we've just been visited by missionaries for the second time today

[Bertha Venation]

First were Jehovah's Witnesses. Now Mrs. V. is on the porch to dispatch -- elegantly, politely, and witheringly -- Mormon missionaries.

Who's next, I wonder? (I think the Baptists will keep on walking when they see "Kerry/Edwards" in the window . . . .)

:bounce:

[flamingyouth]

1. Weird, they seem to come in packs

When we first moved into this house, we were first visited by the Jehovah's Witnesses, then the Mormons the next day. At the time, my husband told them we practiced witchcraft, and no one has returned since.:shrug:

[Bertha Venation]

4. LOL FY's husband

We need a high-five smiley. :toast:

[luaneryder]

8. LOL

My son did the same thing. He got tired of them ringing the bell so when he spotted them before they got to his door he amped up his electric guitar to the nth degree and started strumming and shouting "Satan, Satan!!" He never had any more visits.

[Philostopher]

2. Boy, your 'missionaries' have more zeal than those

in our neighborhood. The ones where we live just get pre-printed door hangers and stick them on neighborhood doorknobs, they never do any door knocking around there, far as I know. The only people who ever knock on our door are people trying to sell Kirby vacuum cleaners and citrus cleaners!

[Bertha Venation]

5. I haven't seen a Kirby vacuum or salesman since prob'ly 1970.

Do you live near the Brady Bunch? ;)

[Philostopher]

14. Well, sort of.

We live in a fairly 'whitebread' incorporated 'burb, most of the houses were built in the '50s. We didn't know how little diversity there was when we bought the house, but I'll be honest -- we live in southwestern Ohio, where most suburban areas are pretty segregated, still.

Interestingly, the young gentleman who knocked on my door to try to sell me a Kirby sweeper was AA. I hated to just say 'no, sorry -- not interested!' in some ways, but I have four cats and an egregiously outgoing dog, not to mention not much carpet. Would have been his worst nightmare, I suspect, to come in my house and try to demo a vacuum cleaner!

We actually looked at a split-level that looked a bit like the Brady house -- if the kitchen had been big enough, we might well have bought it, but it was the size of a postage stamp, and both the Nownows cook.

[KG]

3. must be a big push on.

saw some proselytizers out in my 'hood toady...

[Bertha Venation]

6. I do wonder if some special message went out to all Christian sects. BUT

since most sects are attuned to different frequencies -- and since JWs and Mormons are considered by many evangelical & fundamentalist christians to be cults -- I doubt it.

I do wonder, though, at two in one day. Curiouser and curiouser.

[Momgonepostal]

7. I'm sure this is opening myself up to criticism...

...but I've been a Mormon missionary and during my mission had Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door twice. :D

[Bertha Venation]

9. Hey! I dated a woman who went to Brazil on her Mormon mission!

But that was a bizarre twist for you, eh? Hehehehee... :7

[Momgonepostal]

10. poetic justice for me, I guess

:-)

[notadmblnd]

40. I wasn't aware that LDS allowed their females to do missionary service

is this something recent in their church?

[Mizmoon]

45. I had two female missionaries about 10 years ago

They seemed nice, so I let them in. We chatted for a while, then I invited them to come down to a bar and see a band I liked. The smiled weakly and left.

At the time I had no idea they couldn't drink!

[TheSuaveOne]

49. Nope...

...not at all. The only difference between men and women going on missions is the time they are on their mission for, and the age requirement.

Men: 24 months, have to wait til they are 19.
Women: 18 months, have to wait til they are 21.

...la

[booley]

11. ahhh, reminds me of when I was prosetlized

TRUE STORY!

I was doing this photo story where I had a guy tied up and tape gagged with a bomb next to him. idea was the bad guys were going to blow the hero up, blah blah blah (and not important to the story)

Anyway, my model's girlfriend was outside smoking as we finished up, I heard the girlfriend talking to somebody. Well I went outside to the porch (keeping the door closed enough so the tied up guy wouldn't be so obviouse...) and saw that the girlfriend was locked into conversation by a Jehovah's witness. Seeing me, the woman got this look like a lion seeing fresh meat.

Basicly..blah blah blah..come to our church..ect ect.

Well, I say, I'm already in a comparative religions class.

"Oh, well we can teach you a lot more then that can" she says. (subtle sneer)

"Thanks", I reply, "but as a PAGAN I beleive in learning about all religions."

Trying a new tack, the missionary asked "Oh, have you always been a pagan?"

Yes, I replied and seizing my chance, I turned to the girlfriend and say "We're pretty much done. can you help me clean up?" and then inch open the door so the tied up guy can be seen from the porch, looking up at everybody with this really weird expression and the fake bomb a few inches away.

The lady sees this and I end it by saying "I'm sorry but I'm right in the middle of something. but my BOYFRIEND (yes, I'm a proud GAY MAN) wil be home in a few hours and he's agnostic..if you want to talk to him."

And I never got bothered by missionaries again.

TRUE STORY!!!

Of course, this is not to disparage other people's religous beleifs. But it does show how one can keep from getting bothered.

[Bertha Venation]

15. Great story, Boolie! I can't top it

but I do like it when Mrs. V. tells people the story of when she used to keep getting bothered by JWs. The last time was when she opened the door on the chain and laid the muzzle of her shotgun against it . . . .

[booley]

26. it was just super rare timing

No way could i have ever planned such a thing.

Maybe this is proof that there are indeed God.
and they are trying to tell us something

;-)

[jukes]

12. BV

got this sticker on my door/mailbox. haven't had a knock in months. jahweh help them if they do!

http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/nothump.html

[ldf]

13. i don't know what they were

but they were two young guys, white shirts and ties. looked sort of like the uniform of the mormons.

asked me if they could share some information about jesus.

i said no, that i was an atheist, and i wasn't interested in anything they had to say.

they were speechless. i politely closed the door.

but they were cute. i should have tried to do some proselytizing myself.

:evilgrin:

[politicat]

17. Do it!! Three of my HS friends got kicked off their missions for

homosexuality.

(I lived in a small, mormon town growing up. 3 of 15 or so who went on missions is pretty high odds!)

Help them reform the Mormon church from the inside!

Pcat

[Bertha Venation]

20. Did your three friends want to or intend to be kicked off their missions?

I daresay it wasn't as "fun" an experience as you make it seem. I was kicked out of a fabulous church choir, in which I was deeply invested, because I came out to a trusted friend. It is not fun to be expelled from anything because of bigotry, nor is one's homosexuality -- an immutable trait that brings out the bigot in many people -- an instrument to be used for changing an organization from within. Just look at Log Cabin Republicans.

Too heavy a response for your light post? Yeah, maybe. :shrug: No offense meant, though. These things are felt very deeply by those of us who've been there.

[politicat]

22. two intended - easier than dealing with coming out at home...

the third was an unintentional.

It was a tough town to live in and be different. We can talk about it off line if you like.

S, the unintentional one, has stayed in the church and fought every step of the way to keep his membership and remain gay. He's probably going to be finally excommunicated later this year. He's not happy about it. (It's been 12 years since the incident.)

The others count their coming out and getting sent home and excommunicated the best things that ever happened to them. Like I said, it was a tough town to be different in.

S'ok. I understand the bigotry and the pain - I grew up in that town, the only Catholic girl in my HS of 800 Mormon kids. (Also, the only liberal, the only one not related to everyone else.... )

I'm not bitter - I'm a better person for growing up there. And not annoyed with you.

Pcat

[Bertha Venation]

23. "I'm not bitter - I'm a better person for growing up there. And not..."

"I'm not bitter - I'm a better person for growing up there. And not annoyed with you."

Thank god. I'M annoyed with me enough. And I'm sorry about your friend who has fought it.

Life is tough, but considering the alternative, I'll take it. I'm not ready to go yet.

:hi:

I'm turning into a pumpkin. 'night, all.

[Pale Blue Dot]

16. What position did they take?

Uggh. Sorry about that joke. :spank:

[Bertha Venation]

18. Boooo!

Fortunately Mrs. V. dealt with them. If I'd've had to open that door, the position they would've taken was ass-over-tit-down-the-stairs.

I'm an agnostic-leaning-atheist and a follower of Christ! Don't piss me off!

[Southpaw Bookworm]

47. ROFL

At the image of said missionaries "ass over tit" heading down the stairs.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

19. Dogs. Big dogs. I think it is the utter inability to fathom a dog's

intentions from a Christian standpoint that makes them so effective. The dogs, that is. Not the Missionaries.

I have seen the white-shirted bretheren from KCMO or SLC leap our fence in a single bound upon the appearance of our old dog. She was not a barker, she just went around the house to the front door and stood there, thus placing the true meaning of The Love Of Jesus in their Hearts as their self-saving un-Christian asses run away.

I can only hope our puppy will be as effective. I don't want to go back to my old way of answering the door naked holding a shotgun.

[DemBones DemBones]

21. Yep, we just keep a good Catholic dog.

Seriously, I don't know how dogs know to raise hell over proselytizers but they do. I've watched them make people decide not to even get out of their car at the end of our driveway. Saves me the trouble of having to talk to them! Most will leave once you say you're Catholic but I'd prefer to avoid the entire conversation.

No doubt they assess the dog and the fence and realize the dog is big enough to jump the fence. (Fortunately, our dogs have never realized they can jump the fence, or are too polite to do so.)

[Bertha Venation]

24. Your new puppy is a sweet little lover. Looks like it's back to

the naked shotgun method.

Hmm... maybe it's time I went on a mission... ;)

[nini]

25. I always get a kick out of the Mormon Missionary kids

the ones that have come around here have always been so sweet I usually end up talking to them and 'debating' some things since I'm Catholic.

I tend to think they really enjoy the company more than anything some times as they're far away from family and home. They often stop by again just to say hi.

Now the jehovahs...... no no.. they get the boot - nicely, but not interested to even speak to them.

[northzax]

27. yeah, I was dealing with a bunch of stuff yesterday afternoon

came back from work to get ready for a wedding and found that the a/c upstairs had sprung a leak into my hallway, so I'm already running late...get out of the shower and am ironing my shirt when the door bell rings "would you like to hear a great message?" er, no thanks, I'm going to pass, Brother Jonathan.

[northzax]

28. speaking of, did anyone see the documentary on PBS last week

about the life of Mormon Missionaries in Germany? really quite fascinating.

[LWolf]

29. I have a couple of cures.

Cure # 1: a fence all the way around my house, so that they don't have access to the front yard or front door. Of course, this only works if you lock the gate, because they don't hesitate to open up the gate and come right in.

Cure # 2: This is an actual event; it happened 3 years ago, and no one has "visited" me since. My son and a few of his friends were in the house getting ready to leave for the weekend when I got home. They were back in his room, and didn't hear me come in. I dropped my purse and keys and went back outside; I was planning some yard cleanup. When my son left, I was in the back yard trying to start the chainsaw. He came back to say goodbye, offered some advice, and left with his friends. But...he didn't realize I was home until he came out of the house and saw my truck. He'd locked the door behind him, and left me locked out of the house. I didn't think about it until later, when I was ready to go back in and discovered myself locked out, with keys inside. And son long gone, about 2 hours away. So I cased the house, and found an unlocked window. The window was stuck, so I dug around in the garage and came up with a crowbar to unjam it, and a footstool to help me reach it. I was coming around from the back of the house with crowbar in hand when the JWs came through the gate and gave me their standard greeting. I told them that I'd love to talk to them about my spiritual health, but that first I had to break into the house. If they would like to stay and help, we could have some tea and chat once we got inside. They wished me luck, declined, and left very quickly, never to return.

[Mrs. Venation]

30. Mrs. V, Here

I really try to politely and respectfully send the proselytizers on their way. Sometimes that just doesn't work, though.

On Saturday, the JW tried to hand me her magazine. I explained to her that I am an Episcopalian, I am very happy in my church, and I was not interested in her literature.

The man who was with her interjected. "Do Episcopalians believe in..."

Now I got a little angry. I looked him square in the eye and said, "I respect your faith, and I'd appreciate it if you'd respect mine. I said I am not interested in your literature. I hope God blesses you every day." I came back in the house and closed the door.

The LDS missionaries were just a couple of sweet kids. We chatted a bit, and I said, "look, I know why you're here. I'm an Episcopalian, I'm gay, and I'm happy in my church."

The friendlier of the two kids said, "that's cool."

I'd sit down and have a glass of tea with those two kids. Maybe I could teach them something about my perspective of Christianity, maybe not. They were friendly and respectful; being respectful goes a long way with me.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

31. I always tell jehovah's witnesses I can't possibly be one

I didn't see the accident.

[LynneSin]

32. That would be Southern Baptists

Baptists are actually pretty progressive

[Bertha Venation]

36. The kind of Baptist I was was not very progressive, though.

I was "Regular Baptist," of the "General Association of Regular Baptists." Yep. GARB.

They're just a hair off from the conservatism of Southern Baptists. The big difference is that no one looks at the women sideways if they wear pantsuits to Sunday night worship.

[exJW]

33. Knock, Knock

There, now you were visited by a Jehovah's Witness twice today, lol.

Ok, my screename is "ex" JW, but officially, even though I figured out my life had been one big Knock-Knock joke over 4 years ago, I've never been disfellowshipped or disassociated. That may change after this week, as they seem to be wanting to clear me off the books; I suppose to protect the women and children?

Evil fuckers.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

34. They don't excommunicate?

I am still trying to get a handle on what their real theology is, without any luck.

[exJW]

37. Oh yeah, they Excommunicate....

I have so far managed to just "fade away" for the past 4 years.

But as I alluded to above, this past Sunday, two "elders" came by and let me know that "serious matters" had been brought to their attention regarding me, and they had scheduled a "judicial comittee" for that Wed. evening, and they'd like me to attend (but the "judicial meeting" was happening whether I showed up or not).


I stewed on it for a couple days, didn't know what to do. Its really horrible timing, as my sister is getting married next week, and this could actually affect the way my family treats me, believe it or not (so far, my liberal-for-JWs family has not shunned me really).

I ended up writing a letter telling them this was harassment and that my lawyer friends thought so too (true, but they also didn't see much I can do about it). I even threw in a bit about thinking that they might be after me because of my involvement with politics (I don't think that's it, it's probably sex outside of marriage or "apostacy"), as politics is an area where they feel the need to tread somewhat lightly for legal reasons.

I should know in a few days whether my letter scared them off or not.

[TheSuaveOne]

50. You do know...

...that a simple letter to the Bishop in the ward you are located near, will end all of the missionary visits. Until you do this, they can't take you off the rolls, and thus are required to continue visiting you every so often...la

[Bertha Venation]

38. My goodness.

Did your awakening come instantly, or did it take a long time to come upon you? It took me about ten years to shake fundamentalist evangelical christianity.

[exJW]

41. 10 years after

Great band.

Ten years. That's about what it took me, if I look at the time period that covered my first forays into thinking for myself. Amazingly, that first act of defiance was simply growing a beard, which I quickly shaved because I couldn't take the heat. Yes, they really are that bizzare.

I guess cognitive dissonance works for some people. It was killing me.

My actual turn from True Believer to Non Believer, came over about a 2 day period however (based on a doctrinal issue I finally looked at critically). My life was turned on it's head in 24 hours and I knew EVERYTHING would be different from here on out. It was scary. Fortunately (?), I was truly at rock bottom in terms of depression, and every day since then has been a little bit better. In fact, the depression was almost miraculously cured, the further I got from specific beliefs about God. I'm fond of saying "Praise the God who most likely doesn't exist, for He/She/It/nil is a great God!".

[Bertha Venation]

42. WOW. I'm amazed -- for me, rock bottom is where I hit the

turning point, too.

I wonder how many people left their fundamentalist faiths because of what they experienced when profoundly depressed. Hmm....

[exJW]

44. Yep. It was an intellectual process to get my mind free

But I had to have the shit beat out of me before I got the courage or wherewithall or whatever to think for just a moment. After that, for me anyway, it was pretty easy.

[smirkymonkey]

35. Counter-prosthelysize or try to sell them something.

Never go on the defensive. They see it as a weakness and dive right in. Try to get them to join some cult you just made up or buy a magazine subscription or something. They don't expect it and it usually scares them off.

I respect people who practice their faith quietly and walk their talk, but I deeply resent those who try to "sell" me thier religion.
True faith doesn't need to recruit or coerce.

My personal spritual beliefs are as important to me as theirs are to them and I consider it an insult when someone tries to convince me otherwise.

[notadmblnd]

39. my Jw's name is Dorothy

She considers me her little nut to crack. She has stopped by every few weeks for the last 2 or 3 years. I argue with her about religion. Despite her proslytizing, I like her. I do think I hurt her feelings recently when I said if it wasn't for the fact that she's trying to convert me, she wouldn't be my friend. She couldn't deny it though and that made me sad.

I had a couple of Mormon boys stop a few weeks back, I wasn't in the mood to be nice and talk to them so I said no, thank you fellas, good bye and closed the door.

[truthspeaker]

43. so far my "No Soliciting" sign has worked like a charm

on missionaries, at least. Still get the punks selling newspaper and magazine subscriptions.

[Mizmoon]

46. Someone tore my "no soliciting sign down"

Solicitors can get testy, I guess.

[No2W2004]

48. You need one of these on your door:

[Bertha Venation]

51. That's what Jukes has. It's more my sister's speed

but since her husband is a fundy . . . .