Ok- I want to build a wedding website for my Fiancée and I - I need advice

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

I am pretty well skilled in Flash so I can build a really nice site - thats not the prob. It's the bridal registry stuff - should I just link to an external registry site? What's a good one. We want to allow people to give to a honeymoon fund - whats the best move there? Who's a good web hosting company?

[truthspeaker]

1. As an etiquette maven I have to say

a honeymoon fund is tacky. (It would also be difficult to implement, as you'd essentially be taking payments from people, and I assume many of your guests don't use PayPal).

As for registry sites, I know individual stores often have their own registry sites (Marshall Fields has one that I know of). I don't know of any sites that will handle registries for multiple retailers.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

3. As not an etiquette anything and after having spoken to our guests

we still want to do a honeymoon fund. Those who don't like it can buy us a napkin ring

on edit - don't mean to sound rude - I just think the people coming to our wedding know and love us and respect what is important to us. We don't buy into traditions we feel are foolish when what we want is as many days in Europe as possible

[Bunny]

6. I have to agree with you, truthspeaker.

It is generally considered an etiquette no-no to specifically request cash for any reason. So having a link for a honeymoon fund is not technically correct.

Having said that, there is no reason your families and wedding attendants can't be alerted to the fact that you'd like cash. That way, if an invited guest wanted to make inquiries of them as to your gift needs/preferences, they can always "hint" that Europe is your dream destination. The guests may get the picture and put some cash in an envelope for you.

You can also devote a section of your web-page to your honeymoon plans. I'm not sure how you could discreetly hint for money, but maybe someone else could come up with a tasteful suggestion for pulling that off.

Good luck.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

8. How bout a big flashing dollar that follows the mouse and a sign that says

"If you don't contribute to our honeymoon there will be no booze for you"

Just kiddin

I'll take the advice on the tackiness of it

[Bunny]

12. You know, that would probably work!!

I'd give money, just because I'd be tickled by the idea of it!!

BTW, I almost always give money as a wedding present. Not necessarily a real personal gift, but I figure the happy couple know what they need more than I do. Not that I'm hinting around for an invitation or anything, mind you,....;)

[tigereye]

13. well people who know you well

probably would get the hint, anyway. They can send you socks, moleskin for toes, and backpacks and stuff. ;)

A lot of 20 and 30 - somethings getting- marrieds already have a lot of the traditional wedding gifts anyway. Freinds of mine had a link to thier registries, I think.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

2. When I got married I went to the Knot

www.theknot.com
Very nice site, they let you set up a pretty nifty page and you even have a counter counting down the days left. It also has a checklist of things to do, etc. etc. etc.

Congrats!

[eyesroll]

4. I'd stay away from telling people about the honeymoon fund

Put a link to your honeymoon destination on the site instead, and if people want to give cash, they'll give cash. People generally don't like to be instructed to give cash unless they specifically ask.

As for registry information -- I'd have a link on your site labeled "The Tacky Stuff," as it is simultaneously tacky and necessary to have registry information on a wedding Web site these days. (I believe an old Emily Post book would say the bride and groom are never to mention gifts at all except to offer thanks; if a guest wanted to know what the couple wanted, they'd discreetly ask the honor attendants or parents).

Then, on that page (www.chavezandjoseswedding.com/tacky), have links to the individual stores at which you're registered. If that store doesn't offer online registry stuff, just put a link to the store's main oage and indicate that the registry is in-store only.

Good luck, and congratulations.

ON EDIT: Saw your response above, re: honeymoon fund. I'd just stick that on the "tacky" page then (I like the tongue-in-cheekness of "tacky" -- if you think your guests would be put off, don't use it), with the other registries.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

5. You've got a good point there

It lets us express ourselves and not insult the old fashioned folks

As a clueless guy who was raved by wolves I need all the politeness help I can get

[eyesroll]

7. One site I discovered while listing to a co-worker drone on

is Indiebride.com.

They've got a message board and articles, and it's clear that the people there (not just women) aren't too hung up on traditions that don't suit them. (There are sections on same-sex weddings, polyamory, and stupid bridal ads, for instance.)

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

9. Thanks E

:thumbsup:

[truthspeaker]

10. IMHO registry information is not tacky on a wedding website

On an invitation ITSELF, yes, tacky. But not so much on a website.

[eyesroll]

11. Not so much, no...but there are people on both sides of the debate

My grandmother, for instance, would be aghast. (And she does have Web access.) So would a good friend of mine who was raised extremely traditionally (to the point that, at her wedding, where I was seated at the head table and my husband was at the spouses/dates table...and my place card said "Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast," which is correct according to traditional etiquette but nauseating to me).

But I wouldn't care, so long as it's not on the invitation itself (which I have seen, but it didn't bother me to the point of avoiding the wedding or anything).

I like the idea of a "Tacky Stuff" section, simply for its tongue-in-cheekness, as I said above.

[NewJeffCT]

18. agreed

I think asking for money up front is a bit tacky.

Solution is to invite a lot of Italians & Chinese to your wedding, as well as to the bachelor & bachelorette party/shower, as they like to give cash! ;) Then, you only have to worry about paying your way to Europe... the cash from the wedding gives you spending money and flexibility while there.

(I'm sure other ethnic groups are known for that as well, just can't verify it for sure)

[pagerbear]

14. The most important question of all!

What will Pagerbear sing at the ceremony?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

17. Ahh - tis a tough question to answer

Know any gregorian chant?

[truthspeaker]

15. As long as I'm being the Enforcer:

It's "I want to build a wedding website for my fiancée and me"

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

16. I agonized over that

Thanks for pointing out my ttal lack of grammars

[Squeech]

19. We did a wedding website

One of our guests had a job with a web-hosting company, and he gave us as a pre-wedding present a couple month's use of the domain name www.marrymesweetpea.org, and the disk space to put up our page. We wrote a version of the "tacky" page that basically said "We're not registered anywhere, we've both been married before and have every domestic tchatchke we need, so forget it! If you want to spend money on us, here are a few charities we recommend:" followed by links to the charities we liked at the time. (A couple of them were relevant-- for example, there were enough non-meat-eaters on the invitation list that we served salmon as the main course, and solicited donations to a charity dedicated to preserving the waterways where free range salmon propagate.)

I don't know how to choose a web-hosting company. I assume that there's enough competition in that field that everyone's prices and services are more or less equivalent-- but I haven't researched it.