Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Please critique this Kerry piece for me.

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:28 PM
Original message
Please critique this Kerry piece for me.
Actually, it's not a Kerry piece...it's a critique of Bush that Swing the Vote asked me to write about No Child Left Behind. It is targeted to NH and it will be a hand-out, one page flier. It has been awhile since I did anything like this so I would appreciate comments and criticism.

PS. MODERATORS! I know this seems political but I would like to keep it here and get some criticism of my writing...not my politics. I hope you understand! Thanks.


GEORGE W. BUSH SHOULD BE KEPT AFTER SCHOOL


A little time in a schoolroom in New Hampshire might give the President a better
understanding of the havoc being caused by his No Child Left Behind (“NCLB”)law in local
school districts in this state. In fact, he should probably be required to write “I will fully fund
NCLB” on the blackboard 100 times before he is allowed to go home.

We are beginning the third school year under NCLB and communities all over this state
are suffering. George W. Bush has UNDERFUNDED this federal mandate by 27 Billion dollars
since its imposition on the states. As a result, local communities have been forced to raise local
property taxes to make up the shortfall or to cut other valuable school programs or to simply go
without. Some schools have been placed on the Federal “watchlist” which means that they must
come up with even more money from already stressed taxpayers to avoid being closed down.

No one opposes improving public education in this state. Everyone wants New
Hampshire kids to get the best education that taxpayers’ money can buy. Everyone wants New
Hampshire kids to graduate from High School ready to tackle college and the workplace. But
here in New Hampshire, we get a little nervous when bureaucrats in Washington tell us how to
educate our children...especially when these very bureaucrats, including Mr. Bush, never
attended a public school in their lives.

Public education is one of the oldest institutions in this country. It has been run for
decades and decades by local school committees whose members are on the front lines with
parents. Local people who are accountable to their neighbors for the quality of education of their
kids. Now, not only has George W. Bush’s Department of Education taken this independence
away from us and dictated what our teachers must teach, but it has effectively told all of us to
come up with funds for a program that we had absolutely no say in and no control of.

Many Democrats supported NCLB but only if the federal government put its money
where its mouth was and fully funded it. George W. Bush did not keep his commitment to
adequately fund this federal mandate and now the citizens of New Hampshire are paying the
price.

GEORGE W. BUSH HAS NOT DONE HIS HOMEWORK

If he had, he would know that underfunding the No Child Left Behind federal mandate
simply shifts the burden of this Washington mandated program to every local taxpayer in this
country. This is, in effect, a tax increase for every property taxpayer in New Hampshire...a Bush
tax.

If he had done his homework, if he really understood the people of New Hampshire, he
would know that we don’t take kindly to the federal bureaucracy telling us how to educate our
kids and what to teach them. And, after that, to add insult to injury, to send us the bill!

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
iconoclastic cat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:43 PM
Response to Original message
1. How sensitive are you to critique?
This is a great idea, by the way.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:45 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. I'm not at all sensitive to critique!
Fire away! It will only improve this piece and educate me. :-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
iconoclastic cat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:47 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Okay, I'm printing your essay right now.
I'll get back to you in about fifteen minutes.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
iconoclastic cat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 03:13 PM
Response to Reply #2
13. Okay, tell me if this is too much surgery:
GEORGE W. BUSH SHOULD SERVE A DETENTION


A little time in a New Hampshire classroom might give President George W. Bush a better understanding of the havoc his No Child Left Behind Act is causing in local school districts. In fact, he should be required to write “I will fully fund NCLB” on the blackboard 100 times before he is allowed to go on his next vacation.


****


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mconvente Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:47 PM
Response to Original message
4. Some more info to bolster your essay
Here's some more added info to bolster your article. I used it for my final english project which dealt with the concern over rising college costs (of which I got a 98 on! ha!)

Source:

Fiscal Shenanigans;
New York Times. (Late Edition (East Coast)). New York, N.Y.: Jun 3, 2004. pg. A.26

Summary of article:

While Mr. Bush has been out crowing about spending increases in some popular programs, his Office of Management and Budget was instructing federal departments to prepare to pare them down. In a May 19 memo that was first reported in The Washington Post, departments were told to trim domestic discretionary spending in 2006, the first complete fiscal year after the November election. And the administration recently submitted legislation to impose caps that would result in further reductions in every year after that through 2009.

According to estimates by the nonpartisan Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, the Office of Management and Budget guidelines translate into inflation-adjusted reductions in 2006 alone of about $925 million for Head Start and childhood education. That would come at a time when schools are already struggling to meet the demands of Mr. Bush's No Child Left Behind initiative without adequate resources. College financial aid, mainly Pell Grants, would take a $550 million hit -- at a time when lower-income students are dropping out of school because they cannot meet rapidly rising costs.



Full Text (640 words)
Copyright New York Times Company Jun 3, 2004
President Bush appears to be planning to run for re-election as a tax cutter without discussing what federal programs will be sacrificed to make up for the lost revenue. That can't be allowed to happen. Voters have the right to see the whole picture, including the downside. Chances are they won't like the view.

While Mr. Bush has been out crowing about spending increases in some popular programs, his Office of Management and Budget was instructing federal departments to prepare to pare them down. In a May 19 memo that was first reported in The Washington Post, departments were told to trim domestic discretionary spending in 2006, the first complete fiscal year after the November election. And the administration recently submitted legislation to impose caps that would result in further reductions in every year after that through 2009.

According to estimates by the nonpartisan Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, the Office of Management and Budget guidelines translate into inflation-adjusted reductions in 2006 alone of about $925 million for Head Start and childhood education. That would come at a time when schools are already struggling to meet the demands of Mr. Bush's No Child Left Behind initiative without adequate resources. College financial aid, mainly Pell Grants, would take a $550 million hit -- at a time when lower-income students are dropping out of school because they cannot meet rapidly rising costs.

The same projections show that veterans' medical care would be cut by $1.5 billion (after a planned $380 million cut in 2005). All told, under the proposed cuts, total funds for these and other affected programs -- like environmental protection, housing programs and nutrition aid for poor pregnant women and children -- would be $21 billion less in 2006 than today. By 2009, domestic discretionary spending, not counting homeland security, would be $45 billion below its current level and would be a smaller portion of the economy than it has been at any time since 1963.

The budget-cutting exercise is undoubtedly inspired, at least in part, by complaints from conservatives about the enormous deficits being created by the White House's fiscal recklessness. They like the tax cuts, but want to match them with spending reductions. They have been demanding that the president start paring the budget, or at least demonstrate that he will be ready to do so after November.

It's hard to imagine any realistic approach that would have the nation achieve fiscal responsibility with the tax cuts in place. First of all, even all of the proposed cuts in the memo would barely begin to make a dent in the annual deficits, which are likely to range from $300 billion to $400 billion for the rest of the decade. Second, although the fate of specific programs has not been decided, there is no way the administration can take a multibillion-dollar whack out of the relatively small budget for domestic discretionary programs -- a mere one-sixth of federal spending -- without hurting services that are both popular and desperately needed.

Some of the staunchest tax-cut supporters in Congress are perfectly aware that the math doesn't work. They hope the accumulating pressure of the deficits will eventually force the federal government to go further and cut entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare. Very few of them, however, are prepared to run for re-election on that plan.

Currently, tax cuts since 2001 account for 17 times as much of the swing from surplus to deficit as do increases in domestic discretionary spending. No one who refuses to face up to the root cause of our fiscal problems should be permitted to seek public office without saying where the money will come from. Candidates who insist on keeping the Bush tax cuts -- whether they're running for Congress or the presidency itself -- have to show us the math.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
iconoclastic cat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:51 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. Good ideas, mc.
BTW, Raven, if you want quick stats on NLCB's horror, go to this site: http://www.susanohanian.org

Susan is a great person to ask for help with issues related to NCLB. If you send her your essay, I'm sure she would respond with some helpful ideas. She usually responds in 1-2 days.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #6
16. Thanks!
Actually, I found her site when I was trying to educate myself about this yesterday. What I learned from reading the material on her site is what an awful hornets' nest this NCLB is! I barely scratched the surface in this little piece. You have a whole issue with "teaching to the test" and whether the real goal of the legislation is to get rid of the public school system altogether. Then there is the Houston issue of trumping up the numbers...God!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:52 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. Welcome to DU, mconvente
:toast: 10-4 on all the info.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mconvente Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:55 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. Thanks man!
Thanks for your comments! DU has been great so far (even in my first two days!). I'm lucky enough to have free access to databases such as EBSCO and ProQuest via connection through my county's library research system. So if you want facts, I can get them.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mconvente Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:52 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. Nevertheless, great editorial
Very succinct yet powerful. Being a math/science guy, I personally love facts and data in article. Perhaps you could add some specific examples from your NH district (IE - less money to afford new books, antiquated computer equipment, rising costs in school lunch to pay for rising costs abroad in the school district, which burdens families, etc.) Otherwise, it is very good. No spelling or grammar mistakes to my knowledge. Great job!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 03:01 PM
Response to Reply #8
11. Thanks and welcome!
I am going to pay a visit to one of the members of my local school committee who owns the barber shop in town. I want to ask him about how it really is on the local level. I don't know if he is a dem or a repub but it will be worthwhile talking to him.

PS. I hope you will keep posting! :-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mconvente Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 03:06 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. Glad I could help
I love people like you. You are concerned with an issue but don't go ranting and raving all over the place; you create a professional essay on your opinion that doesn't personally attack anyone and emits your thoughts well. We need more people like you!

Again, glad I could help. If you need anymore info, I'll be glad to search for it. I'm about to go soon though (summer AP Calc assignments looming!), but there is plenty of work to do leading up to November 2nd. My email is in my profile, so if you need any searching, just ask.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 03:18 PM
Response to Reply #12
15. You are a sweetie!
Good luck on the calc assignments...better you than me!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:57 PM
Response to Reply #4
10. Thank you!!!
I wanted to say something about how Bush doesn't seem to expect any of us peons to get beyond high school and has cut our opportunities to get there! Thanks for the information!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 02:49 PM
Response to Original message
5. Looks good to me
I wouldn't change a thing. But I'm no English scholar so you better wait for more input.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ayeshahaqqiqa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 03:16 PM
Response to Original message
14. Bookmarked
If this were more general and not just about NH, I'd nominate it for the home page! As it is, I'm bookmarking it for future reference. Thanks for a great job!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-04 04:30 PM
Response to Original message
17. Just one.
It's well written; the points about local/state control are good.


My comment is content related. It's the part about NCLB being an "unfunded mandate."

It is quite true that NCLB has not been fully funded, and has played havoc with our budgets. It's also true that many Democrats, to my ever-lasting shame, voted for this fox in the hen house.

The problems with NCLB are numerous, and funding is the least of them. If it were fully funded, it would still be a very destructive piece of legislation. Focusing on funding as the issue sets us up to accept the legislation itself as acceptable, and it is not.

If you really want to address the problems with NCLB, start with the high-stakes testing piece. That alone will bring about the destruction of public education, funded or not. Don't forget the enriching of commercial test makers and publishers, text publishers, and "consultants" at the expense of the actual needs of the classroom. Don't forget that a piece of NCLB instructs high schools to release student information to military recruiters.

I could go on; I could write a novel about the abuses endured under NCLB in our classrooms. This is enough, though, to make my point. The underfunding is the tip of the iceberg. Funding it isn't going to change the destructive nature of the law.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Fri Apr 26th 2024, 10:15 AM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC