I feel so successful! I figured out how to deal with an annoying person!!!

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

Well she's not COMPLETELY annoying, but she has one very annoying habit: constantly second-guessing herself and engaging in a lot of drama as a result.

Example: we're going over to a friend's house for a little get-together with some other people. She starts obsessing: "Ohmygod! I wonder if Sue is gonna be there. I was supposed to call her back, ohmygod I wonder if she'll be there and SHIT I can't remember when Martha's birthday is, OHMYGOD I will NEVER forgive myself if I miss it." This goes on and on, usually with her asking me such unanswerables as:

"Do you think she'll notice?"
"Do you think so-and-so will be there?"
"Do you think that'll piss them off?"
"Should I do that?"
"Should I not do that?"

I've always been tempted to help her stoke her fears by saying "ohmygod I bet you're right, I bet she is ROYALLY pissed at you, I would be!" but that's so dishonest and mean.

So I just usually say I don't know and then explain why I don't know or why she shouldn't worry, etc. In other words, a lot of consoling/encouraging behavior.

Finally I started doing this: shrugging my shoulders. Yep, that's it. I decided she either has a lack of self-confidence, really enjoys self-created dramas or both, and since my answer to 95% of her questions is HONESTLY that I don't know, I will just shrug my shoulders and/or say "dunno."

Well, it worked. I noticed the other day she hasn't engaged in that kind of behavior around me in WEEKS.

OHMYGOD I wonder if she's pissed at me?????

[Rowdyboy]

1. Aw, you're no fun...

You quit playing her game....

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

2. LOL

Man, game-players used to LOVE me. Game-players of BOTH genders. I used to be the epitome of gullible and emotionally vulnerable. Talk about a gift-wrapped present for a game-player.

[MuseRider]

8. Ha Ha!

I also used to be like that. I then read "The Dance of Anger" and never again have I fallen into that particular trap again. My mother was the worst (different kind of game though). She turned red,started to shake and I thought she might blow up the first time I refused to play. She did not speak to me for weeks after that but it worked! You just have to know how to not play and it looks like you have done a good job with this one. Do you think she might never call again? Maybe she is pissed? Great job!

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

9. I knew I had made a lot of progress

when a particularly nasty friend of mine threatened to never speak to me again and I asked her if I could get that in writing.

That ended that. Didn't bother me a bit and never missed her and her games since.

I was kidding in my last line...just being ironic. I figure if someone is pissed at me they need to tell me or barring that, just deal with it.

[MuseRider]

10. I swear it took

me so darned long to learn this! Finally, with 2 kids and everything else in my life I just had to stop, no time for it and no patience. I have never looked back. I try to be nice but after a while I just have to stop it if it can't be changed. As they say, life is too short. Funny, many of those same people are now very good friends. We sort of opened each other up and changed our ways of relating and it is great now. My mother died an angry woman, it never did work with her.

[TreasonousBastard]

3. hehe...

she just passed the monkey's paw to you.

Now you have to get rid of it.

Anyway, I know plenty of people like this-- always worried about something. Even good news is depressing.

Every silver lining must have a cloud.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

4. LOL

never heard it put that way.

Uh-oh, I have a monkey's paw now?? Crap! Who wants it???

[TreasonousBastard]

7. Keep that...

shriveled paw away from me!

I gotta go now anyway. There is undoubtedly somebody in GD 2004 desrving of it.

[LiberalManiacfromOC]

5. ugh...... I hate when people do that.

The shrug shoulders and say "dunno" doesn't work for me though.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

6. What do you mean?

It doesn't work with the people you know who obsess about every little thing? Or it doesn't work on YOU?

Confused a little...

[liontamer]

11. congrats

you win!

[Richardo]

12. Second guessers are the worst.. well, not the WORST, but pretty bad...

...and they're not really SECOND guessers, it's the first guess that's the problem. Well, not a PROBLEM, just kind of annoying.

:D

[WinterStorm]

13. Agree with her

It will freak her out and shut her up.

Believe me my Sister was the same way until I started to agree with her and I started telling her everything that she didn't want to her.

Reverse psychology works great!