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The bald eagle. Bold, proud, and a vicious hunter. But is this America? Is the bald eagle really the best choice for our country's mascot? I think not.
Americans have much more in common with the lemming then with the bald eagle. For example:
1. Lemmings are idiots
2. Lemmings don’t question leadership
3. Lemmings are mammals
4. Lemmings wage pointless wars against innocent countries
5. Lemmings lie on a regular basis
6. Lemmings don’t care about education
7. Lemmings are widely viewed as ignorant and racist fools by the rest of the small-rodents in the animal kingdom.
8. Lemmings are generally over weight by at least 100 pounds
While the last one is debatable, the first seven aren’t, as shown in a famous Disney documentary where lemmings where videotaped diving off a cliff. (Note: the film crew later admitted to actually throwing them (the lemmings) off the cliff, but that is beside the point)
Thus, I ask you, is there any doubt that the lemming is more like Americans then any other species on earth, let alone the bald eagle? I think not! In fact, the bald eagle couldn’t be farther from America (much like a potato)! The bald eagle:
1.Has feathers, Americans do not
2.Is somewhat intelligent
3. Is graceful
4. Can fly without an airplane
5. Doesn’t care about celebrities
6. Likes the French
7. Reads great literary books, instead of cheap romance novellas
8. Drinks enough milk
9. Uses Linux and other open source alternatives
10. Eagles aren’t mammals
Do Americans exhibit any of these traits? No. So I bid you to welcome in the new year with a new mascot; The lemming. Mean, idiotic, and fat. That is America.
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