Give me your (fake?) problems, and I shall answer them!

[Guy Fawkes]

Think of it like Dear Abby, except you'll all be answered. And my name isn't Abigail.

[Bluzmann57]

1. It's not Abagail?

Is it John Prine?

[Guy Fawkes]

2. Once upon a time....

there was a mean old bald guy who ran the country. He had a daughter. Then he told someone to fuck themselves.

the end

[Bronco69]

3. Dear Guy Fawkes:

I have a blister on my middle toe on my left foot from walking 10 miles yesterday and 5 miles today. Do you think if I stuck that foot up g w bush's ass I would get an infection? Thanks in advance for your reply. :-)

[Guy Fawkes]

6. You couldn't fit your foot up there...

his head takes up all the space.

[Kierkegaard]

4. Well, Doctor

Both of my legs seem to be shorter than the other one and I can't find a decent pair of Bermuda shorts to fit me. What should I do?

[Guy Fawkes]

7. Bermuda shorts are *so* last year...

sorry.

[Gunit_Sangh]

5. Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...

My feet are too long
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call

Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...
My fountain pen leaks
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead


Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
You won't believe this
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss
My girlfriend tells me It's all in my head
But my stomach tells me to write you instead


Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
Well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees

[Guy Fawkes]

8. I think the problem is this: you're cheating on your wife instead of

having a threesome.

[Kierkegaard]

9. Excited Papaya

As the only days of a life go by
I dream of you upon a tractor in the shrubbery
and whisper the words of a slow biologist
while garbage men steal a small child's breakfast.

As that tractor carries me swiftly away,
a soggy body held in your auditorium,
away from other canned goods or lucky charms,
you've got the only nostrils to look into.

When I close mine, all I smell is rat poison.
Come sit with me in our shrubbery
together forever, let our maintenance report fade
in the mess that a sweaty garbage man made.

[Guy Fawkes]

10. Was that a question or inuendo?

[Kierkegaard]

12. Closer to social commentary, sort of..

[CanuckAmok]

11. My penis is too large.

Can't get it back in the ol' tighty whiteys.

[Guy Fawkes]

13. You can do any of three things here...

1. Get new tighty whiteys
2. Move someplace cold
3. join a nudist coloney.

[Khephra]

14. Aliens stole my remote control

[Guy Fawkes]

15. We... errr..... They will return it when they are done watching the game.

[Khephra]

16. Well, you're just lucky that I already programed

everything into my recorder and that I'm listening to music, or I'd have to sic Alf on you.

:evilgrin: