Announcing the "Miracle of Birth" Videotape!!!!

[Lovecrafty]

ANNOUNCING "THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH" VIDEOTAPE Intended for all those who want to breed little Fluffy in order to let their children experience the "miracle" of birth, this real-time video tape set can either substitute for home breeding or guide you in making the most of your breeding decision.

Experience the joys of seeing a live puppy pop effortlessly from its mother's body and see her consume the bloody afterbirth! (Most children will squeal with delight when seeing this for the first time - many will make a life-long commitment to celibacy then and there.) Enjoy watching the frantic efforts of a breeder trying to resuscitate a still-born puppy.

See the hilarious actions of a bitch who searches for the puppy she thinks she just dropped but which was quickly tossed into the wastebasket because it was only a blackened, half-developed fetus.

Reserve a full 36 hours to see the entire set of tapes in one sitting to really share the drama, boredom, and exhaustion of the breeder as she labors to help her struggling bitch in extended labor.

Watch as a breeder tries to recruit several helpers to carry her dying bitch to the car for transport to the nearest animal hospital in a futile attempt at saving the beloved family pet. (Seeing the children crying and asking what is happening is half the fun!)

Follow the fun as a breeder and their spouse alternate duties during a full week of 4-hour bottle feedings with a fading puppy while also trying to keep 13 others dry and healthy!
And, as an extra added attraction:

Laugh with us at the madcap antics of a typical shelter worker as she accepts new animals while keeping a straight face as mom and dad assure little Kevin that the nice lady will take VERY GOOD care of 8-year floppy. Enjoy the thrills as she later shoves unwanted puppies and adult dogs into a gas chamber as she chokes back tears and goes home to try and explain to her children just what she does at work!

And, for a limited time only, we will include free of charge the video tape of a recent arrest made by the local animal control officer who discovered that someone had falsely declared his male dogs neutered (to save on license fees) and when discovered was planning to do the job himself at home!
The second half of the same bonus tape shows the chagrin of a backyard breeder who was tracked down from her telephone number which was all she ever gave out. This wonderful person would arrange to meet people at local shopping malls where she handed over her 4-5 week-old puppies for $120 each! We were all amazed to find that those 20 puppies she was selling each year all came from the same single bitch and dog.

Yes, if you, or a friend, are considering breeding Fluffy to show children the "miracle" of birth, be sure to get this video and show them the miracle of death at the same time!

We have high hopes for this video, following as it does on the tremendous success of our first effort: "Do it yourself home vasectomy, featuring George "squeaky" Baker," and its sequel, "Do it yourself home explosives mixing, by Bob "lefty" Anderson."

Special to the first five purchasers, one frozen still-born puppy - just wait until you take it home and see how the kids' eyes light up as the pup thaws!!

Copyright 1996, John A. McCormick, President and CEO, Nocturnal Aviation Videos.

Reproduction and distribution of this advertisement in its entirety strongly encouraged.

Phone, e-mail, or postal orders NOT accepted, this tape is sold ONLY in person because I REALLY want to meet you.

http://www.critterhaven.org/miraclebirth.htm

[joeybee12]

1. I thought this was the one with the machine that goes "ping"!

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. That's my favorite apparatus!

[sleepyhead]

2. Wish I could show this to my clients

Who are so gung-ho to breed their "purebred" puppy mill specimen with the underbite and multiple hernias and aggressive behavior that starts at the age of 6 weeks and the "unusual" markings and the legs that are too long and ears that are too short - but they all have PAPERS! And she's so cute! We want more just like her! And we will make back all the money we've spent on her! (Mind you, these are the same folks who "can't afford" to get the entire vaccine series, or can't be bothered to feed a decent diet or use heartworm or flea/tick preventative! And when I ask them what they will do if there's a problem with the pregnancy, they look at me as if I have lobsters crawling out of my ears.) But unfortunately it would go right over their heads. Yes, I'm bitter.

[Philostopher]

3. Thanks, Lovecrafty.

I've been volunteering at a stray shelter for several years, and have four cats and a dog, most if not all of whom, doubtless, were the result of some similar kind of rationalization on somebody's part.

I forwarded it to Mr. Nownow, who also volunteers at the shelter. The sad thing of it is, anybody who's not a volunteer, rescue operator, shelter employee or who hasn't taken in other people's discarded animals would likely say it's harsh.

I don't, mind you. I've written my share of rants in different places about this stuff, and done my share of ranting at the shelter over it. Like the family who adopted an eight-month-old kitten, then brought it back to the shelter a couple of weeks later. The reason? "Oh, that cat was up all hours, running around the apartment, knocking things over! We just couldn't deal with the energy!"

Let me repeat -- it was an eight month old kitten.

Who, in their right mind, expects anything other than that out of an eight month old kitten?