I'm a freeper who wants YOU to fight for MY country - Ask me anything!

[Spiffarino]

Note: This is in no way intended to get me out of the 700 Club. Really. Trust me.

[mark414]

1. why hasn't that vein in your forehead popped yet?

i noticed it's been getting bigger by the day, are you alright?

[Spiffarino]

4. Hey, that's good.

Hmmm...vein in my forehead. That should get me a 4-F.

"Uh, sergeant, I would love to fight for my country, but I have this pilodial cyst in the middle of my head that could spout at any moment. I think mark414 should go instead."

[gospelized]

2. mr. freeper

how come saddam attacked the WTC?

[Spiffarino]

6. Because he has...had...might have...could have had...

...a balsa wood airplane with a nuke heading straight for DC. You better sign up right away. I have other priorities and plan on having a kid as soon as the timing becomes convenient.

[alittlelark]

3. Why are you such a selfish, materialistic,

BIGOT???

Just wondering.......

[Spiffarino]

8. It turns the ladies on.

That's what Rush tells me. Now get over to see your local recruiter. You can be an Army of One. Hey, maybe I'll see you pounding Ahmed on Fox News!

[alittlelark]

11. I'm pounding * in the SF chron these days...

and by the bay, R*sh is a big fat sack of melconium that has not yet realized that it has no organs.

[Spiffarino]

12. R*sh? Oh, a rash!

Thanks! That'll at least get me consideration for a deferment. Not that you shouldn't go and be a hero and fight for your country. It's a very American thing to do, and I'll respect you so much. Well, unless you run against me for high office.


Just a few more to go!

[alittlelark]

13. Well, unfortunately I am a 39 yr old female

who would never be accepted due to age, but can out arm-wrestle her 17 yr old nephew.

Wanna arm- wrestle ? Or do you believe you could beat me with another appendage?

[Spiffarino]

14. Hey, I'd love to arm wrestle you. I'm the arm-wrestling pResident.

But I think I should let a poor person do it instead. You know, cuz, I wouldn't want to hurt you or anything. I'm compassionstic that way. Most people say I'm compassionabable.

[alittlelark]

15. Bring that compassionable arm up

you are toast (and the embarrassing thing is that I weigh 128!).

[Spiffarino]

16. Heh! (shoulders jerking) Now you know I wouldn't

...do that to a nice little lark like yourself (phony accent getting thicker by the second).

Raul, drop that rake and come give this little birdie a good arm-wrassle! I'd do it, y'know, but my arm is sore from chainsawin' all them logs at today's photo-op.

[ogradda]

5. why?

do you want to vote for a cowardly, backstabbing, lieing little bitch?

[Spiffarino]

9. Oh that's easy

He reminds me of a less mature version of myself.

[BMJ]

7. Why should we kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?

[Spiffarino]

10. Well because if you don't

Then there will still be some of them left who hate us for our freedom.

Here. Here's a recruitment form. The Navy needs you to waste Abu. I'd go, but I have this, um, thing I have to do first. M'k?

[Swamp Rat]

17. Take me to your leader!

[Spiffarino]

18. Sure. OK.

Um, well, actually you should go first and find the leader. I'll wait here. If you need me I'll be snorting booger-sugar off this hooker's back.


On edit: Thanks all, and goodbye 700 Club! Yee-haw!

[jdonaldball]

19. Dear Mr Freeper: If you love America then why do you want

Americans to fight and die for Israel?

[Spiffarino]

20. Well cuz that'll make that rupture thing happen sooner

That's what Pastry Falwell says. He says we's all gonna be ruptured and all them sinners will be left behind without us. Scary, huh?