Any spouses/partners of emotional/sexual abuse survivors on board?

[judge_smales]

I'm looking for some on-line resources to help me in dealing w/ my wife's recovery. Not looking for info about abuse and recovery itself, but more about how I can help her and how to keep myself from getting too banged up while she does what she needs to.

TIA for anything you've got.

[woo me with science]

1. if she is recovering new memories of abuse....

get her AWAY from her therapist.

that's my very best advice.

thinking of you, and sending good luck.

[judge_smales]

4. Oh,

Thank God no! She's wise to the "recovered memories" BS.

She's got competent care, but it's hard on the marriage and on me while the recovery is in progress.

And thanks for the wishes!

[woo me with science]

7. so glad to hear it...

i've got a sister who believes we were both abused in a satantic cult. recovered "memory" therapy can get really ugly, really fast.

i'm so glad she's aware...and not being violated twice.

take care.

[redqueen]

9. Is your sister still seeing that therapist?

She should know that no therapists should be 'helping' her to recover anything, and that this person is just taking advantage of her.

[woo me with science]

10. yeah....

but she's an adult and in another state. my brothers have talked to her, sent books, and sent letters to her therapist and to the licensing board in her state, but nothing has happened yet. her treatment is confidential.

she is cutting everyone out of her life who questions the therapy even a little bit.....even though her whole life is falling apart because of it.

right now she will only talk to one of our brothers and me. we're trying to be there for her and nudge her to question what's happening, but we can't say too much critical or she'll cut us off like she already did everyone else in the family. we're so worried about her and need to stay in contact. it's a really horrible balancing act.

[redqueen]

12. God that's horrible

I'm so sorry... I'm sure you've probably said all the things I'm thinking that I'd like to tell her.

She'll definitely be in my thoughts... :hug:

[woo me with science]

13. thanks

please just keep spreading the word about this kind of "therapy." she had no idea what she was getting into. people need to know.

[Misunderestimator]

5. Now, what kind of advice is that?

I assume you had some bad experience with a therapist? The therapist I had in my late 20s when I finally started to deal with my childhood stuff was the best thing that ever happened to me. Thanks for reminding me of that. Really. :)

[flamingyouth]

6. I totally agree

I was in my late 20s and, well, I've been there. 'Nuff said. :)

[truthspeaker]

11. you obviously had a COMPETENT therapist

as opposed to a "repressed memories" quack.

[flamingyouth]

2. I don't know about online resources

But there is a good book called "Allies in Healing."

Best of luck to both of you as you go through this.:hug:

[eyesroll]

3. RAINN

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
http://www.rainn.org/

There are a lot of resources and referrals, for both survivors and their loved ones.

Best wishes to you both.

[Ophelia]

8. Going into pseudonym mode here.

I'm a woman who has dealt with this with a male partner and the shame involved for men makes it even worse. Lots of stuff was hidden from me for a long time because of that shame and his actions killed much of my self esteem sexually for a long time and permanently damaged our relationship. Make sure she continues with her therapy and be there to listen. Many things I could have understood if he had been honest, but instead of that, my normal needs were attacked, criticized, and I was made to feel undesirable or "weird" because of his issues. Yes, I have empathy, but after a decade plus of personal attacks because of his issues he was unwilling to seek help for, it got the best of me.

I'll sum it up:
honesty
listening
don't judge
support
understand when she needs to be slow
professional help

[judge_smales]

14. Thanks everybody.

Knew I could count on DU!

[Kire]

15. Partner's Resources

CovertIncest.org Partner Forums - Support for Partners Whose Significant Others are Too Close to a Parent
http://covertincest2.proboards29.com/

Soulwork.net: Relationship Success for Individuals, Partners and Families
http://www.soulwork.net/index.htm

sexual abuse spans more abusive behaviors than you may realize
http://madstop.org/artemis/sa.html

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child
by Laura Davis
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060968834/qid=1093541162/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/104-6368467-2553541?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Ghosts in the Bedroom : A Guide for the Partners of Incest Survivors
by Ken Graber
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/155874116X/qid=1093541162/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/104-6368467-2553541?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

When You Are the Partner of a Rape or Incest Survivor: A Workbook for You
by Robert Barry Levine
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0893903299/qid=1093541162/sr=8-4/ref=pd_ka_4/104-6368467-2553541?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

What About Me? A Guide for Men Helping Female Partners Deal with Childhood Sexual Abuse
by Grant Cameron
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0921165382/qid=1093541162/sr=8-5/ref=pd_ka_5/104-6368467-2553541?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

the list goes on and on

[flamingyouth]

16. That is a great list - thanks!

:hi:

[judge_smales]

17. Thanks for taking

the time to pull that together for me.

I'm touched.


And I just bought "What about me?" about 5 minutes ago.