Gay DUers: Do you feel weird when you see straight affection?

[WillyBrandt]

Living near NYC, I'm getting over it. . . but when I see a gay or lesbian couple holding hands down the street, and particularly when they're kissing, I get kind of freaked out.

It's nothing intellectual or moral or anything like that. It's more of a very basic "Oh, jeez, yo, that's really weird, whoa" feeling.

That feeling is dissipating as I become older, and I'm just used to seeing gay couples in public and not caring either way.

Anyway. Do gay people have that feeling about straight displays of physical affection?

(I would guess no, because one would just see that _so much_, but what the hell do I know?)

[Catfight]

1. I feel "weird" when I see violence, affection has never bothered me.

[WillyBrandt]

2. I feel more revulsion to violence, not weirdness. Odd.

[malatesta1137]

3. thank you for

injecting some sense. How could somebody feel weird about seeing a straight couple showing affection? Most of us were raised by mothers and fathers.

I think gay couples kissing is not the only thing the original poster needs 'to get over'.

[WillyBrandt]

6. I was raised in the burbs, and I wasn't used to PDAs at odds

with my own sexuality. Now I'm in the big city, and it's becoming just another bit of a landscape, where I can say "well, good for them!"

Jeez. But thanks for the psycholanalysis of me.

[jdj]

25. As a queer who was not offended by this

I appreciate the honesty of the OP and the question.

Propaganda works, that's why it's so wide-spread.

I remember calling a gay couple "disgusting" before I discovered my own sexual identity.

I also used to never drink right before I became an alcoholic.

So you never know, but I wasn't near as honest as WillyBrandt, I was completely condemning of homosexuality.

[jdj]

24. I'm getting weird. I can't stand watching movie kisses anymore,

God it makes me sick, I have to look away.

I want to puke (this is het romance scenes I'm talking about).

I don't watch a lot of gay love scenes as they are not mainstream and I don't rent videos, although I would suggest Bound movie-wise, and Dana Plato gave a really sweet performance in the porn movie "Different Strokes" she was very convincing as a lesbian.

I don't know why swapping spit bothers me so much now. As far as in real life, everyone in my small town is miserable so people don't kiss in public much.

[Cuban_Liberal]

4. No, not at all.

I see it for what it is, and I like what it is. :)

[greekspeak]

5. No...Jealously maybe

I think it would be nice to "love on" my BF without fear of having the shit beat out of me by some redneck asshole or being berated with tired platitudes from some UeberChristian. Heterosexual people can get married and divorced as they please, and can be considered full citizens of the United States. Gay people, however, get tied to fences and have the shit beat out of them for acting and thinking the same way.

I am sorry that affection and love between two human beings "freaks you out." What freaks me out is seeing a gentle, kind, young man beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die because he "freaks people out."

[WillyBrandt]

8. It doesn't freak me out. I wasn't used to PDA from

non-straight couples (grew up in the burbs). It was just very unusual to me, and I'm getting used to seeing it, and seeing it for what it is--affection between two people in love.

Why do you think I would be anti-gay or have any sympathy for anything but total equality, both political and social, for gay Americans?

[greekspeak]

15. Well, being "freaked out" by affection between 2 people of the same gender

does not sound like a ringing endorsement of gay people. I am sure you are not anti-gay, but why should it freak you out that two people exchange affection? I too grew up in a very white, conservative community as well, but the affection two people show one another is of little interest to me.

It sounds like you are making an effort to understand what comes naturally to gay people. Try to concentrate on these: 1) The love two gay people share is really not different from that two straight people share. 2) the disgust Americans have for homosexuality is an arbitrary moral stance.

[WillyBrandt]

17. Argh. All I'm trying to understand is this

Gays are bombarded with examples of straight affection.
Straights are NOT bombarded with examples of gay affection.

When I very first started seeing gay couples kissing in public or holding hands, albiet rarely, (10 years ago or whatever), I'd think "whoa what the hells going on? I'm not used to seeing that kind of thing..." Forgive me for not having a more mature reaction when I was like 13 or whatever.

Now I still certainly notice when a gay couple holds hands in the street, but there's no "whoa holy shit" reaction any more. There's just the notice you pay to anything that is still unusual.

What I was trying to get at was this: does the fact that gays see so much straight affection mean that most of them don't bat an eye, or think twice, or whatever, when they see a public display of affection between straight people.

OR, do they, meaning you can't help but notice and feel it unusual when there's a display of affection incongruent with your own sexuality?

So please don't seize upon the worst possible interpretation of my question. I want to understand how people are, not wave the flag of bigotry.

[Misunderestimator]

7. Holding Hands? No. Sticking tongues down eachother's mouths? Yes.

I understand your reaction to seeing people of the same sex holding hands in public. I have the same reaction, and I'm gay. Well, probably not entirely the same, since my reaction is exultant as well. It's still amazing to me how many people stare if I hold hands in public with my partner. More of us need to be comfortable doing that before people will start to feel more comfortable seeing it.

[WillyBrandt]

9. Actually, even in NYC it's surprising how rarely you

see same-sex couples holding hands down the street.

I never thought of it that way, but it must be tiny in proportion to the actual number of gay couples out there, and it must be a terrific burden to be so self-conscious about such a simple thing. . .

[WillyBrandt]

11. I admit that I'll stick rubber neck (just a bit)

if a same-sex couple walks down the street holding hands.

At this point, it's just because it's really a pretty unusual sight. It's a bit of a catch-22: I don't think gay couple will be able to walk down the street together unselfconsciously until far more do it; I don't think far more will do it, until they can do so unselfconsciously.

[Misunderestimator]

14. That's very true... it's frustrating that it actually takes a fair amount

of courage (in most places in this country) to hold your partner's hand in public. And equally frustrating that you even have to think about it in your given situation... Do you want to deal with the attention you know you'll get? Don't you just want to have a private, romantic time, without feeling like you're representing an entire group of people and sharing your time with strangers who look at you as they would an animal at the zoo? Do you want to take the risk that that group of guys may harrass you or worse?

[Deja Q]

10. I feel weird when anyone engages in affection.

I do not want to see anybody fondling anybody else in public.

Okay, a kiss or hug is fine. But deep-throating? Big-time groping? In a big shopping mall filled with lil' children? Hell no. If they want to commit foreplay, they can get a room. Shopping malls frequently have bathrooms if their need is so urgent that they have to finger each other in public. :eyes:

[malatesta1137]

12. how can a straight couple use

the same bathroom in a mall? Unless of course you are only referring to gay deep-throating, etc etc

[WillyBrandt]

13. Just sneak in when no one's around. It's not ultra-high security

[KeepItReal]

16. My Story...even though I'm not gay

I got taken out to dinner here in NYC (I'm on a roadtrip!! yeah, baby!!) on my birthday a couple of years ago by a lady I was dating at the time.

As we waited outside the resturant, we ended up kissing... Next thing I know, some dude hollers out "HETEROSEXUALS!!" and we all had a nice laugh. He may have been gay, and even if he was wasn't, he's ok in my book.

(on edit...just clarified the subject. :-) )

[terrya]

18. No, as long as I'm not judged about showing public affection towards Doug.

My b/f.

I think PDA's are just fine. Gay or straight.

[ronnykmarshall]

19. Not at all.

Pisses me off that people "freak out" when we try and do the same. But you're cool in my book.

It takes a bigger person to overcome some of the shit that has been put in our heads.

[Bertha Venation]

20. No -- and I think the reason is lifelong-conditioning to what's "normal"--

or even just seeing man-woman pairs enjoying PDAs all my life. Never saw a gay PDA until about ten years ago, and that was at a festival.

When a couple of either orientation, in public, is feeling each other up or kissing like fish gasping for oxygen, I tend to get supremely annoyed and want to :puke:. That's just FTR. :hi:

[Guy Fawkes]

21. Every so often...

Esp. when the affectionate people in question are being *very* affectionate, not just holding hands or lightly kissing.

[ldf]

22. there is a distinction between

showing affection and "making out".

***WARNIG, WARNING, WILL ROBINSON, DEROGATORY LANGUAGE USED***

i think "making out" is not done in public, by anyone. or should not be. get a room.

but showing affection is good. we see too much violence and hate nowadays. a little affection could go a long way to counteract it.

i live in nyc, too. and it is extremely rewarding to see gay people who feel comfortable enough to hold hands or kiss hello/goodbye, in public.

but i was also on a subway recently with a straight couple who were making out. and they wouldn't quit. everyone was trying to look anywhere but at them. it did make me uncomfortable. and obviously a lot of others uncomfortable, too.

a little common courtesy goes a long way in a modern, crowded world.

or, i could have just gone with the flow of the modern world and responded in kind with "hey you fucking assholes, why don't you get a fucking room, you smelly cunt and tiny dick. jesus fucking christ!".

and then the usual melee would ensued. :-)

[WillyBrandt]

23. But would your emotional reaction have been diff if the

hypothetical couple was gay or straight? Or would that not have factored into it at all?

[mark414]

26. hey man, i'm the same as you

my parents are both very tolerant, understanding, loving people, and they passed those same traits on down to me. they're big liberals, and don't think twice about voicing support for gay marriage. but regardless, i was never really around many LGBT people until i moved out and into the city (milwaukee). i fully support 100% equal gay marriage, and yes, call it marriage, but i still get sort of weirded out around gay men. when i was a very immature young buck i did the usual make fun of gay people thing, but i am learning and struggling to overcome my bigotry.

however, in the past couple years, i've made a lot of gay friends and have attended a few pride festivals and have seen plenty of gay PDAs. but like i said, it is very hard to unlearn something that society has pounded into your head, and whenever i get "freaked out" or whatever, pretty much just with gay men (since i am a straight man myself), i always have to tell myself "don't be a bigot, love is a beautiful thing and i am glad that they feel comfortable enough to openly share their affection in public, that is a good sign that at least parts of society are starting to come to their senses"

[lakemonster11]

27. You have to expose yourself so that it doesn't seem odd anymore

I distantly remember a time when I was a little weirded out by seeing gay couples kiss and cuddle---I was about twelve or thirteen years old. Actually, it really bothered me that I would sometimes feel this way, because I believed (and still do believe) in my heart that homosexual love is every bit as valid as heterosexual love.

What I decided was that I was just reacting the way I was because I never (well, almost never) saw gay couples kissing on television or in movies growing up or read any books whose main characters were gay. So I set about to change that.

I actively sought out movies that I knew contained love scenes between men or between women. I expanded into reading bisexual and gay love stories and erotica. I was young, so it was probably easier for me to undo some of the damage that our homophobic society had done to me than it would be for someone grown-up, but I found that I had a quick and complete success. I don't think it took me more than a month or two to completely get over my "weirdness," and, let me tell you, I feel like a much better person today for it.

I think it's great that you've recognized your "freaked out" reaction as inconsistent with your values. I think that you will definitely be able to get over it, especially if you are willing to devote some energy to the task in the name of self-improvement.