I just got hit on by 2 women and i did nothing! (what's wrong with me?)

[Gothic Sponge]

I went food shopping at my local health food store and a woman started flirting with me....I did nothing. Next, i went to Trader Joe's and another woman started to flirt with me....I did nothing!

After my breakup.. i'm just not ready to even flirt! It's been almost a year! What's wrong with me? Even if i did act on it, they would be put off by the fact that i'm not a "successful person." I'm a schmo in my thirties working a crap job and going to college. No woman wants that!

You think i have self-esteem issues?

;)

[Guy Fawkes]

1. That sort of thing happens to me all the time...

oh, wait...

[DrZhivago]

2. buck up buddy

and re-invent yourself as Jake the playa. Its time to get wet, if you don't play right now, you're gonna find yourself in another relationship with the first girl you sleep with and we don't really want to go down that road right now do we?

[Gothic Sponge]

6. NO!!!

I will never marry again!

[LoisMustDie]

3. Asperger's Syndrome

I'm lucky cause I have AS.. A woman would have to ram her toungue down my throat before I would realize she was flirting.

And yes this happened a couple a weeks ago....

I'm still not sure if she is interested or not....

[Gothic Sponge]

7. Asperger's Syndrome?

Isn't that a type of autistic behavior?

[miss_kitty]

4. you did not respond...

because neither of them was me, of course.
;)

[Gothic Sponge]

5. You're right

I've been holding out and waiting for you. ;)

[miss_kitty]

9. get in line sweetie, they all are ;- ) n/t

[Gothic Sponge]

16. I'm in line....

I took a number, it's 438. ;)

[miss_kitty]

47. i might let you have 'cuts' n/t

[Warren DeMontague]

8. What'd I Tell Ya....

Anyway, man-- give the ladies, and yourself, some credit. Not all of them are looking for an investment banker or a consultant who works 70 hours a week and is perpetually self-absorbed. Believe me. My resume looks pretty bad, on paper- and my wife has more degrees than the surface of Venus (she's vastly over-qualified for the likes of myself) ...but I have certain things that she didn't find among the guys at Business School; namely, integrity.. kindness... decency.. honesty.. not to mention a twelve inch.. okay, okay, you get the drift. (Whoops. There goes the "honesty") And I don't know where you live, but if these women are hanging out in the hemp cereal and organic produce aisle, they probably aren't fishing for an uptight yuppie.

Personally, I've never been any good at flirting, particularly without a few drinks in me, and I don't drink anymore.. so honestly I can't explain the fact that I'm happily married. But I think the thing to remember in those situations is that oftentimes the other person is just as nervous as you are.

[Gothic Sponge]

10. I know you're right.

I think i'm just scared to even start trying. My wife basically told me she fell out of love with me because i lost my job. I guess i'm still shell shock from that.

[flamingyouth]

15. Good heavens

I can't believe she told you that. I'm very sorry. :(

[Gothic Sponge]

19. She was/is very career minded.

I guess i wasn't fulfilling what she wanted in a person.

*sigh*

[flamingyouth]

21. That's harsh

There is so much more to a person than his or her job title.:(

[Gothic Sponge]

26. there were other issues she had with herself.

We were trying to have children and i think she got spooked by the enormous responsibilities that would entail. Me being jobless just added to that...

[miss_kitty]

52. "My wife basically told me she fell out of love with me because i lost my

job."

i gotta tell you that is a reflection on her. totally. it does not reflect on the person you are. honest.
some time, you know, when you are all spooned with ms 'the real one' you will thank your ex. it does not seem like it now, but if she did not leave when she did, you would not now be on the path to meet your true love. i promise you that this is the truth. it does not matter where you live. (BTW, big points for feeling responsible for your mom). you just need to be ready for it and be confident in who you are. you'll do fine, man...

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

12. You put it so well impeach

I, too, have more degrees than my husband. Well, he doesn't have any! But I really didn't give a crap about that. I married a high school dropout who was in the Army making $900 a month when I married him! My parents, who are all about image, nearly had strokes. But I didn't care, I loved him. Who he was. Who he is. The most devoted, loving, compassionate human being I've ever met.

And joke's on them: he now makes more than me, by a long-shot.

And I'd still live in a roach motel with him, as long as I was with HIM.

[Gothic Sponge]

14. You're a beautiful person Moonbeam_Starlight!

I hope to meet someone that thinks like you. :)

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

25. Aw sweetie

you will! And thank you! And quit making me blush at my computer screen! ;-)

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

11. HEY NOW

don't assume on that schmo working a crap job and going to college in your thirties!

First of all, *I* don't care about stuff like that and I know there has to be more of me out there.

Secondly going to college says a LOT about you.

Thirdly, if you don't feel like flirting back, don't!

But at least you know you still "got it!"

Good on you!

[flamingyouth]

13. You're not a schmo

You're a really nice person. And if it makes you feel better, I feel really weird when people hit on me in places like the grocery store too! :D

[Doohickie]

18. Women can tell

...when you're decidedly NOT looking, and they take advantage of it, I swear.

When I got engaged I was working as a waiter. Now, this never happened before, but the week I got engaged, three different girls left their phone numbers on checks, and two invited me to parties (cuz there weren't going to be enough guys there :wow: ).

They're just toying with you.

Of course, you'll never know for sure unless you call their bluff!

Good luck!

[Gothic Sponge]

24. Same here!

When i had my wedding ring on i got hit on more!

:wtf:

[Gothic Sponge]

20. Thank you!

I promise not to hit on you in a Trader Joe's. ;)

[flamingyouth]

22. Hey, you shop at Trader Joe's!

:yourock: :D

[Gothic Sponge]

29. Yes

I remembered you did, because i started a Trader Joe's thread a while back. :)

[flamingyouth]

30. Their frozen section is the saving grace of single people everywhere!

:D

[Gothic Sponge]

33. Amen!

I love their pizza and pan thi noodles!

[flamingyouth]

36. Their frozen slipper lobster meat makes great chowders

It's almost that time of year again for hot soups... :scared:

[Gothic Sponge]

37. I love the fall for their

pumpkin ravioli! Yummy!

[flamingyouth]

38. And they have great seasonal stuff during the holidays!

When I'll be working 7 days a week and have no time to cook! Yay, Trader Joe's!!!

[Gothic Sponge]

39. You work 7 days a week around the holidays?

Are you one of Santa's helpers? ;)

[flamingyouth]

40. I own my own store

:( This will be my last Christmas in retail, however!
:D

[Gothic Sponge]

43. Wow! I can see how you would have little time to cook!

Why is this your last year? Are you selling your store? I had my own web design business for a while. Where do you find the time to even post on DU?

[flamingyouth]

44. Yes, I'm selling it and going back to school

To be a massage therapist

[Gothic Sponge]

48. Want to train on my back?

;)

Best of luck! I know it's never easy making big transitions like that.

[Pithlet]

17. Maybe, but

I remember for about a year after I left my first husband, I reacted the same way when anyone hit on me.

And don't sell yourself so short. Not everyone cares as much about those things. Otherwise, only rich and "successful" men would have wives and girlfriends.

I know the singles meat market is tough, especially after a break up. Hang in there, though. You'll make it through :hug: You are obviously smart, and have a great sense of humor. Those are traits that many women, including myself when I was single, clamor for.

[Gothic Sponge]

27. Thank you!

:)

[miss_kitty]

23. okay-here's my non flippant answer

"they would be put off by the fact that i'm not a "successful person." I'm a schmo in my thirties working a crap job and going to college. No woman wants that!"

success is not truly measured by that external crap. making yourself BE that person, the non-schmo guy with the big money job will attract shallow women who are concerned only with the size of your bank balance, and would only cause you pain.

the first post i made here, gothic sponge, was on your thread about your ex moving her gear out. a shallow woman would break your sweet heart. consider your situation as it is today a 'shallow filter.' if a woman does not want you merely because you are "a schmo in <your> thirties working a crap job and going to college" then you are better off without her. you are the kind of guy that needs someone who knows what your intrinsic value is and values you for that. what no real woman wants, i think is a guy who thinks he is not good enough for her and seeks constant reassurance. i mean all. the. time.

now if she dumps you because you have a tiny one...;)

:spank: sorry about that last bit there i am baaaaaad

[Gothic Sponge]

32. Damnit! You had to bring up my small junk!

;)

Thank you for your post! I think part of the problem is my location! I live on Long Island! It's a very Republican/Hamptons mindset here. I would move, but my mother is alone and getting old, and i'm her only child. She wants to retire here.... To give you an idea of some of the BS i've put up with dating here. I once met a girl at a party that asked me (as her first question) what kind of car i drove.

:wtf:

[tXr]

28. Hi Gothic_Sponge,

You sound like a nice person who has just had some bad things happen to him. I think it's great that you're in college and trying to make your life better. Like others have said, it's not about all that external stuff, but who you really are inside, you sound like a wonderful guy!
Believe me, I understand a lot of what you're going through, as I'm also in my thirties and going to school, broke, etc. Hang in there!
:hug:

[Gothic Sponge]

34. Thank you!

You hang in there too! :hug:

[miss_kitty]

45. not only that...i checked out his pic in the gallery

and i can see why the females were hitting on him...a real cutie pie, mr sponge is...

i know. it's shallow of me.

[Gothic Sponge]

53. Thank you.

*blushing*

I look nothing like that now. That photo was from my band days. My hair is short now.

[Fridays Child]

31. Yes, women despise employed men who pursue educations.

Negative self-talk reinforces low self esteem. If it were me, I'd get a bit of counseling to turn things around. And, remember, you hang out with us, which makes you cool.

:hug:

[Gothic Sponge]

35. Thank you!

I've been seeing a therapist since my wife left. I'm doing much better than day 1, but i know it's a long road.....

[SarahB]

41. Not every woman is completely shallow.

Sometimes we see beyond the materialist crap and see into a person's mind, heart, and soul. I've been in that position more than once. We are all more than just our stuff.

You're a good looking guy at a health food store. Hey, if I were there, I'd probably check out a glance or two as well. Plus you're tall. :D

[Gothic Sponge]

46. Don't get me wrong

I know every women is not out for my yacht! ;) I don't want anyone to think i'm slamming women. I'm still just jaded. Who told you i was tall? Maybe i did....I can't keep track, but yes i'm 6'5".

:hug:

[SarahB]

50. I remember you saying it once.

I always notice the 6'5"ers- you, Lincoln, Rezmutt (he's married though darn it), and the what's his name Zemeckis character dude. It's my weird fetish.

I don't think you're slamming women. It just takes time to heal. I understand. :hug:

[tXr]

42. ROFL!!!

I just clicked on the link in your sig...funny song!

[Gothic Sponge]

49. Thank you!

It was hard making it! I had to sift through a few hours of Bush speeches.

:puke:

[Berserker]

51. Gothic

As one man to another how often have you been told Awwwww your such a nice guy and Awwwwww you will find someone? Alot of women say those same phrases but deep in there heart that is Not the type of man they want. A lady loves and outlaw like a little boy loves a puppy. When women hit on you it means they are attracted to you so knock the dust of yer dick and get busy man. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on with your life. I will bet she has.

[Gothic Sponge]

54. Yes, she has moved on.

Dust? By now i must have cobwebs! ;)

Thanks!