Any advice on a wedding speech?

[JVS]

I have to give one this weekend.

[jpgray]

1. Be very drunk

It will be remembered longer

[JVS]

2. I reject this advice

[jpgray]

10. That's because you know it to be wise (nt)

[jeff30997]

3. Do exactly the opposite of Bush and it will be a great speech.

:)

[JVS]

6. You mean I have to leave out my 67 references to "terra"?

[Fenris]

4. Don't mention you had sex with the bride.

:D

[nosmokes]

5. keep it short, go for sincere over cheap shot, but don't

be maudlin. but keep it short.

[UpsideDownFlag]

7. dont use the one from Old School

[WMliberal]

8. ive got two to give this fall

i can't decide whether or not to wing it or prewrite it. i think the William & Mary nerd in me will win.

[HEyHEY]

9. Hey I just gave one a month ago

First thing first...write it before hand, read it a few times...then go off the cuff when it comes time for the speech.
Be funny, but not crude. Keep your pants on.

[JVS]

13. I really don't feel like being funny

This seems like a very serious occasion and I've not been too cheery lately. Is there any way that I can pull this off without humor?

[jpgray]

14. In all seriousness, no you don't need to be funny.

Just filter your feelings for the newlyweds through your own personality, be honest, and it should be fine.

Unless you hate them, then you will have to stretch the truth a little.

[JVS]

18. I know and love the groom well, he's my brother

The bride I like, but I don't know her well yet. If he likes her, she must be good though.

[HEyHEY]

19. Brother!? Oh, do a speech like Steve Bechemi in the wedding singer!

Oowww! They'll be divorce in a year!

[JVS]

21. I'd be dead in 40 minutes at the hands of my angry mother.

[HEyHEY]

17. Yes, but you'll have to be sappy - which is worse!

I don't think a depressing wedding speech would go over

[JVS]

20. "The last time I saw the bride was when we were at the visitation...

for a childhood friend of the groom and mine, who had been killed in the war. I was wondering why she was there. She did not know the deceased and it was certainly unpleasant to be there and witness the desolate family of the deceased. Nobody could have faulted her for not joining us in our trip to pay respects. Afterwards I realized that she did have a reason to be there. She was a source of support and comfort to my brother. And while it is very easy to enjoy the pleasant side of a loving relationship, helping to endure that which is difficult is evidence of more profound love and dedication"

So, I shouldn't put that in?

[HEyHEY]

22. I wouldn't

It's on topic, but off it. Plus if anyone who knew that soldier was there, it could be a real downer.
Think of a similiar story though. Or just mention "at a recent funeral"

[JVS]

23. Yeah, I kind of figured that I should be more vague

[elperromagico]

11. "Hey you bastards, I just scored with a bridesmaid."

"I caught the bouquet, if you take my meaning... Any damn way..."

[jpgray]

12. "I caught her bouquet all right, so now it burns when I pee'

Great closer.

[Stew225]

16. Use Bush's classic "Fool me once....etc." eom

[TlalocW]

More important than the actual speech...

Is your entrance or approach to wherever you're going to give it. Hide in the rafters of the building you're in. When it's time to give a speech, swing down on a rope and crash your body into a giant gong signifying the beginning of your speech. This will loosen both you and the guests up.

Then give your speech using interpretative dance.

TlalocW

[Unperson 309]

15. Do NOT use the word "Success" in the speech!

seriously! All the Funniest Homw Videos wedding speeches that misfire go something like

"And they will have sex... uh... I mean a successful marriage!"
"I know Marsha and John will have many sex... I mean many successful years together!
The Class of '03 will experience sex... uh... successes in the business world..."

The dangers just aren't worth the risks, y'know!

309

[Rabrrrrrr]

24. Be sincere, be terse, be short

No jokes, no fumbling attempts to make it funny. People look like idiots when they do that.

Deliver one or two sentences. Three, tops. Anything else is annoying to everyone and no one will remember it.

Think of Churchill. Or Clinton, or FDR. They packed a whallop into one or two sentences when needed.

Giving speeches is NOT a scary proposition. The best speeches are actually quite short, not long.

And no "I'm so honored to be asked to do this" or "Thank you for inviting me to give the speech" crap nonsense.

Write one or two terse lines, read them over, change if you need, memorize, and have at it. Good luck! You'll be great if you speak from the heart with brevity and sincerity.