Republican National Convention - Schedule

[Dover]

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 PM Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM Trent Lott "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho
Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & CondiRice
10:46 PM Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot"
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary
Overlord

[ComerPerro]

1. LOL... but I noticed a few problems:

Unless I am missing something, 10:15 PM Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple should probably say "doublethink"... that is, if its a 1984 reference.

And I think you got an earlier version of the schedule. On the update, everthing startnig at 1140 am was pushed back an hour. The 1135 "blame Clinton" is now scheduled to last an hour.
This is partly because Jesus, scheduled to lead a prayer at 1150, likes to sleep late.


Great stuff!

[Dover]

3. Lol! Yes indeed....corrections should be made. And one more..

At exactly 9:11 AM The entire assembly will place a collect call to Osama bin Laden at his beach front home "somewhere in the Carribbean". Once he answers, he will then be mischieviously placed on permanent HOLD....followed, no doubt, by cheers of victory and plenty of backslapping by the assembled Republicans.

[Placebo]

2. Laura Bush.

:scared:

[chuck555]

4. The real one was even funnier.

it was posted earlier.