First date, date avoids eye contact ?

[KurtNYC]

Had a first meeting, "coffee," and he avoided looking at my eyes. Not sure if that means he is shy or he is not interested and wants to avoid showing it.

We are sitting and talking and he sort of looks off at a 45-degree angle to me. Any thoughts on what that means? He kind of moved up against me later while we were walking (like a cat does) so I am confused. And he made a sexual innuendo too. It didn't seem to be lack of attraction and he doesn't seem that shy. Is there a third possibility?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

1. Poor social skills?

You can have poor social skills without being particularly shy.

[theboss]

2. He's gay

He may not know it yet, but's cleary the case here.

[KurtNYC]

11. yes - we're two guys

and we do know it

[theboss]

12. Oh, shit

Sorry...should have looked at the name.

But my answer only changes slightly. My answer is, He's straight. Doesn't know it yet, but that is clearly the case here.

[aquart]

3. Yes. ADD. Or that thing genius computer guys have: Aspergers.

Both are accompanied, sometimes, by eye contact avoidance.

[Spider Jerusalem]

8. Yes. quite possibly Asperger's.

Which is a relatively mild form of autism. I have it, and I very rarely make eye contact when talking to people...I find it distracting to do so. If I look at someone, it makes it difficult to talk to them. I seem to only be wired for input on one channel.

[Courtesy Flush]

13. My wife and I met a guy recently

He talked quite a bit, and seemed to be a fount of information. He never once looked directly at us, though we spoke for several minutes.

When we walked away, I told my wife that he probably couldn't pick us out of a lineup. My wife's a mental health pro, and said he seemed to have Asperger's.

[aquart]

15. My brother-in-law has it.

A fine, obsessed human being who thinks just as he ought on politics. And large numbers of pets.

[Droopy]

4. He may a little intimidated by you

I say if things are going well keep seeing him. Then when you get to know each other fairly well ask him about the eye contact issue if he keeps looking away. He just might be a little nervous. It might clear up after a while.

[Mojambo]

5. I have eye contact problems

It's not uncommon, particularly on a first date.

If he's still doing it down the road then something's up.

[Misunderestimator]

6. Did he look at you while YOU were talking to him?

Sometimes people are shy when they are talking (especially about themselves) and look away, but if they are looking at you when YOU are talking, I think you have nothing to worry about.

[SheilaT]

7. What the others said.

I always had a problem making eye contact. One boyfriend told me it was a problem, made it very difficult to talk with me. I have made a big effort ever since then to make eye contact (this was a good 35 years ago the conversation took place) and to this day I sometimes find myself drifting back to the "never look them in the eye" mode.

I myself am not autistic, but my oldest son has Asperger's.

[lpbk2713]

9. He was watching his ex-wife

who was sitting at the table behind you.

[amazona]

10. some people don't make eye contact -- i don't

People on the autistic spectrum sometimes don't make eye contact. I certainly don't. Looking into someone's eyes...to me...that's really creepy. It has nothing to do with you. If I was faking it (as in really looking at the bridge of your nose or some other job interview like stunt) it would actually be worse, because it would mean I didn't trust you and was just humoring you to go along to get along. People who make a point of making eye contact are, to me, very phony and insincere, and I have to keep reminding myself that it is just a cultural difference and that most people are trained to maintain eye contact and it doesn't necessarily mean that they are dishonest creeps trying to sell me life insurance. Just as you may have to remind yourself that NOT making eye contact doesn't mean that your new friend is "shifty-eyed" or somehow bad or dishonest or disinterested. It takes all kinds.

[KurtNYC]

14. Thanks for all responses

Hadn't really consider Ausperger's. That is a possibilty.

[LastKnight]

16. likley just shy...

he asked you out so hes likley interested... but eye contact can be the hardest for some people... i used to be like that... no problem talking to people, just problems looking at them while i did...

also some other good possabilities offered here...

-LK

[pagerbear]

17. Kurt, you coming bar-hopping with us on Saturday?

I'll make eye contact with you, dude!

[Lefty48197]

18. Maybe he has vertigo

?