So...what's up with gay men and the term 'bear' ?

[BigBigBear]

I have called myself, and been called by others 'Bear' for many years. My wife called me 'Bear', I called her 'Bear', most of my friends call me 'Bear'. I use BigBear, BigBigBear, UrsaMajor, Riverbear, Arctodus Simus and other bear references as online nicks. My house has 40 or 50 bears in it - stuffed, porcelain, crystal, prints, etc. We started a company together that had a bear reference in it.

I regard the bear as a personal talisman - as a symbol of quiet strength, a dweller of the forest, a lover of rivers, a solitary spirit and presence borne of and wedded to wild places. To me, the bear is the soul and symbol of North American wilderness. I carry that nick around in honor of those things I value - not because I want to flaunt a sexual identity in front of strangers.

I've been approached by gay men online ('hey, I'm a bear too...'), and it's been gently (but obviously) assumed in some quarters that I am a homosexual because of my use of the word 'Bear' as an online pseudonym. I get ICQ spam because of it. It happened here once, many, many months ago.

Is this a gay-related term? What the hell does it mean? If it is....well, sorry for a non-PC rant here, but I kind of resent the hijacking of language by gay people to facilitate meeting each other or advertising their sexual inclinations, at least to the extent that someone who isn't fluent in their lingo is assumed to be part of their community. It sounds like a little thing, but it's been happening to me for 10 years, and I'm sick of it. And, no, why SHOULD I change my nick?

To all the gay men likely to read this - sorry if you draw offense from this rant, but I draw offense from the wink-wink hijacking of the language for coy revelations of sexual identity, and that people should make assumptions about me because of the way I happen to identify myself online, unaware of hipster-gay language play at work.

Perhaps I miss the days when people, gay or straight or bi or unaffiliated, just kept it to themselves.



Can I assume my banning is forthcoming?

[onebigbadwulf]

1. Bears are big and hairy like most gay men

I dunno

[JohnKleeb]

2. does that mean my friend's friend is gay

:shrug: hes called Bear. I am hetero and associate myself with chimps :D.

[Skip Intro]

3. Oh, dont be such a queen

Sorry, couldn't resist.

A "bear" in gay terms is just a big, burly guy. Er, um, or so I'm told.

Hardly offensive imho.

Seriously, do you think gay people should have their own words, just for them?

C'mon.

[Vanje]

13. Elizabeth II

I'll bet Elizabeth II really hates that the gays stole her word too.
Darn gays!
Cant even call yourself a queen any more without everyone thinking your a big swishy homo!

[Placebo]

4. Bears are hot...

Bear = hairy masculine 'manly' gay men.

basically, not a pretty boy. probably likes to work on cars, play football, doesn't shave his body hair, doesn't dress trendy and might be chubby to overweight.

frankly, i think they are damn sexy :P

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

21. OMG

my husband would be considered a bear. And he's had more than a few guys check him out, too!

I call him Boo Bear. Always have. How weird.

[dback]

5. No offense--don't worry about it

The "bear" movement has been gathering steam with the gay culture in the past 5-10 years. Basically, it's a reaction/backlash to the "twink" culture too much of gay life reacts to/revolves around--you gotta be under 25, thin with abs of steel, gym-muscled, porn star looks, etc. The "bear" movement can encompass older guys, hairier guys, butcher (or, to use a loaded term, "straighter") guys, and definitely hairier guys. The attitude behind it is, "Forget the facade and trying to be something I'm not--I'm just an average, heavy-set, hairy-chested guy who's never been and never will be mistaken for a 'WB' actor." I was just at the Bears on Harrison street fair in SF yesterday, and the wide assortment of men was very refreshing compared to the "Queer Eye"/"Will and Grace" universe.

Take it as a compliment--it just means you're very masculine and studly. :)

[BigBigBear]

11. There's a "movement" ????

Fine. I give up. I do NOT understand that culture - advertising yourself with code words as a reaction against TV shows. Whatever.

Live and let live, but I just wish I could use that word without being tagged with that connotation.

Thanks for the explanation, by the way.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

22. Who is stopping you from using that word?

I mean, seriously, what's the big deal?

I never knew about the bear thing, but my husband and I both have "bear" nicknames for each other and he is a slightly stocky, hairy normal-looking guy, so I guess he'd be considered a bear in gay circles, too.

But it's no big deal, really. Keep using the term bear, who cares?

[Vanje]

6. Wow.

Did having someone mistake you for a big hairy gay man really hurt you that much?

I get mistaken for a straight woman all the time, yet it dosnt upset me. I just gently inform the mistaken party that I'm a lesbian.
No big deal.

[BigBigBear]

14. It's happened enough times

to be annoying. Perhaps you like gently explaining your sexuality to strangers who make incorrect assumptions about you. I feel it's an imposition on my privacy; my sexuality is no one else's business until I decide otherwise, mundane as it may be.

And I feel that identifying myself as a noble beast online shouldn't entitle me to more than my share of false 'assumptions' (some acted upon).

But whatever...no big deal.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

23. Is there something stopping you from ignoring it rather than explaining?

Ignoring is quite easily done online, ya know.

[Ekova]

7. As far as I know,

it's used to describe gay men that are plump, big, maybe a bit hairy, etc. I've never seen it used in a derogatory manner - I think there's actually a magazine called bear dedicated to big, burly gay men.

I can't imagine you would be banned for asking this question.

Please feel free to clarify if my perception of Bear is off the mark.

[terrya]

8. I remember some people taking offense with "gay" being appropriated...

by the gay community. They always thought that the word "gay", in its most common usage, meant "happy". Some people were "saddened" that the word they used for a long time now had a new meaning.

Language doesn't belong to one group of people. Words can have different meanings.

[LoZoccolo]

9. I start my mentioning that laughter comes through harmless surprise.

So please don't think that I'm being homophobic by thinking this part was very funny:

If it is....well, sorry for a non-PC rant here, but I kind of resent the hijacking of language by gay people to facilitate meeting each other or advertising their sexual inclinations, at least to the extent that someone who isn't fluent in their lingo is assumed to be part of their community. It sounds like a little thing, but it's been happening to me for 10 years, and I'm sick of it.

It's just that you don't expect seeing someone go off like this on DU, so when they do, it's funny!

Seriously though, I think it's more of an internet thing that you get propositioned or whatever. People advertise stuff they normally don't through their handles when they're trying to meet other people in a semi-anonymous evironment like this, and that's why people don't keep it to themselves.

[BigBigBear]

12. Happy to provide some entertainment for you n/t

...

[cprise]

10. "Is this a gay-related term?"

LOL! It is now. Well, not strictly.

All it means is a 'hirsute' guy, usually of a stocky or chunky build. A small subset of gay men find that attractive.

I think the language thing is just a part of life. All kinds of people add new meanings to words for cliquish reasons.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

15. I'm afraid this is now a matter beyond your control.

Bear does definitely have gay connotations, and I'm afraid you're going to have to live with it, or find a new nickname. That's just the way it is, and nothing's going to change it.

I'm pretty sure you can deal with it, mind.

[LondonAmerican]

16. It's a euphemism

for being middle-aged, overweight and hairy.

It's basically an eroticisation of what happens to a lot of guys as they grow older, eat too much, stop engaging in physical activities, drink too much beer and generally let themselves go to seed.

I've never understood it. I tend to go for guys who have the self-respect to take care of themselves, regardless of age.

[Dookus]

17. as opposed to what?

being callow, shallow and shaved?

[LondonAmerican]

25. Not quite clear what you are getting at

Though I do prefer guys of any age who have the self-respect to take care of themselves as opposed to being obese, unkempt and slovenly. 'Bear culture' just seems a shallow attempt to fetishise the state of being a large bellied couch potato. It could only happen in a place like the US.

Though most 'bears' are usually of baby-boomer age there are also a lot of older guys who do take care of themselves, who are active and fit and respect themselves. I think you see more of that here in Europe than in the States where the 'bear culture' has unfortunately metastasised on the gay scene as the population has become more and more obese. That's probably one reason why I prefer London to most US cities.

Hope that's clearer now.

[Cannikin]

18. I'd like to have 'jugs', 'knockers', 'bitch' and 'chick' back too

Ya know...while we're at it.

[Dookus]

19. I'll bring it up at the next meeting

but your concerns will have to wait 'til we address the queens, pigs, otters and cubs.

[Cannikin]

20. Otters??? lol

[Dookus]

24. Yes.

an "otter" is a tall, thin hairy guy.