what do you think Cyrano de Bergerac would say to the GOP re: "fat pig"?

[Lisa]

Upon reading the LBN post about Republicans calling Michael Moore "a fat pig", I couldn't help thinking about the famous quote from the play where Cyrano responds to a taunt about the size of his nose ...

"You are too simple. Why, you might have said—
Oh, a great many things! Mon dieu, why waste
Your opportunity? For example, thus:—
Aggressive: I, sir, if that nose were mine,
I’d have it amputated—on the spot!
Friendly: How do you drink with such a nose?
You ought to have a cup made specially.
Descriptive: ‘Tis a rock—a carg—a cape—
A cape? say rather, a peninsula!
Inquisitive: What is that receptacle—
A razor-case or a portfolio?
Kindly: Ah, do you love the little birds
So much that when they come and sing to you
You give them this to perch on?
Insolent: Sir, when you smoke, the neighbors must suppose
Your chimney is on fire."

http://www.scr.org/season/03-04season/playgoers/cyrano/classic.html





Okay everyone, I know that there are plenty of professional writers and even more professional smartasses here at DU. I bet we can generate a whole bunch of snappy comebacks!


For example --

Bureaucratic: "Is that the best you can do? I have my own zip code!"

Fashionable: "Yeah, I wanted to wear something that would make it less obvious, but Montana was busy."

Geophysical: "If I get big enough, the sun'll start revolving around us -- surely that'll make the creationists happy."

[coreystone]

1. How about all those "Pinocchio's?? n/t

[Gracie43]

2. Scientific

It's the Suidae nature to be obese; what's your excuse, lard butt.

[sangh0]

4. Scientific

"No, I'm just wind-resistant"

[Voltaire]

3. When I think of the GOP

all I can think of is when I end the refrain. . .THRUST HOME!!