Surprising Tribute (sort-of) to My Dad, Who's 65 Today

[Bertha Venation]

He had his problems, and failed me and my sisters miserably, in spectacular, cheesy '70s movie-of-the-week fashion. He once told me he thinks I'm going to hell because I'm gay. But tonight, just the good stuff.

He once stopped the car to go back and run into the middle of the road to retrieve my doll-baby, which I'd chucked out the window.

He didn't complain when I barfed all over the side of his little fishing boat. Just dipped up buckets of water to wash it away.

He gave both my sisters, my brother-in-law, and me a job when we needed one really badly.

He keeps up with his parents' families, and sends infrequent dispatches to me about reunions he's been to and various cousins he's seen or heard from.

For all his fundamentalist Christian posturing on my orientation, I know he loves me in there somewhere. He and his wife actually met me and Mrs. V. for lunch last time we were in California. I hope to repeat that scenario, many times, sans my stepmother.

I think there's a good and interesting man in there somewhere and I'd like to get to know him. My sisters don't understand this in the least, so I don't talk to them about it anymore. (I'd especially like to pick his brain on his remembrances of events in American history before I was born. He was 5 years old when FDR died and he remembers it.) But it's hard to talk to him sometimes, because at age 65 -- and when his children are 44, 43, and 41, and their mother gone 30 years -- he is still making excuses and trying to rationalize his behavior when we were tiny girls.* I've forgiven him, but I think he forgets that. I think he doesn't think he's worthy.

Well, shit, Dad, none of us is really worthy when we hurt someone badly. But we forgive anyway because it's (at least for me it was) the only way to heal, honestly and truly to heal.

Happy birthday, Dad! :party:

* No, not that kind of behavior.

[MrScorpio]

1. Tell your dad Happy Birthday from me

You're quite right, the love's in there somewhere

[Bertha Venation]

4. Warmest thanks, MrScorpio.

I have lots of wishes to pass on to him -- if he returns my call of yesterday. He probably will. :)

[nini]

2. How sweet...

I admire your ability to see some good in him. one of my brothers never forgave my dad for his faults before he died. Now this brother is having a hard time coming to grips with 'issues' the rest of us dealt with years ago.

You are doing the right thing for 'you'. I hope you get the chance to hear those rememberances with him - for both of your sakes.

[Bertha Venation]

5. Thanks, Nini

Not forgiving can haunt people to their graves. It's not an easy thing to do but I had to do it to heal. I hope your brother can find his peace soon.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

3. Like you said, none of us are perfect. We all are trying the best

we can, given the times in which we live, our understanding of those times, and the realities of our personal situations.
I have given up being angry at any of my older relatives. They had their issues, I have mine.

Everyone is fucked up somehow.

It has to stop somewhere, the only way I can see to do it is to do it yourself and not pass it on.

Happy Birthday Bertha's Dad. Many more. Still plenty of time to see the light at 65.

[Bertha Venation]

6. "plenty of time to see the light at 65"

Indeed!

I always dig your replies, WJMS. Seems you, too, have an understanding of reality that comes from experience.