "nature's course"

die of starvation and malnutrition. It sounds like because of the location of the cancer she's already at that end. It is her time to die and there are not really any options for you but to accept it and do what you can to give her a "good death" (which is the meaning behind euthanasia). I'm not saying don't grieve - I'd be wailing if I were you. But you need to do what you need to do for her first.

If you can get a veterinarian to make a house call that would be ideal. Talk to the doctor - but if she were my cat, I would give her a sedative intramuscularly first to relax her. I would do this if she were in my office or in a home situation. The doctor will need to access a vein to give the drug IV. It can be difficult to get a vein for access on an older sick, dehydrated small cat in the home environment with typical poor lighting and more challenging restraint (and the cat having an advantage because it is on it's own turf). This is why you should discuss sedation when you make the appt. She can become relaxed while lying in your arms there at home or if necessary at the vet's. The euthanasia solution is usually a massive overdose of barbiturates. They lose consciousness and go to sleep as they would for a surgical procedure except that the massive overdose causes brain death and then respiratory and cardiac stoppage in a matter of minutes. The muscles are the last things to go and there is sometimes a "last gasp" as the body tells the brain "do something!" It is humane and she will not know - it is a lot harder on the people that love them and are aware of the passing of life in many ways.

Heddi, quit smoking. Cats can get damage from second hand smoke leading to the same problems as human smokers. You don't want to die like she is - even if your smoking did not contribute in any way to her current disease... You are at risk for oral cancer by smoking. It is NOT a good death and euthanasia will not be an option (legally at least). Let some good come of this tragedy. I assume she has a squamous cell carcinoma but none of the malignant oral cancers of cats are good.

Cancer occurs because accumulations of genetic damage over a lifetime, genetic predisposition and environmental factors. None of that can be altered now. You cared for her and loved her and now you are going to give her a gift that is painful for you - a kind and loving goodbye.

I doubt very much the human M.D. will risk his license to dispense something for the cat - and if he does... don't do it. You don't know if it will be something appropriate and correctly administered. Veterinarians have to do this routinely, M.D.'s don't. She would be better served going to the clinic and then being sedated before euthanasia. If you do do this at the vet's office, I agree with the person that recommended you get someone to drive you home after.

You have my heartfelt sympathy.

[Heddi]

27. Thanks everyone for your thoughts

I'm way too drained right now to thank you all personally, but I do appreciate all the words and thoughts I've gotten in this thread. Please know how much this all means to me.

[sleepyhead]

28. Heddi - so sorry.

Oral cancers are always bad news in cats. Please remember that it is not your fault in any way. Cats are very stoic and won't let you know about their discomfort. I agree with the others - do see if you can get a vet to come to your house, or if that's not possible, maybe you can get a strong tranquilizer to give her before going to the office. Your other cat will grieve as you do, but cliched as it sounds, time will heal both of you. Euthanasia is one of the most difficult things we have to do, but it is also one of the most humane. Allow yourself to give in to your sorrow for as long as you have to, and then let your fond memories of your baby erase the tears. My thoughts are with you.

[Heddi]

30. Update for everyone -- again, thanks for thoughts

We checked into home euthanization, but everyone was booked up until next week---by next week, she's going to be very dehydrated and very hungry. That's just cruel.

SO we talked to our vet, and knowing how feisty she is, he's Rxing a (as he put it) "Potent Sedative" that we're to give her an hour before her appointment.

We take her on Saturday at 1:00, and then we take her to the crematorium at 2:00 on Saturday, and we'll get her ashes back in about a week.

Doing this seems...right. I'm glad our vet was very sympathetic and rx'ed the tranq---I just couldn't bear for her to be scared or nervous or whatever at the end. That's just too much and not a thought I"d want to live with.

Everything we've read has told about the aggressiveness of tongue cancer in cats. It's just so odd. I guess when I think of oral cancers, I think of smoking-related diseases...she's never smoked OR chewed tobacco (that I know of... :) )

This is just way too much. NOT at all how I expected to spend this Thursday. I just wanted to, you know, see my patient, eat some lunch, and come home around five-ish. I never ever ever ever dreamed that this is how the day would go.

I think she knows. Or she knows its time for her, regarless of our decisions. This is so hard but it's so necessary, you know? I can't let her suffer, but damn....

you know, I always hung on to the thought..>I think we all have it...that death will come swiftly, quietly, and will just be easier than it is in real life. Like, my cats were supposed to live FOREVER...other people's cats died, not mine. Other families have trauma, not mine. Of course it's unrealistic , but you know how the mind works.

I do thank everyone for their kind words and support. Iv'e never had to deal with anything like this before. ANd I think its esp. painful because we have to plan it...it's not something that's just happening...it's continuing to happen until Saturday.....prolonging the inevetable.

gah. me need beer. and asprin....

[0007]

31. I know the feeling.

You have my best.

[Don_G]

32. Can you afford to get a second opinion?

That was very heartless of the vet to leave the message on your answering machine. You have all of my sympathy and I don't know how a Cat can get cancer of the tongue but I would suspect that it might have been heredity.

:hug: :cry:

[SOteric]

33. Oh Heddi, I'm so very sorry.

It's especially painful to deal with the choice to let go of a beloved little companion who's in pain.

I had to put down my own little Romeo just a few months ago owing to his late stage kidney failure and advanced age. My vet came to my home and Romeo was cuddled in my arms, weak but purring and dozing sporadically. He gave him something just to relax him and make sure he slept, waited while I wept a bit and then gave him the injection which sent him off in peace.

After more weeping, the good doctor carried him off in a box I'd prepared. For a quite modest and reasonable fee he sent my little buddy's remains to be cremated. They were returned to me a short while later in a small, tasteful little wooden box with his name engraved in a gold plate.

I scattered most of his ashes under his favourite resting spot, a camillia bush.

My vet is up in Mukilteo, - but definitely worth the drive. If you'd like his name and contact information, pm me and I'll send them.

Again, I'm so sorry that you and your little friend are facing this. It's very, very hard, but in the end you'll know you've done the right thing. As much as I hated to let him go, I would have hated even more for him to suffer in quiet agony.

[Bertha Venation]

34. Heddi, I am so sorry.

:hug: for you and :hug: for the sweet kitty and :hug: for everyone.

When the time comes, make sure you have her favorite bed or blanket or toy or whatever, and hold her. Speak to her. Pet her in her favorite ways. Don't let them do it without you (and your husband) in the room.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could go with you. :hug: