My wife left me 9 months ago, and she is here now clearing...

[Gothic Sponge]

her stuff out of the basement. I hate this! I was madly in love with her, and she told me out of the blue that she doesn't want to be married anymore. This bomb was dropped on me right after she came back from a 2 week business trip... Now, it's like seeing a ghost!

I know i'm going to sound melodramatic, but i will never allow myself to fall in love again!!!! :cry: :grr:

[Cha]

1. You poor thing..Love Hurts!

My empathies to you.:pals:

[movonne]

5. I don't think love hurts ...only when someone you love does not

love you it hurts...

[Dookus]

2. Sorry to hear it, GS...

I know how difficult it is. When my ex left me, I said the same thing. I was wrong.

It sounds like a platitude, but it DOES get better. You just have to believe me.

[ronnykmarshall]

9. You are so right.

When my ex and I broke up in 1997, I never thought I'd fall in love again. I didn't allow myself to do so for year.

Just like the old "Candid Camera" theme ..... When you least expect it..... !

GS, take care and love yourself. You'll get through this. It hurts, it sucks, but it DOES heal.

:hug:

[Liberal Veteran]

3. Time heals all wounds. Don't give up on finding love.

:)

[Fovea]

4. Get the last of her stuff out of your life

and you will discover that you can start patching the dented spots.
And good luck on the never fall in love again promise. I made it just before I met the woman I have been with for 8 years now.

[traco]

47. I made that promise almost 3 years ago

and I am still single and loving it!

I have my children, my pets and my self respect.

[Maddy McCall]

6. Didn't she do this to you a couple of months ago???

I thought I remembered her coming to your house to clear her stuff out a couple of months ago.

Tell her to get her shit and get it out, that you have provided her storage long enough.

It sounds like this is her way of torturing you, if you are the person who posted this a couple of months ago.

Tell her to rent a storage unit and take all her stuff to it. That way, you won't have to be subjected to this slow torture.

[Gothic Sponge]

8. *Sigh* Yes, that was the stuff from upstairs she took.

Now she's in the basement. I've been trying to play nice, because i don't want this to be a fight. I want to keep it diplomatic.

[Maddy McCall]

10. You are a good guy...

I am sorry you are going through this. My best to you. Don't let her take advantage of you, though.

:hug:

[Spiffarino]

16. Dude, flush her out of your life

My ex kept coming back. I finally got all of her crap together and stuffed it into a corner. The last time she came by I said, "Either you take it now or it goes in a dumpster." She looked like I just shot her and we did get into a fight, but she got the message.

Clear her out of your life. Start fresh. Hang out with good friends and laugh at all their stupid jokes. You'll get better and you'll find someone who deserves you more than she did.

Peace.

[Maddy McCall]

18. Gotta agree with this advice.

Nothing better than good friends to cure the lovesick blues. ;-)

[Tom_Foolery]

26. This is excellent advice...

Why be nice to her when she WASN'T nice to you? One other thing is to live a successful life. This pisses them off more than anything. She's enjoying the fact that you're still brooding over her. Buddy, I've been there; so good luck!!

[fudge stripe cookays]

7. Aw GS I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

You are such an attractive guy. Don't give up on love. I think we've all been there once or twice. But I'm sure there's an amazing lady out there for you (maybe one who's going through her own hell right now), and someday it will just happen when you're not expecting it.

Please take care of yourself during this rough time. We're thinking about you.

FSC

[Spiffarino]

39. You, FSC, are an attractive gal.

Saw your pic and you are very easy on the eyes.

I, on the other hand, am rather beastly to behold. But the wife says I'm good to the kids.

[fudge stripe cookays]

43. Thanks, g.

{Ack! I sound like a rap singer!}

Not so easy anymore, I'm afraid. The somewhat aged picture is a ruse to keep Agent Mike off my trail. But you can see the potential!

I'm nice and padded and boring now. But thanks for the compliment!

And hey-- it's the kids that matter. I'm glad you're such a great dad!

FSC

[Spiffarino]

44. What? Life is too short to spend it with skinny supermodels!

I mean, look at Ann Coulter (not too long kids...you'll turn to stone). Who'd want to hug that bonebag?

My wife lost a lot of weight a year ago, so I tried to tempt her with fine chocolates to get her back to where she was when I met her. I liked her just fine, dammit! Then she tells me, "I'm not doing this for you. It's for me." Well, that iced it. She's happy, and that's what matters.

BTW, if I were putting a little weight gain powder in her morning breakfast cereal you wouldn't tell, right?

[fudge stripe cookays]

61. As long as it's not too much.

You're a very naughty boy!

[Spiffarino]

62. Ow!

I've been pegged!

[jukes]

11. Gothic_Sponge

this is a really shitty act by her. sorry you have to deal w/this & very unfair of her to delay this long.

you shd make it perfectly clear that everything goes w/ her now or goes to the dump. IF you can talk to her at all, & i wdnt fault you for not being able to. will be damn hard to keep your cool.

[olddem43]

12. Been there, done that - The only remedy -

is another woman. You've felt sorry for yourself, now get out there and find one. There's enough to go around.

[VoteDemocratic2004]

13. I guess they are like pets right?

You lose one and you go and pick another one up right? Is it that easy because if it is then why are so many people hurting when someone dumps them. It's very hard to get over someone that you love and move on to the next person but sometimes you have to do it.

I have a date coming up on Saturday with a new man. Wish me luck!

[jukes]

20. Good luck!

the stones said "they come & go, just like streetcars." wish THAT were true! everytime i tried a quick rebound, i regretted it.

sounds like you're past the hump, & ready for another try. have fun!

[olddem43]

29. No, it isn't easy but it's an absolute necessity if you're ever

going to recover. Good luck with the new one - If it doesn't look like it will go anywhere -give me a call.

[NewJeffCT]

60. Agreed - I've been there & done that as well. Date as much as you can!

Though, I was not blindsided as badly as you. We were great as boyfriend/girlfriend and even as fiance/fiancee... however, we had a few bad breaks right after we got married and she never really recovered. She refused any counseling, and if I tried to comfort her, I was accused of smothering her and she wanted space. When I gave her that space, I was accused of being distant. I was hanging on in hopes that things would get better and always held out hope. And, I was still hurt when she officially filed for divorce. Luckily, we had no kids. And, she told me I was lucky she didn't max out all the credit cards.

However, I got out there and started dating like crazy. All those hot young college babes that used to think I was too nice when I was in college were suddenly (and surprisingly) interested in a guy in his early 30s going through a divorce. There were also plenty of women out there in similar situations to mine. I dated a veritable United Nations of women of all different shapes, sizes & colors.

So, I went from a nice, shy guy who didn't date much prior to marriage, to a disastrous marriage & divorce, to a guy who practically needed a scorecard to keep track of his dates. Heck, I did something I thought I'd never do when I was in college - I actually turned some women down that wanted sex because some of them were going through tough divorces and I felt like I'd be taking advantage of them...

But, all that dating really helped me out. Well, that and a lot of lap dances at a local strip joint. ;=)

(And, the strip joint helped me learn how to say "no" to women, something I was not good at with my ex-wife and previous women I had dated. If you don't know how to say "no" in a strip joint, you will go broke fast.)

[Cheswick2.0]

14. Cut her off, cut her out of you life

Take it from someone who has been there, being nice is not going to bring her back and you will never heal if you continue to see or talk to her.
Cut her out of you life. She is not giving you the love you need and deserve.

PS...two week business trip and she doesn't want to be married anymore....hmmmmm. Either there was/is someone else or she fooled around on the trip and figured even that was more fun than being married. Let her go and stop wasting your love on this person.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

15. I'm so sorry for you!

From a mystic's standpoint, if it will give any comfort: the heart must be broken for it to grow.

I knew a fellow who was shafted by a wife he loved. He said that he felt so bad, he could convince you that there is no gravity-the reason we don't float off the planet is that life sucks. His heart was broken. It took him a while, but he found his spiritual path. And then, one day, he looked into the eyes of his soulmate. We've been together 15 years.

I sincerely hope that your heartbreak will lead you to soul-fulfilling happiness. Know that it can happen!

[smirkymonkey]

23. That's beautiful, and I also believe it's true.

Gothic Sponge: Sorry to hear about your situation, but it takes time to heal. For now, try to limit your exposure in order to refrain from opening the wound every time you see her.

From personal experience, I think that there was a reason for every relationship/breakup in my life and I have grown through all of them. I now look back at them with amazement, along the lines of "What the hell was I thinking!"

If you look at each setback and heartbreak as an opportunity for spiritual growth, I guarantee you will emerge much happier in the long run. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Just be kind to yourself right now and avoid the things that will remind you of the good times.

Best of luck to you.

[Hampsterfoot]

17. god..

Don't even get me started... I'd slow all the DU servers to a grinding halt with the novel I'd write. I'll sum it up with, love hurts.

[jukes]

21. hello, Hampsterfoot!

welcome to DU!




:hi:

[VoteDemocratic2004]

19. It's hurts terribly and my heart goes out to you

Think of it this way at least you are allowing her to pick her stuff up and you won't be bothered by her ever again unless you have kids together.

I just broke up with a very abusive man and I feel like a new person again. He won't allow me to pick my things up and he refuses to give my them back. I am a student right now I will need my coat this winter and I would love my sentimental things but it's better to write him off and move on.

You will find someone else that will treat you like a human being and not mess you around and lie to you.

I have a date with a new man next weekend and I feel like I can move on now.

[bearfan454]

36. Have the cops go over there with you.

He cannot keep you from getting your stuff.

[catmandu57]

22. Man, take the advise

get rid of her stuff, either she rakes it now or the garbage truck takes it next trash day. You didn't say if you had officially cut the ties, if not get a laywer and get it done. This person did you shitty, and would again, been there, I'm not going back.
I was in and out of three relationships after the one I was in love with done me shitty. The fourth one took, and she runs circles around the other one, don't give up, but don't be in a hurry to replace her, give yourself sometime, get drunk, get mad, but don't lose yourself.

[Spiffarino]

40. Yes, take the advice

I jettisoned the ex and within three years was married to the woman I plan to grow old with. I have never been so happy to be with another human being as I am with my wife right now. We just hit ten years, yet it seems like ten months.

Your friends can hold you together until the hurt wears off, and it's apparent you have lots of them!

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

24. And you're so damn cute!

How COULD she??????

See you need MY kinda cheering you up. But I was being serious. You are a total cutie. Someone needs to come over and bake you some cookies and hand you tissues while you listen to some Van Morrison and just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk her right out of your heart.....

Poor guy.

:hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

42. See?

The two best lookin married ladies in the DFW Metroplex are ready to come over and bake you cookies, so you are a catch.

Please know that things will get better.

In a few years, you'll look back and think, "What did I see in her? I'm so lucky to have met {insert amazing new woman here}."

Honest. Moonbeam and I should know.
FSC

[WoodrowFan]

25. can you lock her in?

seriously, I am very very sorry. I had a girl do that do me years ago. I thought we were going to get married than WHAM. She said she was seeing someone else....

It did get better, took a couple years, but it did.. In the meantime hang out here with us...

[Mara Steele]

27. So sorry, Gothic Sponge!

:hug:

[Wheelie_Alex]

28. Dude, I know it hurts but here is some perspective,

My then wife and her lover hired a hitman to kill me. He chased me through the house until I was able to make it my guns and shot him twice.

I did not know she was responsible for this until a year later when I was presented evidence, confronted her and she reached into her drawer (she was brushing her hair at the time) and came out with her pistol. I managed to disarm her (had to smash her face into a mirror, not that I would hit a woman but this was life or death) and push her out of the house. She then smashed her Suburban into my Corvette four times.

Sometimes Dude, love is not enough. Say that until it sticks, "SOMETIMES LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!"

[Chomskyite]

31. Wow

Not even Tony and Carmela got that violent when they broke up! But then Carmela isn't a psychopath.

[prolesunited]

32. Very interesting

Is this the same wife you fucked recently because you were hard up? Aren't you afraid she might kill you? Or maybe you were holding a gun to her head while you did it?

You sure lead a colorful life. :-)

[Bunny]

33. Yeah, and he probably did it in his Hummer!

It's a babe magnet, don't you know? ;)

[prolesunited]

34. LOL!

Zing! :toast:

[VoteDemocratic2004]

50. Scratching my head on this one

Sounds like Goodfellows but I like the part about her going to get her brush and coming out with a gun.

Why didn't you call the cops as soon as she stepped into the front door?

[Maddy McCall]

59. No doubt. Sounds like "War of the Roses" to me.

Egad! Talk about relationship problems! :silly:

[flamingyouth]

30. I'm so sorry

:hug:

[skygazer]

35. Never say never

But I know how you feel. After my last big heartbreak, I stepped back from the whole thing. It wound up being pretty nice. Oh, I dated now and then but nothing serious. I discovered a lot about what I'm like when not shackled to another and found that I'd suppressed a lot of my self in my former relationship. When I was least expecting it, and not looking for it at all, a fabulous guy walked into my life and has been there for 3 1/2 years. And I do love him. What a surprise!

Chin up, Gothic and hang in there.

[ScreamingMeemie]

37. You may allow yourself someday to fall in love again GS.

Give yourself time to heal. Reflect upon the good memories and hold them close. Somewhere out there may be the girl that will make it all the way with you. It's gonna be okay.

:hug: Laura

[jackieforthedems]

38. There's More Fish In The Sea

Smile regardless. :hug: It's her loss - you sound like a nice guy!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

41. OH SHIT - GS - I had no clue!

That is so horrible. Man, I hope you can find it possible to feel safe enough to love again - sincerely! My life has been full of failed marriages and divorces so I've seen this sort of thing before (no one can ever truly feel the experiences of another). I offer you my best thoughts and hopes!

- Peace

[LiveWire]

45. Marriage is the devil my friend

And all of its forms should be outlawed. Im single and loving it.

[miss_kitty]

46. my ex told me that once...

...and a week later, he met the woman he's been married to for more than 10 years...i've heard, years ago that they were very happy...yeah, it bit me in the arse, g sponge. we were not right for each other. if i'd let him hang on, he never would have opened up to the woman who had two cute little kids for him to love more than anything, and we were holding each other back. i always claimed we were each other's sea anchors.

give yourself some time. i hope you find someone who will be a much better match for you...good luck.

[AwakeAtLast]

48. I feel for ya!

You must give yourself some time to heal. I had a very similar situation with my ex 7 years ago, only I came home from visiting my parents (he conveniently said he didn't want to go at the last minute), to find that he had cleared all of his things out. No notice, no nothing. I now see that he did me a huge favor, but it took A LOT of time and tears. Find someone you can lean on for a while. Gosh I wish I knew more to say to make this easier! If you need any more advice, let me know!

:hug:

On edit: change the locks!!!!

[murray hill farm]

49. Love!

As difficult as it is to believe right now...no, i take that back..as impossible as it is to believe right now, you will love again. When that day happens, you will have been more careful..and will be more knowing about the depth of the person who you have chosen to love..and on that day, you will know what a gift it was that your wife left you..and in your heart, you will thank her for that gift. Without that "gift" you would never have moved on and away from a woman who was not capable of loving you and you would never have met the one who is waiting to meet you and who will be the one who will love you and want to be loved by you. as i said, impossible to believe right now, but it will happen that way...and thats a promise.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

51. Sounds like one of those days when

life just sucks.

GS, I think you know deep down that you'll fall in love again; and that it'll be as if you never fell in love before...and maybe this'll happen several times over until you meet Ms. Right.

In the meantime, though; may I offer some advice? Get counseling...preferably with your ex; but without will help too.

You may ask, "Why bother when it's over?"
The answer is that it's not really over for either of you until you've dealt with the issues that led to the breakup of your marriage, and your hurt, angry feelings.

I know this because I still deal with the baggage my husband brought from his last marriage; and believe me, it's no picnic schlepping it around.

GS, I'm so sorry you had such a rotten day! :hug:
Wish I could give you a beer. :beer:

[alittlelark]

52. Damn, that sucks!

I don't know what to say, but I would recommend that you start writing all of your feelings - anger,longing, frustration.. down in a notebook - starting now.

There may come a time in the future that it either helps you to understand yourself, or it will get burned when you decide that love is worth another shot:shrug: :hug:

[Skittles]

53. stop it, Gothic

you WILL fall in love again and it will be better than every; your ex did not deserve you.

[Gothic Sponge]

54. Thank you everyone for your kind words!

I wish i had time to respond to everyone individually, but i just woke up and i have to get ready for work. Yesterday was an emotionally draining day, but that's life....

Thank you again my DU friends!

:grouphug:

[onebigbadwulf]

55. I don't know how people dont get sick of eachother...

after a few months of having a GF I go crazy.

[FreakinDJ]

56. The best revenge

Live well and be happy, find some one that will trully love you

Oh ya...click the link

[Gore1FL]

57. i separated myself a while back

I know know how valuable it is to be single. I rarely date, and have no desire to ever be involved again.

One nice thing about an experience like this, you get to re-evaluate what is important, and not obsess with what really isn't.

[peach720]

58. So sorry

n/t