Well, we told our son about the divorce tonight.

[Pale Blue Dot]

It was very, very hard. Once again, my intuition was right: he had no idea that this was coming.

After sobbing uncontrollably for 10 minutes, the first question he had was "Will I still see Dad just as much?" :cry:

I am making a promise to him, in writing, here on DU, that I will always continue to be as big a part of his life as I am now.

He is a great kid, and wise beyond his nine years. When we told him that we had an appointment with a doctor for him on Wednesday if he needed to talk to someone, he said "Yes, I want to see him." It takes a brave person to admit that he needs help. I'm sure that at his age I would not have admitted that.

Please continue to send the good vibes to Kevin. He is a wonderful, beautiful kid, and I will fight forever to make sure that the selfish actions of his parents do not ruin his life.

[eyesroll]

1. Wow, Finn...

:hug:

[skooooo]

2. I hope he gets as much counselling as he needs/wants..

..that's a tender age.

[sundog]

3. Sorry Finn...

but it's good that you had the strength to do it in a thoughtful & compassionate way...

Hang in there, man... you'll do good :hi:

[flamingyouth]

4. You and Jane will do everything for him

And Kevin is a smart kid with a great family to support him. You're not being selfish either.

It does take a brave person to admit that he needs help, and I'm glad he's going.

We're all thinking of you.:hug:

[ronnykmarshall]

5. Oh sweetie, that's so sad.

Keep the lines of communication open.

When my parents divorced it was year before my dad and I really connected.

[kikiek]

6. Heartbreaking. Sounds like he has wonderful parents to help him

through. I think the selfish act can be staying together.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

7. YOu are wise to give him help

when my parents divorced, nothing was said to me, except that "only crazy people see counsellors and shrinks". I was forbidden to see my father and any member of his side of the family, which was hard because my cousins were my best friends. My father came by infrequently to see me: once I was used as bait to get him to come so that the cops could arrest him for non-support (still remember the cops surrounding the house and entering, guns drawn). The last time I saw him alive I was eight. He died when I was 32, and my mother broke the news to me saying "Aren't you glad?" I wasn't.

So I'm glad to see both parents are going to be a part of Kevin's life and that you are making sure he will have help. My prayers for him and for you.

[jus_the_facts]

8. Awww....musta been tough for all ya'll......

......I know it'll work out for the best all the way around!! Take care o'YOU too!! :hug: :*

[MuseRider]

9. Finn, that had to

be heartbreaking for you. I am so sorry. He sounds like a kid with a great head on his sholders. I know a lot of families whose kids did not do well and in each case it was because the Dad left or did not stay in touch. I have seen other kids thrive because both parents worked really hard to be civil and stay involved. You are to be commended as a great Dad. I hope you are doing OK, this has to be so darned hard. :hug:

[JanMichael]

10. Damn. My parents divorced when I was 8, it didn't hurt me though.

I was relieved. Hell I was very Pro-Divorce in their case.

I'm glad however that your situation is proceeding along with help for your son.

Keep up the effort it'll be evident in years to come.

Best of luck:-)

PS~ Sorry that your marriage didn't work out, you seem like a decent guy.

[rasputin1952]

11. May this seperation go quickly and painlessly...

Kevin, as all children in this situation, will have the hardest time daling w/this...:(

If this is the route you have chosen, I am sure you will keep Kevin close, and guide him through this life...:)

[Placebo]

12. You're doing him a favour, I WISH my parents had gotten divorced...

when I was younger instead of FUCKING UP MY WHOLE LIFE BY HAVING ME STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR NONSTOP FUCKING ARGUING EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :grr:

So maybe it's all for the best.

[GOPisEvil]

13. He'll appreciate your honesty with him and with each other later...

The pain he feels now would have been magnified had you continued your unhappy marriage.

*Continued good wishes for all three of you*

[SOteric]

14. Selfish? How can this be selfish...?

You're providing Kevin with a role model. Two adults he loves, admires and treasures are showing him the importance of following his own inner joy and peace. You're showing your son how to make changes in his life and his relationships in a way that doesn't hurt, harm, destroy and humiliate.

If twenty years from now Kevin were in a marriage such as yours has been, - would you want to think of him feeling trapped in his sense of selflessness and obligation, or would you want to think he could treat his partner with sensitivity and dignity and go on to find his own happiness?

Change is inevitable. Approaching it with your generousity of spirit is not.

[SarahB]

17. I know this is FinnFan's thing here, but....

I just wanted to say that these words hit me too. I created a life with someone making all these decisions not knowing he was going to change the rules halfway through the marriage and I was basically forced to accept behaviors I didn't sign on for. I know I need independence for awhile (probably forever on some level) to have a life that better for me, but I tend to be so inherently selfless about everything that sometimes it's hard to see that my intentions are truly the right thing for everyone. When I look at it from the perspective of my children and the kind of happiness I would want them to experience and they deserve as they become adults, I can see it differently.

Thank you.

And FinnFan... :hug: (extra hugs too).

[Pale Blue Dot]

15. Thank you all for your incredibly kind words and genrosity

This has been the hardest time of my life.

I love you all, and I promise to always be true to Kevin and to help him become the kind of person you will all want to know.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. :loveya:

[Lithos]

16. He has two loving parents

And it sounds like he does have his head on right. It will be difficult for him, but it sounds like he will be okay.

L-

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

18. Finn

hugs and strength to you my friend.

I use to WISH my stepfather and mother would divorce but they stayed together and tortured us. It was horrible. That's why I think it's stupid for people to knee-jerk think that divorce is always a bad thing. It's not.

It sounds like you both are wonderful parents. Because of that, I have no doubt your son will be fine!

Again, hugs....