I wish to cause great pain and suffering

[Mizmoon]

to my rotten, defective HP deskjet. One day, just like in "Office Space", I'm going to take it out back and beat it to death with an aluminum baseball bat. I will crush this plastic piece of crap into a million pieces and then laugh and laugh and laugh as I grind them into the mud with my boot.

Then I will take the ridiculously expensive printer cartridges, heave them into the air, and whack them so hard with my bat that they will explode into unrecognizable bits. Again, I will laugh manically as I use the end of the bat to break up any pieces that are larger than a silver dollar and grind them into the soil.

When I am done, I will look upon the broken corpse with no pity whatsoever. I will feel nothing but satisfaction and the joy of a vanquished opponent.

<ahem>I feel a little better now. Thank you.

[iconoclastic cat]

1. Trust me: buy a Lexmark.

My Z22 model: 600dpi, color, for $50. It has lasted for 5 years, and I've only had to update the drivers and clean the print heads. Unless they are donors to fascists or something, I will never buy another brand of printer.

[Lavender Brown]

2. You need the right soundtrack

Make sure you play that "gangster" song while you kill the HP.